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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that nobody has bothered about DD's first birthday

173 replies

Roostersmum2 · 28/04/2020 11:44

DD turned 1 today, nobody has bothered to wish her a happy birthday.

I know she's a baby but it's the thought that counts imo. We both could have died at birth and were very poorly. Her reaching her first birthday is something to be celebrated surely.

People are aware. I wrote a post on Facebook incase anybody wanted to send a card. Family know.

The only person who ever consistently bothered with my DC was my dad and he died last year.

My DM told me she would post her a card through the letterbox, leave a teddy in the porch and wish her a happy birthday through the window at 9am but has not turned up and turned her phone off (something she does every time she wants to cancel plans but hasn't got the decency to call and tell me)

My DBro and SIL who I thought would send a message haven't bothered.

Not one family member on DH's side has got in touch.

I don't expect presents at all but a card would have been lovely, or even a little text or Facebook message.

AIBU to be saddened that nobody gives a shit?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 28/04/2020 11:46

Completely understandable that you’re upset. Happy birthday to your daughter aha congratulations to you on being a mum for a year Flowers

Sparticle · 28/04/2020 11:47

Normally I'd say that first birthdays are a bit overrated but from what you've said, I'm really sorry for you and your DD. Happy birthday to her! Star Bear Cake

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 28/04/2020 11:49

I think you have to accept that your baby will never be as important to other people as she is to you. I would have expected grandparents to send a card and gift, yes, but anyone else ? Honestly, no, I wouldn't. I also suspect this is more about how you feel people are ignoring you, rather than your daughter?

anonymum95 · 28/04/2020 11:53

Understandable that you're upset but it's only midday, give people a chance. Post is also backed up so if they've sent cards/presents they could be delayed. Hope your daughter enjoys her birthday, and I'm sure you're mum will appear at some point.

SpanishFly · 28/04/2020 11:54

I'd be livid too.
I'd also call your DM out on it later when you're feeling more calm.
They may be planning something more for this afternoon or something, but allowing you to get upset in the meantime is also badly thought through.

SpanishFly · 28/04/2020 11:55

Ps I mean I'd be livid at my mum based on what she promised.
I wouldn't be livid at others. You'll get some happy bday comments on Facebook but dont expect any more than that.
We all expect a lot when we have a child, but in the scheme of things they're not hugely important to anyone except parents and grandparents

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 28/04/2020 11:56

YANBU to be upset, but people (other than grandparents) ANBU not to send a card/text/message or what have you. It'd be nice for them to do so but I think if I saw a facebook post letting me know so that I could prepare a card etc., I'd be a bit Hmm.

I do hope that you have a lovely day and that your DM turns up as promised. It's rubbish that she's let you down without an explanation.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 28/04/2020 11:57

It's definitely about how I feel as opposed to DD being bothered, she's oblivious.

I'm upset on her behalf though if that makes sense. I hoped people would care and it saddens me that they don't.

My DM is a continuous let down and I've learned over the years that this is what she does when she has no plan of coming. I won't hear from her for about a week now and then it'll be "sorry I didn't come but..." then excuses.

I'm used to it so I should have known better than to expect otherwise.

OP posts:
Bibijayne · 28/04/2020 11:57

Happy birthday to your little girl. Not unreasonable to be sad. But, it's not quite noon. There is time for the odd message to come through still.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 28/04/2020 11:59

It's predominately about my DM, but her letting us down has then prompted me to think well nobody else cares either.

I send a card for all birthdays, every year without fail.

I'm going to revise that now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 28/04/2020 12:00

Thank you for the happy birthday messages Smile

She's got a pretty dress on and is happily playing with her balloons, oblivious.

We've got her some presents and a nice cake which I'm sure she'll enjoy

OP posts:
TheMandalorian · 28/04/2020 12:00

That is shit of them. I would be forgetting your mothers birthday in future.
What does your dh think about his family forgetting?
My niece is due a birthday in a months time. I'm gonna try and send something this week. You know because I care.
No excuse for them to not bother.
Happy birthday to your dd. I think you will have to make it special yourself.

DailyKegelReminder · 28/04/2020 12:00

It's a 1 year olds birthday, if family members can not be bothered to even wish her a Happy Birthday then that says more about them the miserable sods. Its shitty OP. Happy Birthday to your DD Flowers

Selfsettling3 · 28/04/2020 12:01

It’s not even lunch time. Give people a chance before you write them off.

DailyKegelReminder · 28/04/2020 12:02

I have just realised the time Blush so you may still get messages yet. Post is a bit hit and miss at the moment too so try not to let it upset you.

Emelene · 28/04/2020 12:02

That's really tough OP, I'm sorry.

I had something similar as my in laws all forgot / said they'd send something late and then didn't. They cancelled a visit for her birthday too. I've just had to accept they don't really "do" birthdays and it bothers me far more than them/ my daughter / my husband. It's tough though.

You sound like a lovely mum and UK sure your daughter will have a great day regardless xxx

Myfriendanxiety · 28/04/2020 12:02

Yes this is really sad. My DD has her first birthday during lock down and although she didn’t get cards from friends etc who would have been coming to her party, she did get them from Grandparents and Aunties/Uncles etc.

PumpkinP · 28/04/2020 12:03

YAnbu at all op. I would be upset too. Happy birthday to your little girl CakeFlowers

PunishmentSnart · 28/04/2020 12:05

Happy birthday to your little girl Cake

lockdownbirthdayhelp · 28/04/2020 12:05

I think it's really shitty of family to not wish her a happy birthday, send a card or gift.
I wouldn't expect friends to remember or send anything though.

Pelleas · 28/04/2020 12:06

Happy birthday to your DD Cake

LagunaBubbles · 28/04/2020 12:07

Of course it's horrible feeling no-one cares. But as you said this is more about your relationship with your Mum than anything else. She constantly let's you down, she won't change. She will never be the Mum you hope she will be sadly.

Cheeeeislifenow · 28/04/2020 12:07

I think that's a bit shit of them happy birthday to your LO.

SarahAndQuack · 28/04/2020 12:08

That's really sad about your mum.

I think it's really hard in this situation because, as you say, you'd like someone to celebrate the fact you survived! I think people don't quite get this if they've not had children, or if they had a relatively smooth labour. My DP had a rough time in labour and our DD got sepsis, and we still get slightly teary on DD's birthdays because inevitably you remember and think about what could have happened.

Chances are people are just thinking 'oh, a one year old's birthday, no big deal'. They won't realise it is more complicated than that for you.

So here's a virtual hug. Don't be too proud to reach out to friends, either - they may not have connected you posting about your DD's birthday with you feeling a bit vulnerable today.

Miajk · 28/04/2020 12:09

I get why you're upset, but it's only 12 pm and you should give people a chance.

There's a global pandemic right now and even if a few people forget, it happens. Some people don't make a fuss about birthdays and don't think it matters and that's OK.