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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About H seeking attention during DD’s home schooling video?

284 replies

10daysofrain · 29/04/2020 09:03

Backstory is H has a bit of form for being a performance parent (only attentive or doing any childcare when others are watching.) DD is 6 and is having twice- daily catch ups on work with her class via zoom.

H keeps getting on the screen when he can, either in the background doing something unnecessary and looking to see if he is on the screen, or coming into shot and either doing “antennae” behind DD’s Head or pretending to be a “monster,” often when the class are in the middle of something else. I can see that DD finds it annoying and a bit embarrassing. H thinks as she is quite a shy little girl it takes the attention off her.

I keep telling H off for doing this (and physically batting his hands away when they come up behind DD,) and he is very upset with me and says I “constantly stifle and dismiss” him. I don’t think that’s the case.

I appreciate this sounds like a bit of a weird thread. I don’t know if I am so jaded by H’s behaviour over the years that I am disproportionately irritated by something quite innocent

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 29/04/2020 12:40

What an immature twat! WTF would he do that?

As he sounds so arrogant, I’d tell him that people are laughing at him and talking about him. All that crap about stifling him sounds very weird. Does he think he’s funny? Does he think he’s amusing the other children and teacher??

I’d disabuse him of that notion straightaway. What a total idiot!

TheGreatWave · 29/04/2020 12:41

Let's go back a step before all the antics, twice daily zoom meetings for a 6 yr old?

Firstly zoom, with all the safety concerns and a school thinks it is acceptable to use it. Secondly what is happening in these 'meetings' Zoom is a nightmare to us and does not lend itself to much over a few people.

Maybe the H is a twat, or maybe he just thinks the whole set up is ridiculous. (Though he shouldn't be doing stuff even if he thinks the latter)

UmmH · 29/04/2020 12:41

If he won't listen to you, maybe he will listen to his daughter. Ask her in front of him how his behaviour makes her feel. If she doesn't like it, then he has absolutely no excuse for continuing.

edwinbear · 29/04/2020 12:42

Apart from disrupting the class, you just know the parents of all the other kids are watching and will be laughing at him, WhatsApping each other and asking if he's on crack. You really need to lock this down OP, your poor DD.

I agree with showing him the thread.

PippaPegg · 29/04/2020 12:44

It's unanimous. "D"H is an utter prat.

About H seeking attention during DD’s home schooling video?
AcrobaticCardigan · 29/04/2020 12:45

Oh wow. What is he thinking? Must be annoying for your daughter, her teacher and the whole class.

Thisismytimetoshine · 29/04/2020 12:45

How long has this been going on, op? I still can't quite believe you've had no approach from the school.

Devlesko · 29/04/2020 12:51

I bet this isn't the only thing he does, what a dick head and how embarrassing as a father and husband.
He's like an annoying child, all attraction would be gone now, do you manage to shag him?

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 29/04/2020 12:53

Christ, how can a grown adult think that this is anything other than embarrassing and intrusive? I mean

(a) obviously he would have hated it if his parents had done this to him in class as a child

(b) obviously he would not consider it appropriate to go into her physical classroom and do this to her there

(c) obviously he would be furious if you turned up outside the window holding up your daughter so that she could pull funny faces at him or make stupid gestures behind him whilst he was in a meeting.

I think you need to throw a massive wobbler about this, OP. It's contemptible that he thinks your efforts to stop him from embarrassing his child and disrupting her learning - not to mention the rest of the class - are "stifling" him. There's nothing creative or funny about it at all and if he doesn't get that then he genuinely needs professional assessment and help.

AlwaysCheddar · 29/04/2020 12:54

He’s a dick and you need to make him stop. What a twat.

Purplespup16 · 29/04/2020 12:58

That behaviour is disrespectful and disruptive at best... seriously creepy and disgusting at worst!

Especially as he has made it about him by trying to accuse you of being dismissive of him!

He either stops his behaviour or you will be pulling your dd out of these lessons with an explanation to the school about your reasons.

If I was a parent of another child in your dd’s class I’d be bringing this up with the teacher/school and asking them to ask him to stop. Why does he want to look at a class of 6/7 year olds all the time?!

In this instance HIS feelings don’t count! It is your dd’s teacher, learning, classmates... he does not attend your dd’s class he does not get to show his face on zoom! Is he trying to flirt with your dd’s teacher is some bizarre showing off (12 year old style) way? 😶

Applejaxx · 29/04/2020 12:59

He sounds like a complete and utter twat. There's nothing more unfunny than someone who thinks they are hilarious.

JudyCoolibar · 29/04/2020 12:59

Point out that if he feels stifled and dismissed by not being able to pratt around in the background of his daughter's home schooling then there is something seriously wrong with him, given that the parents of the other 29 kids in that class seem to manage perfectly fine without doing that.

justasking111 · 29/04/2020 13:01

I would write an apology to the school giving them DH e mail asking them to lower the boom on him copying you in.

JudyCoolibar · 29/04/2020 13:02

H thinks as she is quite a shy little girl it takes the attention off her.

I can't begin to work out the logic of this. There are potentially 30 children's faces on screen, of which one has some idiot in the background pretending to be a monster. Which one is likely to attract all the attention?

UnaCorda · 29/04/2020 13:04

He is embarrassing her and probably annoying the teacher.

Probably?!

Yellowsubmarinedreams · 29/04/2020 13:05

Ew how are you still attracted to him?

Pretenditsaplan · 29/04/2020 13:06

Maybe remind him that hes complaining about being stifled and dismissed about sonething that has NOTHING to do with him. If it was his daughters birthday would he expect a party for him? Same kind of attention seeking behavior. Is he jealous of the attention his daughter gets fron the teacher? Sonhes jealous of his daughter. slow clap hes a real prince among men that one. -.-

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 29/04/2020 13:07

I'm still Shock at the twice daily zoom classes for a 6 yr old.

bigvig · 29/04/2020 13:09

My abusive stepfather would have done something like this. I'm not saying he is abusive but it shows his behaviour is odd. It is also disrespecting your daughter's feelings. I'm sure it's as obvious to him as it is to you that she doesn't like it.

Anotheruser02 · 29/04/2020 13:10

How embarrassing for your daughter. This will be something she remembers when she's your age. Angry

diddl · 29/04/2020 13:13

You stifle & dimiss him?

But in this case it's not about him.

Your daughter is in a classroom setting, learning/working.

He wouldn't do this in her actual classroom would he?

Your poor daughter.

To have the embarrassing twat as a father & everyone knowing.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 29/04/2020 13:13

I wonder if that’s how he behaved when he was at school? Class “clown”, disruptive, attention-seeking? Bet he’s a twat at work too, fiddling in meetings, yawning, eye-rolling- you get the picture?
Cringe.

CoronaMoaner · 29/04/2020 13:15

“A performance parent”.
God I feel for your DD.
YANBU.

justasking111 · 29/04/2020 13:17

Well if the OP only complains and does not stop this, then she becomes an enabler.