To not have sex with HPV infected partner?

[Bubbles207]

Unfortunately I had a HPV positive, moderate abnormal smear result in January. I had treatment which was successful (and hopefully got rid of the HPV, although I won’t know until August when I have a follow up test of cure smear).

My partner and I haven’t had sex since I had the treatment. He’s the only person I’ve slept with, so I know he gave me the HPV and is very likely to still have it.

AIBU to end things over this? I can’t imagine sleeping with him again now, then finding out I have HPV again in August because he’s just passed it back on to me again. The doctor said HPV is very common and they don’t screen for it (except smears) so surely even if I ended things and met someone else, they could just (unknowingly) give it to me since men aren’t screened?

surely some women must find out they have HPV even when in long term relationships/marriages .. and not end things over it?

Feel really anxious about it all, I don’t want to never have sex again but I can already feel the lack of intimacy affecting things.. and I wouldn’t expect someone to stay with me when I’m refusing to have sex.

@QforCucumber they changed in December to first check for HPV, if HPV is present they look for the abnormal cells, so my friends who’ve had the test know they definitely don’t have the HPV.

Really confused re it staying in the body forever totally contradicts what the doctors at the hospital told me!? They said as they’ve removed 1cm of my cervix, which was where the HPV lives/d, it usually gets rid of the HPV along with the abnormal cells. The discharge letter they sent me even says that my follow up smear in 6 months is to check HPV is gone x

I missed the HPV vaccine by a year

I had many abnormal cells and biopsy/treatment in colonoscopy clinic. Since my last treatment around 11 years ago I've had.normal smears. Mine was also due to HPV. I wouldn't have wanted to end my relationship over it. Why do you feel you should?

I had stage 2 & 3 precancerous cells removed and have now tested clear for HPV. I understand what you are saying I’ve been with my husband for 20 years so likely to have come from him although I know it could have been dormant from before.
I found the whole thing incredibly unpleasant and stressful and wouldn’t want to go through that again.
Why don’t you get the HPV vaccine privately if you are that concerned.

Thank you for sharing @Tiredmum100 . I felt like I can’t have sex with my partner based on what the doctor who did my treatment said, that the treatment should get rid of HPV. So if I’m now HPV clear, and sleep with him, he’ll just reinfect me?

It really is unpleasant @Flyingskunk I think if I needed treatment again I’d have to be put to sleep for it, I took diazepam beforehand but still found it really difficult. Glad to hear yours has cleared up now. I’m going to look into getting the HPV vaccine, although I’m not sure if it’ll be possible during the lockdown.

Are you very young?

Mine was stage 2. They thought it was stage 3 but the LLETZ came back as CIN 2

@whiplashy I’m 26.

I don't think you need to avoid having sex with him. But if you're going to, you need to be honest with him about that and let him make his choices.

Yes I think no sex ever again will be the end of our relationship @Steff13 I wouldn’t expect him to stay with me in that situation. But I feel like sleeping with Him is like willingly putting myself at risk of cancer.. I know I could get another partner and they could have HPV too, but the fact I know my current partner definitely has it, makes me feel quite worried

Have you never had any kind of sexual engagement with another person? Oral sex? Kissing (views on this are missed but some experts deem possible).

My DD is 25 and she was the first HPV year
Boys from this year

How do you know that the HPV didn't return from your own body, not from his? It might have been lying dormant inside of you.

@durgasarrow it’s sexually transmitted and I’ve only had sexual contact with him

Wouldn't condoms fix this problem? Small compromise to protect yourself. I do t think it's fair people saying just live with the constant worry and regular removal of cervical cells. Sorry you're having to go through this. Recently had my first smear I cant imagine how I'd have felt in your position.

@nottherealslimshady I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that it can still be passed on even when using condoms or we’d definitely just do that. Thank you it was really awful, and although it’s common and most people’s immune systems fight it off fine, I just feel so uncomfortable and worried at the thought of knowingly exposing myself to it again, after having to go through all the tests and intrusive treatment.

@SunflowerSeedsForever yes it’s only been him. I’ve kissed other people but I don’t think the virus could (theoretically) go from my mouth to my cervix?

Any sexual contact can spread it, I think condoms help but wont completely protect

It can still be passed while using a condom. It can also be transmitted through oral sex, so there would have to be no skin to skin contact at all to be guaranteed you wouldn't get it.

I’ve kissed other people but I don’t think the virus could (theoretically) go from my mouth to my cervix?

Actually, it's possible to be passed via kissing, but no one is sure. HPV is a virus, I don't think it's in your cervix, it's in your body. (I may be wrong about that)

Steff I think you're right about passing via mouth, kissing, oral etc. Is it not the same virus that causes penile cancer also?

I’ve kissed other people but I don’t think the virus could (theoretically) go from my mouth to my cervix?

You can get HPV throat cancer as an example.

The Mayo Clinic has detailed advice
www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hpv-infection/symptoms-causes/syc-20351596

It is localised though - it's a bit complicated though.

The tl:dr is you cant avoid it, keep getting smears OP.

I work in sexual health. Most sexually active adults have HPV. It's a bit of a myth that it magically clears. Yes, you can have the abnormal cells removed, but that won't get rid of the HPV. I think you have misunderstood what they told you or they did a terrible job of explaining it. You will still have HPV. Sometimes your body can clear it on it's own, but if you are in a sexually active relationship, more than likely you just pass it back and forth. There is really not much you can do about that. But the good thing is that having HPV doesn't mean you will get cervical cancer. They've caught the abnormal cells and that's good. They'll keep checking them (and you will get smears more regularly for the next few years). You may very well never had another abnormal smear again.

I had an abnormal one probably 12 years ago, needed a biopsy. Cells mildly abnormal, but not severe. More regular smears for several years. I'm still with the same partner, so surely have the same HPV, but I've never had another abnormal smear. Hopefully it won't cause you any more trouble either.

SunflowerSeedsForever yes I know it can cause mouth and throat cancers but I don’t think focusing on that is particularly beneficial to me, and I’m more concerned about the existing problem I’ve had treated and implications of further exposure in that area.