Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About H seeking attention during DD’s home schooling video?

284 replies

10daysofrain · 29/04/2020 09:03

Backstory is H has a bit of form for being a performance parent (only attentive or doing any childcare when others are watching.) DD is 6 and is having twice- daily catch ups on work with her class via zoom.

H keeps getting on the screen when he can, either in the background doing something unnecessary and looking to see if he is on the screen, or coming into shot and either doing “antennae” behind DD’s Head or pretending to be a “monster,” often when the class are in the middle of something else. I can see that DD finds it annoying and a bit embarrassing. H thinks as she is quite a shy little girl it takes the attention off her.

I keep telling H off for doing this (and physically batting his hands away when they come up behind DD,) and he is very upset with me and says I “constantly stifle and dismiss” him. I don’t think that’s the case.

I appreciate this sounds like a bit of a weird thread. I don’t know if I am so jaded by H’s behaviour over the years that I am disproportionately irritated by something quite innocent

OP posts:
BackseatCookers · 29/04/2020 12:01

Oh god this made me full body cringe, argh.

Your poor DD how embarrassing to draw attention to her in that way.

You shouldn't need to tell an adult not to show off but that's literally what he's doing so for DD's good I guess you'll have to bollock him as if he is the age he's acting.

Aside from anything else it's deeply unattractive behaviour. I'm making a cringe face just typing this.

HowManyToes · 29/04/2020 12:01

Guaranteed the teacher thinks your husband is an absolute dickhead and probably feels really sorry for your DC

DareIAdmit · 29/04/2020 12:06

I was a shy kid who got bullied in school, the shit your husband is doing would have not only really embarrassed me but would have given my bullies even more ammunition against me

BuddleiaTime · 29/04/2020 12:06

Is he an idiot in other ways as well?

Beebers111 · 29/04/2020 12:06

He isn’t Father of Daughters is he?

fairydustandpixies · 29/04/2020 12:07

This is exactly why schools shouldn't be using Zoom!!

BabyYoda · 29/04/2020 12:07

He sounds a right twat!

BeatrixPottersAlterEgo · 29/04/2020 12:07

Commiserations OP. This truly is ovary shrivelling behaviour.

Alonelonelyloner · 29/04/2020 12:09

How bloody awful.
You must demand he stop and put your DD in a place to do her work uninterrupted.
All the class and the teacher will be pissed off at his behaviour. Shameful.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 29/04/2020 12:10

Not RTFT yet so apologies if this has been mentioned
Isn’t it a safeguarding and privacy issue if the children are at home and a random adult is gate crashing their video call. He can see all the children in their homes without their parents’ consent.

Coffeecak3 · 29/04/2020 12:11

Omg. I’d have the ick by now!

Spidey66 · 29/04/2020 12:11

He wouldn't do it when she is in school and shouldn't now.

Northernstar1234452 · 29/04/2020 12:12

YADNBU
And this is the first thread I’ve ever seen that’s totally unanimous! Sorry you and your DC have had to put up with this. He may find that trivial but to a child that’s really embarrassing and draws much more attention to her which, if she’s a shy kid, is most likely the complete opposite of what she wants!

Giespeace · 29/04/2020 12:18

What an utter wankbadger.
There’s no possible reason or excuse for this fuckwittery and if it’s in any way representative of how he is with his daughter generally then he’s going to ruin his relationship with her.

Potatobug · 29/04/2020 12:19

Next time he does his shit on camera go behind him and pretend you are strangling him. See if he likes it.

julybaby32 · 29/04/2020 12:20

Sadly, I suspect that humiliating and bullying the daughter and the teacher is one of the motivations for this behaviour. The teacher knows that the father is not constrained by professional standards, or even by common courtesy, and may very well be not saying anything on the zoom lesson to avoid a response which would be even more damaging for your daughter and for the other children in the class.
If she or he is reading this - neither pupil nor teacher deserve to be bullied and perhaps this is something that needs to be passed up to SLT and to your DSL, although I appreciate that they might have even more urgent matters to deal with wrt at risk children, immediate bereavement etc. Let them decide the priorities. OP, perhaps you could contact the school and express your support for the teacher and your daughter, your lack of support for your husband's behaviour and ask them for advice on supporting the teacher and your daughter.
Can you use Zoom so that your daughter is using voice only but can still see what the teacher is showing?

DocHolliday · 29/04/2020 12:23

929 votes and 100% think that he is an idiot of great magnitude.
I'm impressed.

monkeymonkey2010 · 29/04/2020 12:25

How about shouting PERFORMANCE PARENTING OF A SHIT DAD WHO ENJOYS EMBARASSING HIS KIDS each time he does it

cstaff · 29/04/2020 12:29

Tell him that he is putting his daughter in a very awkward position in school. Apart from the teacher the other kids are going to remember what a dickhead your husband was during lockdown having seen for themselves on zoom. This is not going to end well for your daughter.

HeartZone · 29/04/2020 12:30

Wow!
Nearly one thousand votes and every single vote backs you.
Definitely show him this!

billy1966 · 29/04/2020 12:30

@Mummyoflittledragon

I think this is a good post.

What's his relationship with your daughter like?

Is she really shy, or is she shrinking because of his behaviour?

Shaming and embarrassing your children is a red flag for possible abusive behaviour of children.

I've a friend who is a teacher (very affluent school) and she told us a few years ago of a parent who was very full of himself.
The big man/big job/ loud..whenever he was collecting his daughter from school.

He had a tendency to mock his daughter, put her down, and make her the butt of his "humour". The child was very, very timid.

My pals father was a bit of a bully so she was very sensitive to this.

She took the mother aside one day and asked her was everything ok at home?

She told her that her husband's behaviour had been noted by people, and that it was sort of behaviour that could be misinterpreted, flagged and referred on!

The mother was stunned and mortified.

No further discussion was ever had, but the father was a quiet man going forward, and actively avoided teachers etc.

My pals reading of it was, he was a egotistically twat, pillar of the community, and his fragile ego was appalled at the thought that he was being gossiped about.

It was enough to shut him up in public at least.

Breastfeedingworries · 29/04/2020 12:31

No votes against you! YANBU xx

About H seeking attention during DD’s home schooling video?
midwestsummer · 29/04/2020 12:34

Well the bloke is a pillock.
Poor dd.
Show her how to set up the background ASAP.

Thickmuthafuckers · 29/04/2020 12:35

What a twat

EmpressLangClegInChair · 29/04/2020 12:36

He sounds like a total pillock.

Swipe left for the next trending thread