About H seeking attention during DD’s home schooling video?

[10daysofrain]

Backstory is H has a bit of form for being a performance parent (only attentive or doing any childcare when others are watching.) DD is 6 and is having twice- daily catch ups on work with her class via zoom.

H keeps getting on the screen when he can, either in the background doing something unnecessary and looking to see if he is on the screen, or coming into shot and either doing “antennae” behind DD’s Head or pretending to be a “monster,” often when the class are in the middle of something else. I can see that DD finds it annoying and a bit embarrassing. H thinks as she is quite a shy little girl it takes the attention off her.

I keep telling H off for doing this (and physically batting his hands away when they come up behind DD,) and he is very upset with me and says I “constantly stifle and dismiss” him. I don’t think that’s the case.

I appreciate this sounds like a bit of a weird thread. I don’t know if I am so jaded by H’s behaviour over the years that I am disproportionately irritated by something quite innocent

I find this so upsetting to read. Firstly that he would do that to his daughter. And then secondly that he won’t let you have an opinion about it and says you’re trying to stifle him. How is he the rest of the time?

I would back her chair up against a wall so Daddy Buffoon can't get in behind her.

Does he exhibit other odd behaviour?

Ridiculous behaviour.

If I was the teacher I would try and publicly shame him in the hope he would get the message. A sort of 'oh look here's X's dad again doing some silly for the camera. It's a good job other parents don't feel the need to disrupt the lesson like this isn't it children?'

TBH if he's always like this I don't think I could stand him.

What a cock, all the other parents will be thinking the same as you (and us!) He's being an arse.

God what a fucking prick. Embarrassing his daughter like that in front of the class....I would either lock her in a room or him outside

“certainly not hilarious dad video bombing on purpose in his pants”

@IlsaLund dear god.

What else does he do OP?

If he's enough of a tit to think this is ok, he must be doing stupid things all the time? I feel like you must have more stories about him.

YABNU. Your poor daughter. Her poor teacher.

Can you ask the school to email him directly and tell him to stop it? He might listen to them.

Somebody voted YABU. It must have been your husband OP.

He sounds like a bully TBH

Ugh, I bet OP's DH is one of those tedious "I'm mad, me" types.

For the sake of your daughter, her classmates and her teacher he needs to stop behaving like this. Your daughter's schooling is NOT about him, nor is it an opportunity for him to showcase his attention seeking and performance parenting. Let him be upset, it's high time his nauseating ways were stifled and dismissed permanently.

We had a Dad behave like this at an infants school I worked in a couple of years ago. We'd have all the children sat at the end of the day and he'd stick his big stupid face up against the window - or even in it if it was open - to get his child's attention and try to make all the children laugh. It was infuriating. His poor child was always really embarrassed and the other parents could barely contain their disdain.
We tried telling him to stop but he was having none of it and passive aggressively saying things like 'ah there's no FUN or JOY allowed in this class then?
Massive TWAT!!

We have signed a contract / homeschooling agreement with our school that says only the child is on the zoom call. We are not allowed to be on the call as this would enable us access to watch the other children etc. Privacy and child protection etc....

Your husband should not be on it looking at all the other children - he could get reported as a pervert.

Pervert and a absolute knob. Your poor daughter.

awful , i severely dislike performance parents they tend to have the most unhappy children ... im so glad your dd has a sensible mum , this is very damaging, protect her from this its not fair ... x

My husband would do this. I hate him

I’m glad SilverBubbles said this, as it’s what I was thinking: could there be a reason why he’s wanting to “impress” and be part of a group of 6 year olds? I’m normally skeptical when people immediately jump to these kind of conclusions, but something about this situation makes me just wonder what this kind of person’s motives might be (however subconscious). The desire for an adult man to “impress” a group of 6 year olds just doesn’t sit right with me, for some reason.

Aside from being distracting, he is sending horrible messages about her education. We treat dd’s video calls for school the same as we do for our video calls for work. No interruptions, make sure you aren’t making too much noise, etc.

YANBU. He is BVU. Reminds me of my ex who loved embarrassing people, especially me. Hence ex.

It's really unfair on the teacher too. Assuming he is just acting like a fucking knob and being an utter embarrassment how does he think distracting the other children is a good thing?
Ask your DD what she feels. Use this as an opportunity for her to learn to stick up for herself and give boundaries to moronic 'extroverts' that try and dominate her.

From a child protection perspective I don't think any adults should be jumping about on a class zoom call!

If I were another parent I would be complaining about him. Your poor child must be humiliated and mortified.

He’s being a twat, you need to tell him.

So, OP, you've got 100% of us on your side here, bet you never thought you'd get that, and were ready to be told you were being oversensitive.

Perhaps because the hints in your posts do suggest your H has form for this kind of attention seeking behaviour.

I'd bet your DD isn't shy, she's just embarrassed at having your H as a dad.

For now, place your DD's back against a wall where H can't get behind. Double it up with a background to hide anything should your H get desperate and try something stupid.

Long term, you need to reflect on this relationship. Your H's behaviour is so me, me, me, that I'd wonder if he actually gives any consideration to anyone else's feelings.

My ex did things like this as well. It didn't just embarrass the DCs, it embarrassed me, and eventually we took to walking away from him.

How embarrassing for you and your DD... I’m cringing thinking about it

Yanbu.

What a dickhead!

The teacher's probably really annoyed with his antics. Can you rugby tackle said twat to the ground, tie him up and put gaffer tape on his gob?!

I voted YABU, because I too am a disruptive and attention seeking prick.

It's kind of the opposite of performance parenting though, isn't it. PP is performing good parenting, loudly, in public in order to show off. This is performing bad parenting, obtrusively, in public, in order to show off.