To be sad that nobody has bothered about DD's first birthday

[Roostersmum2]

DD turned 1 today, nobody has bothered to wish her a happy birthday.

I know she's a baby but it's the thought that counts imo. We both could have died at birth and were very poorly. Her reaching her first birthday is something to be celebrated surely.

People are aware. I wrote a post on Facebook incase anybody wanted to send a card. Family know.

The only person who ever consistently bothered with my DC was my dad and he died last year.

My DM told me she would post her a card through the letterbox, leave a teddy in the porch and wish her a happy birthday through the window at 9am but has not turned up and turned her phone off (something she does every time she wants to cancel plans but hasn't got the decency to call and tell me)

My DBro and SIL who I thought would send a message haven't bothered.

Not one family member on DH's side has got in touch.

I don't expect presents at all but a card would have been lovely, or even a little text or Facebook message.

AIBU to be saddened that nobody gives a shit?

Hi, obviously it's more about how you feel than about how she does, but it's also completely understandably about building family traditions and, frankly, breaking up the monotony of lockdown. Could you (without any hurt feeling noises) message people in your family and ask for a quick video call? You can say something like, "Obviously we'd have a birthday party under normal circumstances but since we can't , let's video call and we can sing Happy Birthday!" (You could even say, it's been so long since we've seen you I don't want DD to forget what you look like.)They'll see her with the balloons and the dress and she'll see them singing and it will take five minutes. It doesn't even have to be the whole family at once--could do more than one in the day. The key is sounding upbeat and as though you're not expecting anything. Also the key is truly not expecting anything! Then take a picture of her enjoying her first brownie or whatever and send it to them.

The post I wrote on Facebook wasn't instructing people to send cards btw, it was just a "DD is turning one on Tuesday :)" post incase some family had forgotten.

Coincidentally, old friends I haven't seen for years and barely speak to have sent some lovely happy birthday messages.

But family can't be bothered

Happy birthday to your little one, hope she has as lovely a birthday as possible.

I’d be pissed off as well. I can’t be doing with all these excuses - every one knows post is slower at the moment but her birthday has been coming up for a year. It’s easy to send a card through funky pigeon or moon pig and easy to send presents through amazon. You don’t need to leave your armchair to do either.

Even if no one had any money they could text or send a message.

What goes around come around Op, may save you a small fortune in the long run.

Enjoy your daughter’s birthday.

I think we often forget that whilst our children may be the world to us, they aren’t that much of interest to others. A first birthday is really for parents and to take a picture with a cake.

The reminder on FB would have made me go as it’s like expecting something imo.

My DP had a rough time in labour and our DD got sepsis, and we still get slightly teary on DD's birthdays because inevitably you remember and think about what could have happened.

This is similar to what happened with us, I was in high dependency with sepsis and came close to not making it, and DD was also very unwell and was rushed off to the NICU. She was on IV antibiotics for a week and had to stay under blue lights because she was severely jaundice.

We were in for a fortnight and the whole thing was very traumatizing. I'm struggling a bit today with it being the anniversary of what happened.

This is compounded by the fact nobody cares.

I know it's early on in the day but I'm 90 percent sure there are no cards coming.

Despite all what happened last year with me and DD and the difficult year we've had, there was no expense spared when it came to buying gifts for others for their birthdays and Christmas.

All I wanted was a 99p card for her.

First birthdays are a non event for the baby. Get yourself something nice and forget about your mum being crap. You're going to make a better job of it yourself, right?

What a thoughtless family.
I'd be really upset and rethinking how much effort I put into the relationship with them all tbh.

It’s absolutely not normal. No matter who and who doesn’t ‘do birthdays’ it’s not normal to not wish your grandchild or niece a happy birthday at the very least.
I’d be seriously annoyed OP, it’s shit.

I've just had three more messages from friends wishing her a happy birthday which is lovely, so they (and you) have cheered me up a bit.

It probably seems quite daft to some people but when I think back to the start she had and the fact she's here happy and healthy, I do think that's something close family should care about.

She's got a lovely cake covered in flowers. She'll love it.

I'd have expected family to get in touch, yes. Friends, honestly, I have extremely low expectations of these days. It's sad but I think most people are a bit flaky and preoccupied with their own lives so I just don't expect much.

I hope she has a nice day.

I think we often forget that whilst our children may be the world to us, they aren’t that much of interest to others. A first birthday is really for parents and to take a picture with a cake.

In a normal, loving family children are very important. I adore my niece and nephew and I know my DB and SIL love DS very much too. The kids grandparents absolutely love them all so much too. Of course children are of interest to their wider family.

Anyway happy birthday to your daughter op I hope she has a lovely day and you can begin to heal from her traumatic arrival into the world a year ago.

It's my nieces first birthday today too, first thing I did was send a video message singing happy birthday to her, she loves singing. I've dropped cards and presents in her door way too.
I've got 5 boys and yeah first birthday ain't really gonna be remember to the child but we mommies remember and a bit of effort goes a long way so I completely understand what your upset and a little p*ssed at them. I would be too

I'm sorry that no one has made the effort for you or your daughter, especially considering what you went through.

Expecting people to think like you do is something you need to not put too much on or you will be disappointed. I have learnt this.

It is absolutely not normal to feel ignored but remember, this says more about your family than you. Enjoy your day with your baby girl and mark it special your way

Xmas and their birthdays you keep your purse tight shut dr now on op.
Better spent in your own little family imo.

.

Happy birthday to your darling daughter.

You are taking all this pain for her. I'm sure you'll give her a lovely day so she won't know anything is wrong. I hope you can forget the horrors of last year and enjoy this time with her.

Hugs to you both, and sympathy about your lazy and thoughtless family. I hope all the cards and presents come by the next post. Even if they don't, your little girl is luckier than many, in having parents who love and cherish her.

Have a lovely day

old friends I haven't seen for years and barely speak to have sent some lovely happy birthday messages

Family is over rated. They are there through circumstance, not choice. Friends are there through choice though and it seems as though you have a great bunch! Happy birthday mini Rooster

I’d be upset, too. However your post might be delayed at the moment - ours certainly has been, so don’t give up just yet.
Happy 🎂 to your little dd anyway.

And a 🍷 for you.

I send a card for all birthdays, every year without fail.

I'm going to revise that now.

Good!

@Roostersmum2 happy birthday to your dd. I don't know if you are a single mum too but sadly this kind of thing does happen more frequently than you'd imagine and I can only imagine has been highlighted further by lockdown. It's so hard to get your head around but IME it's a good thing to prepare it for each year, just in case. As kids get older they can have parties which means they don't notice so much but with lockdown it must be hard not even being able to do that. Hopefully next year will be better for you both. In the meantime you'll just have to spoil her and post lots of lovely pics on fb to show what fun you can make for her without anyone else's help! I remember making a LOT of cakes around that age

My daughter is 24 today so your daughter shares her birthday with a fantastic woman (I may be biased!). My daughter once said to me that the lack of support I have had from my family means I know from experience how to be the best mum to her... I'm sure your daughter will think the same one day. Happy Birthday!

Reading your posts @Roostersmum2 I completely think YANBU.

Your daughter’s start in life sounds v similar to my youngest daughter’s and she turns 1 in three weeks. I love her dearly but that was the worst day of my life as I will never forget the fear and the upset and the huge impact it ended up having on my DH.

You want to somehow “cushion” the blow by having a nice time with cake and teddies and song (I know I do) and - nothing. It’s like everyone’s forgotten today and that day a year ago, and that SUCKS.

Going through this in lockdown would be hard enough but the broken promises and turned off phones make it worse.

Be with your feelings today at the same time as making a fuss of DD and doing as many “birthday” things as you can. And tonight when she goes to sleep, have that cry and have that wine or have that kilo of Dairy Milk.

Your post has hit me right in the feels OP. Sending big love and birthday whoops to your DD. Xx

When I had my first I was unwell after. Needed surgery and DD needed her stomach pumped. I was on the high dependency ward separated from her ( y DH was with her).
Not one member of my family came to visit me in hospital.
I have 3 sisters. None came.
I didn’t expect my parents to. They didn’t.
In fact, none of them came to visit us when we were released. They decided to wait until Christmas, as we had plans to meet them (us travelling to them of course).
I honestly think they couldn’t be bothered to do the one hour car journey.
This was years ago. I learnt then never to rely on my side for anything. It made me completely reevaluate my relationship with them all.

Enjoy your day with your DD. Embrace her and love her. Take lessons from this in terms of your expectations going forward.

Totally shit of your mum

That said, lockdown is a funny time. I had a baby a month ago and the cards have taken absolutely weeks to arrive. I’ve also tried to send cards to my NCT friends and many online places have stopped taking orders so it’s taken an age.

Not excusing anyone, but it has been a lot more difficult to send a card recently.

Hope your daughter has a nice day anyway

Yanbu. it's not acceptable for immediate family to do this. I dont believe in posting cards but a message or text should be the least. your mum is horrible for promising something and then switching her phone off.
Happy birthday to your little one.