To not have sex with HPV infected partner?

[Bubbles207]

Unfortunately I had a HPV positive, moderate abnormal smear result in January. I had treatment which was successful (and hopefully got rid of the HPV, although I won’t know until August when I have a follow up test of cure smear).

My partner and I haven’t had sex since I had the treatment. He’s the only person I’ve slept with, so I know he gave me the HPV and is very likely to still have it.

AIBU to end things over this? I can’t imagine sleeping with him again now, then finding out I have HPV again in August because he’s just passed it back on to me again. The doctor said HPV is very common and they don’t screen for it (except smears) so surely even if I ended things and met someone else, they could just (unknowingly) give it to me since men aren’t screened?

surely some women must find out they have HPV even when in long term relationships/marriages .. and not end things over it?

Feel really anxious about it all, I don’t want to never have sex again but I can already feel the lack of intimacy affecting things.. and I wouldn’t expect someone to stay with me when I’m refusing to have sex.

Thank you @mindutopia, that’s interesting. I am a bit confused as they definitely said that the follow up smear is to check the HPV is gone. I might phone them closer to the time and ask some questions to put my mind at rest - and so I don’t panic if it comes back HPV positive.

I don’t think focusing on that is particularly beneficial to me

None of what you're focusing on is beneficial to you. Have you considered talking to someone about your health anxiety?

@steff13 I think focusing on avoiding the risk of more precancerous cells in my cervix is beneficial to be honest - more beneficial than reminding myself of all the other cancers HPV causes

I don’t have health anxiety, I’m anxious about having sex with someone who has HPV. But thank you for the advice

I didn't feel be out I had HPV until I was married I've been with my husband 9 years and stupidly didn't get a smear test was so afraid had cin3 got treatment then went for a follow up six months later and was still positive though no unusual cells they were happy to discharge me been told to boost my immune system so been trying everything healthy smoothie plenty of greens supplements though next check up not die for two years

I think focusing on avoiding the risk of more precancerous cells in my cervix is beneficial to be honest

But, there isn't a realistic way to prevent it, other than to avoid sex, and you likely will still have HPV.

@Strawberryshortcake28 good luck, I’ve been taking black elderberry which is apparently anti viral and good for immunity x

@steff13 yes that’s why I’ve been avoiding it 😬 I’d pay to get the follow up smear early to see if it’s got rid of the HPV, but I don’t think it’ll be possible yet with the restrictions in place

Please try not to worry so much. I've been with DH since I was 18. I had the HPV vaccine and I had several clear smears. I then had CIN stage 3 I think removed in 2016. Not completely sure where it came from. I didn't change anything and I've had clear smears since then. I haven't been "reinfected" it that makes sense.

I think you sound badly educated about HPV and you seem reluctant to educate yourself properly. I understand researching it fully may be triggering but you’re making decisions based on partial information. I feel like it must be a huge strain on your partner to feel responsible for giving you something that he could well have had nothing to do with. If he makes you happy and you have a loving, supportive relationship I think you need to have a serious think about what you could potentially lose for no reason

Fueledwithfairydustandgin made my point much better than I did. You're avoiding having sex with your partner for no reason, based on something you don't seem to really understand.

@Fueledwithfairydustandgin I’m only going on what the actual doctors told me, who specialise in this, which I’d have thought would be better than ‘educating myself’ by googling. They told me that the treatment should get rid of the HPV.. so if that’s the case sleeping with someone who has HPV could just reinfect me. I didn’t understand how that would work in long term relationships hence this post.

Thank you @amazedmummy that’s interesting, glad you’ve been okay since

Op your really need to research HPV.

Its like the cold sore virus... If someone's had a coldsore then they always carry the virus, but only occasionally show symptoms.

You have HPV. You always will but you won't always show symptoms.

HPV caused pre cancerous cell charges that were detected on your smear. You had them removed (this wasn't HPV it was cell's that changed due to you having HPV)

Your next smear is to check that your body has suppressed the HPV so that it's not still active. And to make sure they were sicessful removing the precancerous cells from last time.

But you have HPV regardless. Having sex with your BF cannot reinfect you with something you already carry.

I think you do need to speak to someone about your anxiety around this. Your reaction and what you’re planning to do is not normal.
I’ve had 2 abnormal smears one followed by treatment. I’ve not considered not having sex with my husband as a result. I have however attended every follow up smear appointment and looked out for any changes in discharge or pain. This is a more measured reaction.
Thankfully I’ve now had a clear smear with no abnormalities detected.

“You are therefore discharges back to the care of your GP for a repeat smear with HPV test of cure” .. so it doesn’t stay in the body forever, and it should be cured by the treatment I’ve had.

Dug out the letter from the hospital to be certain. Confused why a lot of people seem to think the opposite!

I have never tested positive for HPV until my most recent test.

I have had at least 2 negative tests since I last had sex but this was a positive so needs a follow up.

I think they’ve explained this to you badly, there’s no treatment for the HPV itself, just for the cervical cell changes caused by HPV. Have a look at the info here: www.jostrust.org.uk/information/hpv

Unless you want to abstain from sex forever, the best thing you can do is stop smoking (if you smoke) and otherwise just get regular smear tests to check up on things.

They told me They only started testing for HPV within the last few weeks, @Khione. They said before they checked for abnormalities first - if no abnormalities, they wouldn’t have checked for the HPV. They do it the other way around now - first checking for HPV, then checking for any abnormalities.

They said this way allows them to keep a close eye on people with HPV.

I'm not going to repeat what everyone else has said as PP are correct.
You need to follow some of the links, look at reputable websites and see the information.
I'm sure the team meant well when they said that the HPV has gone but it's a virus that can lay dormant, it never really goes.
Comparing HPV status with friends is not normal... if it came up in convo about the procedure if you told them about it maybe but not like test scores at school.
It sounds to me like your not all that keen on the boyf and are looking maybe for an excuse for him to dump you.
Good luck, and as someone else says - maybe see someone about the health anxiety.

Your taking the 'test of cure' too literal.

Its to determine if you still show an active HPV infection. If you do then they give you yearly smears as you are more likely to have cell changes as a result if the active HPV.

If your body has surpressed the virus then you are lower risk of cell changes and then will only need smears every 3 years.

Thanks @rm15 just dont understand why the letter says test of cure.

I’m one of the youngest from my school year group and discussed with my close friends - certainly not comparing like ‘test scores in school’, what a strange view! didn’t realise I needed to add specifics beyond I’m the only one in my friendship group who has it.

There is no treatment for HOV itself. They have treated the abnormal cells in your cervix.
If you look on the NHS site about HPV and cervical abnormalities / treatment that’s what it says.
But I’m not going to argue with you as you’re not listening to what people are saying including a sexual health nurse.
I would suggest you ask very specific questions when you have your follow up appointment so you can then make an informed decision about what you want to do.
If you want to ensure you are never ‘infected’ by another person again, you’ll never be able to have sex again with anyone.

@HotDogGuy they said the treatment cures HPV so yes I am confused as it’s news to me that it stays in the body forever.. it contradicts my hospital letters, and every conversation I’ve had with the specialists so far!

Tbh It would make the issue with sex much simpler if it did just lie ‘dormant’ because then I wouldn’t be worried about exposing myself again through my partner..

Bubbles207 my friends and I talk about it too, dont worry! One of my friends tested positive for HPV and we were all baffled as we didnt get checked for HPV, just a normal smear.

It depends on your friendship group I guess but for me and my friends its perfectly normal.