To not have sex with HPV infected partner?

[Bubbles207]

Unfortunately I had a HPV positive, moderate abnormal smear result in January. I had treatment which was successful (and hopefully got rid of the HPV, although I won’t know until August when I have a follow up test of cure smear).

My partner and I haven’t had sex since I had the treatment. He’s the only person I’ve slept with, so I know he gave me the HPV and is very likely to still have it.

AIBU to end things over this? I can’t imagine sleeping with him again now, then finding out I have HPV again in August because he’s just passed it back on to me again. The doctor said HPV is very common and they don’t screen for it (except smears) so surely even if I ended things and met someone else, they could just (unknowingly) give it to me since men aren’t screened?

surely some women must find out they have HPV even when in long term relationships/marriages .. and not end things over it?

Feel really anxious about it all, I don’t want to never have sex again but I can already feel the lack of intimacy affecting things.. and I wouldn’t expect someone to stay with me when I’m refusing to have sex.

I don’t think you can get rid of HPV. It lies dormant and sometimes flares up if the immune system is low. Something like 90 percent of the adult population are positive for some form of HPV I believe although most are asymptomatic

Before the vaccination came in a few years ago, most women and men would have it. Google suggests 80%.

You are being unreasonable. Most of the world population has HPV. Its extremely common and most infections go away on their own. So unless you plan on never having sex again breaking up with your partner is asinine

@Endofmytether2020 I’m not sure which strain of HPV it is which caused the cervical abnormalities, but apparently most people’s immune systems do fight it off, and the treatment I had which removed part of my cervix should have got rid of the HPV too. I know there’s other strains which stay in your body forever but I’m just going by what I was told at the hospital.

It is reassuring how common it is though!

thanks @ Leaannb .. I suppose I’m just worried about it because my body didn’t manage to throw the virus off before it gave me the precancerous cells I don’t want to have any more of my cervix removed! But you’re right, I don’t want to never have sex again

You are going to struggle to find a partner without it, especially given most people dont know if they do.

If you're that serious, never have sex again. It's a ridiculous thing to throw away a relationship over and how will you screen your next partner?!

@Tonemeth I know.. it’s just a bit shit because several of my friends who had their first smears around the same time as me all came back clear, so it feels like my body/immune system can’t fight it off before it turns into precancer / cancer

I'm not a font of knowledge but as far as I understand that doesnt mean it will happen again.

My first smear after (unrelated) cancer treatment came back with changes and I panicked. It's been clear ever since. And that was with no immune system. I don't think this means that's you forever.

Think about the relationship, if thats the only issue then please dont walk away over this.

I haven’t had a sexual partner for 7 years and I’ve had about 5 smear tests during that time and there’s only been one where I tested negative for HPV but it’s been there for all the rest and I’ve had treatment to remove abnormal cells. Sometimes you just can’t fully get rid of it.

I’m not sure it’s your partners fault, more likely your own body.

I'm pretty sure about 75% of humans have HPV and it is not possible to "cure" it.

The treatment fixes the pre-cancerous cells, but you still have HPV.

@Ruffins they definitely told me to come back in six months to make sure the HPV is gone they told me most people throw off this strain within a few years, if not it causes abnormalities and they remove the bad cells.

Thank you for sharing @Wobblysausage I know it’s my own immune system not fighting it off well. Hence my reluctance to expose myself to it again

Thank you @Tonemeth. I found it all incredibly stressful, so I’ve avoided googling info about HPV / abnormal smears because they set off my anxiety, but I thought it was a lot worse than the general vibe from the replies on this thread

80% + of the sexually active population have HPV and treatment doesn't reliably clear it, so yes, unless you're planning to never have sex again, YABU. forget about it.

A smear isnt a hpv test. Your friends may all have HPV in their systems, they wouldn't know.

My first smear at 25 had pre cancerous cells, I had the lletz treatment to have them removed. 8 years later and every annual smear since had been clear of pre cancerous cells. I have no idea if I still have HPV, never asked, but I'd say its more than likely.

There is no getting rid of HPV. Once you have it, you have it for life as the virus stays dormant. What they’re saying is that your immune system is suppressing it well enough such that you are not currently developing cancer.

If you caught it from your bf, then you can’t “catch it again” from him. You already have it. Only if he’s cheated on you and got a new STD/STI would you have any risk.

My friend had a radical hysterectomy due to cervical cancer. On her follow up she still tested positive for hpv.

Most people have got it or had it.

Sometimes an HPV test is done at the same time PP.

OP - even if you have it forever or can get it again (I thought it was like a cold sore tbh) it doesnt mean that you'll constantly have changes to your cervix. Having sex or not will make no difference now.

You've done the right thing getting your smear test, keep getting them as and when you're called and try not to panic.

@QforCucumber some areas now test for HPV as part of the screening process. For my last test I was told they test the swap HPV first and only if it is positive do the further analysis. I'm not sure if it is a new thing or an area thing has I relocated in the 3 years between tests. Whether this is also true for those that have have previously abnormal test results I don't know.

Theyve been doing it for years in some areas up here super. I dont really get why they dont do it everywhere.

90 percent of women will have HPV within their lifetime. Some people can clear the infection and some people can't. HPV is a viral infection spread through sexual activity, condoms don't protect against catching it. Most couples share HPV infection. The only way to avoid HPV is to have never been sexually active. The reason it is significant for a smear test is that High Risk HPV increases the risk of cervical cell changes which could lead to cervical cancer. The Cervical Screening changed last year to HPV Primary screening meaning that HPV infection is screened for first, on the old system the cervical cells were examined under a microscope and any changes in the cells then HPV would be screened for. x

How old are you op? We’re you offered the vaccine? They were offering it to girls of 15/17 about 12 or 13 years ago, so I think women of 30 now will have been offered it.

The vaccine was introduced in 2010 to under 16s I think, so you would have to be under 25 now to be offered it.

You can't catch it again from your DP, you already have it and can't ever get rid of it. It can, however, lie dormant most of the time. Most people have it.

You can get it from your mam though childbirth and you could have had it all you life me and my dh have only slept together ever and I had it and had cells removed you really should research it