To not have sex with HPV infected partner?

[Bubbles207]

Unfortunately I had a HPV positive, moderate abnormal smear result in January. I had treatment which was successful (and hopefully got rid of the HPV, although I won’t know until August when I have a follow up test of cure smear).

My partner and I haven’t had sex since I had the treatment. He’s the only person I’ve slept with, so I know he gave me the HPV and is very likely to still have it.

AIBU to end things over this? I can’t imagine sleeping with him again now, then finding out I have HPV again in August because he’s just passed it back on to me again. The doctor said HPV is very common and they don’t screen for it (except smears) so surely even if I ended things and met someone else, they could just (unknowingly) give it to me since men aren’t screened?

surely some women must find out they have HPV even when in long term relationships/marriages .. and not end things over it?

Feel really anxious about it all, I don’t want to never have sex again but I can already feel the lack of intimacy affecting things.. and I wouldn’t expect someone to stay with me when I’m refusing to have sex.

Why don't you just pay to get the vaccine privately?

Unless your gonna get yourself a virgin man then most will have it and husband was my 5th partner

If you use condoms it will make it less likely you get it, as long as you don't do skin to skin genital contact during foreplay. HPV absolutely can go away on it's own, lots of people on here saying it cant are incorrect. I've had it and had abnormal smears and now I test negative. Apparently about 90% of cases go away on their own.

Anyway, you've had a real shock with what happened. I would let it settle, and look into condom use. It isn't that hard not to have genital skin to skin touching without condoms really.

Overall talk to your fella, let him know the score. If you love each other you can work out a plan to go forward and feel safe. xx

OP I really wouldn't bother paying privately to have the vaccine, I had it when I was in school and then had my first smear this year and my results came back positive for HPV with no cell changes so I have to go back in a year for another smear, so having the vaccine doesn't necessarily mean that you won't have a smear that's positive for HPV in the future.

You can test negative for HPV after being positive previously without treatment, that's not unusual, but even if you never had sex ever again, you haven't been permanently cleared of it. It's just dormant. The virus can resurface, possibly when immunosuppressed and it is possible to retest positive in the future.

Using condoms is significantly going to reduce chances of reinfection/abnormal cells if that's your concern.
I had a similar procedure about 15 years ago (had CIN 2/3), i'd been with my partner for about 5 years. The consultant told me condoms would have most likely protected me.
We're still together and the abnormal cells never returned and have had two kids since.

There's some inaccurate info on this thread.

The posters who say once you have it you always have it are incorrect. That's simply not true. Often the body gets rid of it by itself.

Willyoujust
The thing is there is more than one HPV virus. It isn’t true that anyone is giving inaccurate information any more that you’re giving incorrect information. The body can get rid of some of the HPV viruses but not others. Some of the time this means it is dormant and undetectable. It’s complicated. But the message op needs to understand is that her dp isn’t going to keep on infecting her.

Why not use condoms?
Would that protect you? Speak to.your GP

Why don't you just pay to get the vaccine privately?

The vaccine only works before your first exposure- that is why it is given age 14. If you have had sex and been exposed then the vaccine is no use at all.

@Bubbles207 there seems to be so much misinformation on this thread Op .. it is not true that once you have HPV you have it for life and there’s no getting rid.. it clearly states on so many websites and the NHS website that in most women HPV is CLEARED from the body on its own. And it is also completely different from the cold sore virus as I saw another PP compare the two.

About 1.5 years ago I had a borderline abnormal smear and HPV I went for a colonoscopy however mine was all clear and their was no abnormal cells.. I was put back on 3 yearly smears. I paid to have a private HPV test a year later which was negative.

It is true in SOME women a small percentage may have trouble clearing the virus which can lead to cell changes and in very very rare cases cancer but in the majority of women that virus is cleared. it is also true there are many different strains some more serious than others and harder to get rid of.. my consultant told me the strain I had and luckily it wasn’t one of these.

I like you OP was really stressed I spoke to a lady at jos cervical trust via their website who was really helpful.. there is also information on their website.

Your situation is a bit different from mine in that my colonoscopy was all clear so I was told my HPV may have been cleared in the time from my smear test to my colonoscopy where as you’re has already caused cell changes however that doesn’t mean your body won’t fight it off

What’s the point in getting the vaccine? Surely the horse has bolted OP

If you leave your DP, you may as well stay away from any sexual partners. It’s so incredibly common.

The letter is badly written. I think it means ‘cure’ in the sense that the procedure has successfully removed the affected cells.

Whether it’s rational or not, I can completely see why you’d feel hesitant to have sex with your partner again, knowing they passed it on to you, and the invasive treatment you had to go through as a result. You’ve had a degree of trauma caused by him, albeit not intentionally.

On a related tangent I’m pretty sure I was vaccinated but I’m older than you.

@Osirus Because there are different strains of HPV, so the vaccine can prevent you from getting other strains you haven't already contracted. At least that's what my gynaecologist told me, after I had abnormal cells removed she suggested I pay to get the vaccine administered privately so I did.

HPV is a virus and if your body clears it then I'd assume you probably won't be affected again by the same strain - worth checking with your dr. But you'd have to abstain from sex forever to avoid it. Almost everyone over vaccine age who is sexually active has it. You could always use condoms with dp

And the cure part is to do with the abnormal cells it's just written after the test which is smear and hpv- slightly poor wording that has caused you to misunderstand.

My gynaecologist reckons there's evidence the vaccine does work even if you're already sexually active. My body couldn't clear it for years so she recommended I try it.

Mummy

Thats simply not true. I said that often the body clears it. Which is correct. Some others said once you have it its for life. That is wholly inaccurate. Yes there are different strains but facts are facts.

I’m nearly 40 and I have had HPV three times to my knowledge - or 3 flare ups. I had it when I was 20 and had CIN3 and the cells removed.
Had 2 DC and then abnormal cells came back. I ended up on yearly smears for 10 years with the last one clear. Then 10 years later (on 3 yearly smears) it’s come back again and I am just being monitored. 6 monthly/yearly checks reassure me as it can take a while for the cells to change. There isn’t anything I can really do apart from go for my smears now

Name changed as I am going to be harsh.

There are many HPV strains and they can be can be caught several ways. HPV can lie dormant in your body and flare up. Your body can also eventually clear some HVP strains.

You have HPV. You have no way of determining if you caught it from your current partner - so you cannot blame him. Abstaining from sex will not make your HPV any better or worse.

Getting the HPV injection will NOT do anything now - you already have HPV - the jab is not a time machine.

You did not have “stage 2” or stage anything - you do not have cancer. You had CIN-2 (if I recall correctly) changes to the cells in your cervix - which is moderate changes to the cells. A lot of abnormal cell changes will naturally be cleared by the body, however in some cases they can lead to cervical cancer, so you have the option of having those cells removed.

Your letter uses the word “cure” as they are testing to see if the “cure” of removing those abnormal cells worked, by checking there are no more abnormal cells. The removal of cells does not cure HPV.

I was 18 when my smear showed abnormal cells (about 20 years ago) and at that time you just went back 6 months later for another smear, which showed as all clear, as did my two yearly smears after that. Then suddenly, I was diagnosed with stage 3B cervical cancer - which had spread to my uterus, outside of the cervix, my bladder and lymph nodes. Half the team thought it was also in my overies (they disagreed over the PET scan), so they went with it being there too. Cervical cancer is slow growing so it could have been in there 5 to 10 years.

You had some abnormal cells - they removed them - move on with life while you still can and stop trying to find someone to blame.

Stupidpeople
Agreed. And to add to your comment, the HPV vaccination doesn’t vaccinate against all HPV strains. Therefore it is still possible to get cervical cancer even after vaccination.

Apologises for my incorrect working @stupidpeopleareverycommon - I’m not trying to find anyone to blame, simply trying to avoid reinfection based on what the hospital staff told me. Sorry to hear about your health issues and I hope everything is ok now.

Clearly they either used incorrect terminology or they used cure when really they meant the virus going dormant.. but I will call them up to confirm that.

The HPV jab was recommended to me by the hospital staff to prevent infection from other strains of HPV which I do not already had. The doctor also said that the jab would prevent reinfection of the HPV strain which has caused my issues, as natural immunity to HPV is unreliable so you can re-catch the same strain. Although judging by a lot of responses on this post, he was wrong 😬🤔

Also just to add, my partner doesn’t give a shit about the HPV, even when I had the treatment etc he was very laid back about it all and thought I was overreacting by being really worried about it.. so no one needs to worry about him feeling guilty or me giving him a hard time about it, he truly couldn’t care much less. But he did definitely give it to me as I haven’t had anyone else near my vagina (excluding medical stuff)

Sounds like you might not want to sleep with him because he was uncaring?

Thanks @Aloe6 , I’m quite attached to the remaining 3/4 of my cervix and dont really fancy having the LLETZ again, they told me any future pregnancies aren’t likely to be affected at the moment but multiple treatments increase the risk. I also found it horrible, the buzzing of the machine and multiple injections into my cervix, it was such a relief when the margins came back clear!