To not have sex with HPV infected partner?

[Bubbles207]

Unfortunately I had a HPV positive, moderate abnormal smear result in January. I had treatment which was successful (and hopefully got rid of the HPV, although I won’t know until August when I have a follow up test of cure smear).

My partner and I haven’t had sex since I had the treatment. He’s the only person I’ve slept with, so I know he gave me the HPV and is very likely to still have it.

AIBU to end things over this? I can’t imagine sleeping with him again now, then finding out I have HPV again in August because he’s just passed it back on to me again. The doctor said HPV is very common and they don’t screen for it (except smears) so surely even if I ended things and met someone else, they could just (unknowingly) give it to me since men aren’t screened?

surely some women must find out they have HPV even when in long term relationships/marriages .. and not end things over it?

Feel really anxious about it all, I don’t want to never have sex again but I can already feel the lack of intimacy affecting things.. and I wouldn’t expect someone to stay with me when I’m refusing to have sex.

I had a colposcopy back in the 90’s. I was never told to stop having sex. Everyone is right. You’re reading the message wrongly. They are talking about getting rid of the abnormal cells. Now you just need to follow the protocol. Smears every year for x number of years while you are monitored. This really is no big deal.

I don’t know if this helps at all but my first ever smear at the age of 18 had pre-cancerous cells for which I had laser treatment. In the 25 years since, I have never had another abnormal result.

@Mummyoflittledragon I thought it was like other stis where I’m now cured and if I sleep with someone who has it I get it again and risk my cervix being harmed

Yeah i see where your struggling, especially if your a literal thinker the terminology can be confusing.

If your relationship is otherwise good, don't let this ruin things.

You’d never be able to have sex at all. Even if a partner is clear, he don’t be once you’ve had sex as you’ll pass it to him. Presumably you both have the same strain so he is safer than a new partner with a new strain. If you clear it from your body, not via cutting it out (if that’s even possible), you won’t catch the same strain again. It’s depends how much you want to remain with your partner too. Vaccine sounds like a good idea, although quite expensive.

@dippitydoodle yes this thread has felt a lot like me looking at the grass and saying it’s green, and everyone telling me no it’s purple.. and me saying, no it’s green, I can see it!

I don’t want it to ruin things and it doesn’t make sense that everyone ends their relationship over HPV - it was that confusion which led to me starting this thread. I have a couple of friends who are older than me and married and they’ve both been through this, and are still happy and healthy with their partners. I couldn’t make sense of anything

"Test of cure" is a weird phrase. It seems like they just could say follow-up test.

Thanks @ShastaBeast I’m going to get the vaccine as soon as possible. The doctor who did my treatment said something along the lines of the HPV lives on the cervix so when they remove a centimetre of it, the HPV goes with it. Ill definitely give them a ring to clear it up though

This is an American site, but I've read in a few places that it used to be thought the virus would remain dormant in the body forever. More recent studies however have shown that it is often cleared altogether in someone with a healthy immune system. Certainly I was told when I had CIN-3 in 2013 that my system would likely clear it entirely.

http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/hpv/hpv-myths-facts/

@steff13 yes I’d prefer they’d used that wording because if I still come back Hpv positive I’m going to feel a bit like the ‘cure’ failed

Bubbles
I had the colposcopy when I with my current dh. I had previous partners So I have no idea if I got if from him or elsewhere. As it has been pointed out, the majority of the sexually active population has HPV.

Now to your question. Let’s take my situation.

The abnormal cells found on my cervix were caused from going on the depa pro contraceptive injection. My body didn’t like it. The injection didn’t directly cause the abnormal cells. The HPV virus did that. But depa pro allowed a way in for the cells to mutate.

By the time I got this problem, both of us would therefore have had HPV by this stage. I continued to have sex with him and never had a reoccurrence.

With you, something in your immune system caused a change. Your boyfriend is not responsible for this. The surgeon needed to ensure the abnormal cells were all eradicated to stop the spread of cells, which could cause cervical cancer.

What I was told is this process is very slow, which is why I only needed annual monitoring.

Your dp isn’t dirty because he possibly gave you HPV. It’s just a virus.

@Bubbles207

I guess if they have only started doing it recently that explains it - although it was more than a few weeks ago. It was last July.

It also means you have even less need to worry. I'm 65 so have been having tests as long as they have been doing them. Last year would have been my last test as they don't routinely test over 65s, now I have to have another check - but they aren't worried - and neither am I.

@PhoenixBuchanan yes I was told the same! No talk of it lying dormant or being at detectable/undetectable levels 🤷🏽‍♀️

The total cure / eradication is talking about abnormal cells. Abnormal cells cause cancer.

Tbh, if you left, you'd have two choices:

• abstinence for life
• only have one night stsnrs with virgins (as you'd risk giving them hvp which they could pass to you.

Neither of these really sound viable long term, so maybe sticking with you husband is a better idea
Firstly because I assume you love him etc and secondly because it's much lower risk than a new relationship would be.

Thank you @Bubbles207 hopefully we both can soon! I'll keep my fingers crossed

Thank you @Doingitaloneandproud I’ve been trying to be as healthy as possible, to hopefully support my body to get rid of it if I still even have it. Hope yours goes soon too

OP please dont stress too much. I had the same thing 5 years ago, precancerous cells removed and have had clear smear tests since. I've been with the same person for the last 10 years but it's just another reason not to delay a smear test xx

Thank you for explaining that @Mummyoflittledragon it makes sense. I’ve had quite a stressful few years and have been pretty sleep deprived throughout, have had an average diet but not brilliant, and don’t exercise much beyond long walks, so I wonder if any of those things led to this happening (the lack of sleep especially). so I’ve made lots of lifestyle changes to try and be healthy. Bit difficult at the moment because of the restrictions in place but it’s definitely given me a push to take care of my health more.

Thank you for sharing that @tink9124. It’s the exact wording the specialists used at the hospital too.

Fingers crossed yours clears up soon!

And that isn’t me saying I believe it can be cured - because I was under the impression it couldn’t. I just think some responses to the OP have been unfair in suggesting she is almost deliberately misunderstanding her diagnosis.

Most people do clear the virus on their own before it can cause any problems. In your case you didn’t clear the virus and unfortunately the HPV infected cells on your cervix started to change and become abnormal. That’s what the smear test checks for, so this was picked up on and those cells were removed. “Test of cure” on your letter refers to the abnormal cells, an HPV test is used to make sure these HPV infected cells are all gone. In most cases once the abnormal cells are removed they won’t return, but in some cases new cell changes can develop in the future, which is why it’s important to continue attending cervical screening tests.

Upthread I linked to some information on the Jo’s Trust website, I really would go and give that a read as it explains it all. They also have a helpline which might be useful if you want more information.

Practice nurse here reiterating that colposcopy treatment doesn't cure or clear HPV permanently, it treats/remove abnormal cells (if necessary). The virus may be overcome by the immune system naturally and lie dormant but it will always be there. FOllow up smears after treatment are called 'test of cure' but are checking that the treatment they have carried on out on abnormal cells has been effective/sufficient.
You cannot have a smear on the NHS done any earlier than advised for peace of mind. The lab will bin the sample.

Thanks @cptartapp I wasn’t planning to have a smear done early on the NHS.

Most people have it without knowing about it, same with herpes actually. It just lies dormant and symptomless so most of the world are infected. You’ll be hard pressed to find a guy without it especially since it isn’t routinely tested for during STI screenings.