To not have sex with HPV infected partner?

[Bubbles207]

Unfortunately I had a HPV positive, moderate abnormal smear result in January. I had treatment which was successful (and hopefully got rid of the HPV, although I won’t know until August when I have a follow up test of cure smear).

My partner and I haven’t had sex since I had the treatment. He’s the only person I’ve slept with, so I know he gave me the HPV and is very likely to still have it.

AIBU to end things over this? I can’t imagine sleeping with him again now, then finding out I have HPV again in August because he’s just passed it back on to me again. The doctor said HPV is very common and they don’t screen for it (except smears) so surely even if I ended things and met someone else, they could just (unknowingly) give it to me since men aren’t screened?

surely some women must find out they have HPV even when in long term relationships/marriages .. and not end things over it?

Feel really anxious about it all, I don’t want to never have sex again but I can already feel the lack of intimacy affecting things.. and I wouldn’t expect someone to stay with me when I’m refusing to have sex.

@tonemeth same with my friendship group. It was a great help actually, I had so much support throughout the testing/treatment, which I was very grateful for! Didn’t hesitate to reach out

The treatment cures (gets rid of) the abnormal cells.
The only way I can explain this is
When you have a cold you blow your nose to clear the mucus, but you still have the virus.

I know it is a bad analogy and I am really struggling to think of another.

Or another, again really stupid.
You have a headache due to dehydration. You take a paracetamol. Your headache is gone but the cause of dehydration is still there.

There is no cure for HPV they can only manage the changes i.e abnormal cells.

Please listen to pp. there is a health professional on here who was spot on.

The treatment/cure is for the abnormal cells. Not the HPV.

NHS website:

The 'HPV test of cure' part of your letter is basically a post op. It is checking the cells are all gone and to see if your body has cleared the HPV by itself.

You may still have HPV and you could have it for 10 years still and not have any cell changes. I do have HPV and I completely understand your worry. I imagined my small children watching me go through chemo. I imagined the worst. Please do not let this effect your sex life though

Does it actually use the word "cure"? I am a health care professional in Oncology and I have never heard the word "cure" used.

If you compare to the wider population, the percentage of HPV positive within your friendship group is not comparable and that's what might make you think it's unusual.

If you would like clarification on what they have told you, give your Consultants secretary a ring and they may be able to arrange a telephone conversation or clear up any confusion. Or they may be a specialist nurse they can signpost you too.

Try not to worry. I had a colcoscopy for this back in the mid 90s. I have had regular smears ever since and never had another problem. I didn’t give up sex either.

I meant 2 years. Sorry my daughter was counting to 10 so I typed 10.

@rm15 yes it uses the word cure, this is a photograph of the letter which they sent me after treatment.

Yes but it also says that it’s usually cleared by the body within 2 years - so it can go? Just confused why there’s several posters on this thread who are adamant it stays forever!

Also posted a photograph of my letter which is about a test of cure for the HPV.

That is a very badly worded letter. I'd suggest you contacting your GP if you want to ask them to explain it properly.

I will give them a ring @Ruffins although the woman who does the smears at my gp gave the same information when I had my smear and she went through everything

HPV isn’t just transmitted sexually. It can be hygiene related too - ie not washing hands regularly etc or at swimming pools. You must have had HPV for years for it to cause smear.

I have HPV, for some reason my body just can't seem to get rid of it, I've had a colposcopy with a biopsy twice and once it detected cells, moderate to severe changes so I had a LLETZ procedure. I've had 2 clear smears since then but still have the HPV so it's still yearly smears atm

You would never be able to tell who does or doesn't have it, and you can't be cured of it by treatment, your body can naturally get rid of it, but then again it may not. Try not to worry, I did at first but they were so good to me when the cells came back abnormal and I feel more comfortable now

@GrumpyHoonMain yes I’ve been with my partner for years.

Ultimately it’s your choice. We can all go round and round in circles trying to convince you but you seem reluctant to even investigate it further. It seems to have really affected you and has made you very anxious. I question whether you heard what was actually being said by the medical team or took snippets and drew your own conclusions, I’m not for a second saying this was deliberate, just perhaps a result of your anxious state. I find it difficult to believe that a doctor specialising in that field would give you information that was untrue. I think what has more likely happened is you have misinterpreted information, similar to what you’ve done with the letter. I’m just going to leave you with, it is completely your decision and within your power to educate yourself on an issue that’s important to you. To not do so won’t make anything any better and by the sounds of it, you are causing other people to suffer unnecessarily in the process. Your call

Thank you @Doingitaloneandproud I’ve been trying to be as healthy as possible, to hopefully support my body to get rid of it if I still even have it. Hope yours goes soon too

Op I've in my previous reply I've explained the 'test of cure'

You can be clear of the virus because it's dormant not because your cured!!

And test of cure is not to test your cured for HPV

@Fueledwithfairydustandgin I’ve posted a photo of the letter I received which states ‘test of cure’ I’m not sure how I’ve misinterpreted, it’s quite basic and straight forward wording, and exactly the same as what the specialists have said

@Dippitydoodle so a ‘HPV test of cure’ isn’t to check if the HPV is cured?

Your taking the 'test of cure' too literal.

Its to determine if you still show an active HPV infection. If you do then they give you yearly smears as you are more likely to have cell changes as a result if the active HPV.

If your body has surpressed the virus then you are lower risk of cell changes and then will only need smears every 3 years.

HPV is a virus, like any virus your viral load varies. Sometimes your viral low is very low and you will test negative for the virus, sometimes your viral load is higher so you will test positive.

There are HPV tests for men, but none are currently approved for use by NICE as there is little data to show they’re effective as they look for precancerous cells in the anus, they don’t actually test for HPV. So the only way to protect yourself from HPV is to literally never do anything sexual with anyone else unless they were vaccinated as very young teens.

@Dippitydoodle that's exactly correct.

It is a odd phrase but I promise you your not at risk by having sex with your bf. You already have the virus.

I really would recommend researching HPV or speaking to someone to get all the facts.

There is no cure for HPV.

Yes I really do take things Very literally and struggle to understand when something means something else or isn’t totally clear @dippitydoodle - it just boggles my mind that they’ve said multiple times it’ll be cured, but really it isn’t cured and will be around forever? I would have preferred they’d said that in the first place, or mentioned on the letter about viral load and so on. They 100% told me that most people get rid of the virus entirely within a few years before it even causes issues. I suppose they just must mean that their body suppresses it enough for it not to cause harm?