Concerned about DD wanting to run away and “start a new life” after divorce

[Greydaysagain]

DD is 30 and in the process of getting divorced following a 5 year marriage and 12 year relationship. The divorce was initiated by DD on the grounds that she felt they had grown apart and she just didn’t love him anymore. It’s been very sad as he was a lovely man who is devastated and I worry that DD will come to regret the decision.

DD intends to move hundreds of miles away to London, to start a new life for herself. DD’s reasons are predominantly that she can’t stand the thought of bumping in to DH, his family or their shared friends after the divorce (we live in a close knit, rural area) and wants to move somewhere nobody knows her so that she can start afresh and enjoy herself. There are no DC involved and DD earns a good wage working from home, however, she’ll know nobody and have no support from her family and friends close by. This is a particular concern as DD is very much an extrovert and her happiness relies heavily on the ability to socialise with others. The area where we live now is very much a community and everyone knows one another, whereas London will be a totally different kettle of fish.

DD seems to think that she’ll easily make a wide group of new friends in London, will develop a fantastic social life with lots to do etc. AIBU in thinking that this is unrealistic for anyone who decides to leave entire life behind and particularly in a busy and unfriendly city such as london? Would genuinely be interested to hear others views before I decide how to approach this with DD.

Sounds amazing!!! Not something she’ll regret. Encourage her to get as much out of life as possible

I've read this one before....

She'll be fine, leave her to live her life.

London is really friendly. Much friendlier than other places I've lived.

For the record I’m 33 and In your daughters position id do the same. I’m 100% certain my mum would be my biggest cheerleader and would (and does) tell me to leave my comfort zone.

If you discourage her I would go as far as saying your failing in your role as her mum to be frank. Encourage adventure, she can always come home if she hates it

She's 30 years old and wants something different. This is her life to live, not yours. Stay out of it.

It sounds like she has her head screwed on. Good luck to her.

I would do exactly the same in her shoes. It’s very easy to make friends and meet romantic partners in places like London. Ideal for extroverts.

YABU on two counts. A) it’s not your business and B) she’s an extrovert! She will be out there, making friends.

I’ve moved several times to places where I know no one. My sister panics every time I do, worried I’ll be lonely. I join clubs, I sign up for things, I go for a drink and you find people
Along the way.

Gosh, I wonder why OP’s daughter wants a fresh start?
Every word of the OP is dripping with bosom hoiking judgement and fear.
Run! Greydaysagain’sDD, run!

You talk about your DD as if shes a child.Shes not,shes a grown woman itching for some adventure.

She sounds like she has her head screwed on.Shes young,keep your opinions to yourself and be there for her if she needs you.

I moved to London aged 30, great decision, my life is totally different, support her decision?

You can get some nice weekends away out of it too?

Is this post a wind-up?

Being single/dating in London in my early 30s was the best time of my life!

As we said last time you posted this, if you think her soon-to-be-ex-husband is so amazing, why don't you marry him?

Moving to London once everything is sorted out sounds like a great idea. I'm sure she'll make friends.

I hope you aren’t saying these things to her.

She will have a great time in London, it has a great social life and she could make some really good friends.

I know exactly what a close knit rural community is like, people talk, everyone knows everything and everyone has an opinion because no one has anything better to do. Sounds like moving to London is the best thing for her.

Be supportive.

I think it’s a great idea. I moved out of London when I was in my 30s and have always missed it and yes it is very easy to make friends and build up an active social life.

She's a 30 year old woman who has been in her home town with the same partner since she was 18. Now she wants some adventure and where better for a young extrovert than London!

Be excited for her, wave her off, wish her luck, let her know she can come back if she wants and just be supportive....

She’s not running away. She’s moving on. I hope she has a wonderful time.

The area where we live now is very much a community and everyone knows one another

Maybe that's the problem.

I did exactly this! I was 28, just divorced and wanted a completely new start. It was the best thing I ever did, made lots of new friends, found bags of confidence and had a blast! After a period of letting loose, I then settled down and 'grew up'.

In the back of my mind, I always knew that if it all went tits up, I could go back to my parents without judgement. Be that safety net for your DD and your relationship will strengthen.

Tell her to come to West Hampstead - we're LOVELY here - she' s a big girl, and clearly true to herself and stronger than most - well done on raising this independent young woman - we'll welcome her i'm sure.

Support your dd, and be glad she is finally living her life and not seeing out her days in a failing marriage. I would be proud of my dd if she was anything like your dd. Good on her, and I really hope she enjoys it, and what has she lost if it doesn't work out? Nothing. Be her biggest cheerleader, no matter what your reservations may be, because now more than ever she needs your support.

It does sound like the OP could do with spending sometime outside her rural community. There’s a big wide world out there, you should be encouraging your DD to see it.

Living in London when you’re 30 is the best time to do it.

I moved back to London after my divorce in my mid 30s and best thing I did. Made friends with people I lived with and there are loads of social group things to join. Tell her about meet up.

And when she is ready there is the dating scene!

I would advise her to try a house share - if she is wfh a flat on her own would be a bit lonely.

If she was an introvert I would be concerned but I am sure she will find her feet in no time