To be sad that nobody has bothered about DD's first birthday

[Roostersmum2]

DD turned 1 today, nobody has bothered to wish her a happy birthday.

I know she's a baby but it's the thought that counts imo. We both could have died at birth and were very poorly. Her reaching her first birthday is something to be celebrated surely.

People are aware. I wrote a post on Facebook incase anybody wanted to send a card. Family know.

The only person who ever consistently bothered with my DC was my dad and he died last year.

My DM told me she would post her a card through the letterbox, leave a teddy in the porch and wish her a happy birthday through the window at 9am but has not turned up and turned her phone off (something she does every time she wants to cancel plans but hasn't got the decency to call and tell me)

My DBro and SIL who I thought would send a message haven't bothered.

Not one family member on DH's side has got in touch.

I don't expect presents at all but a card would have been lovely, or even a little text or Facebook message.

AIBU to be saddened that nobody gives a shit?

I honestly don't understand this whole "only grandparents would send cards" situation.

I have always given a card and present to my nephews and niece every birthday and Christmas, and wouldn't dream of not even acknowledging their birthday!
The twins were born 2 weeks before Christmas Day and I got them a gift to share and cards. Just because they are "turning 1 and won't know any different" doesn't mean we shouldn't acknowledge it.

If they didn't want to send a present or card, how difficult is a FaceTime? My DD is 4 months and has FaceTimed with family multiple times throughout lockdown, and can smile and giggle along with them.

I'd be sad about it too, OP, and it would make me rethink how I act for the birthdays of others, particularly adults

OP, unless your mother has mental health issues, her behaviour sounds abusive. You say she has form for this - promising visits that don’t materialise and turning her phone off to avoid contact. That is not normal behaviour for any mother or grandmother. Could you even imagine doing something so shitty to your own little daughter when she is grown up?
Perhaps you need to rethink your relationship with your mother. Set some boundaries for acceptable behaviour. Maybe reduce contact with her altogether, rather than be repeatedly hurt by her false promises and manipulative behaviour. Think about how she treated you during your childhood. Was it always so unpleasant and inappropriate?

Decide how you want to interact with her in future. Set your own rules, don’t dance to hers.
And personally I think your wee DD will have a much nicer birthday without the old cow than with her!

When are their birthdays? Maybe think about returning their kind wishes (not!)!!!

@Roostersmum2
Happy First Birthday to your Daughter

The post has been strange lately...I received cards late
As for social media...I came off Facebook before the Virus, and really don't miss it..My DS and brother did the same.

I'd be upset, too. Try to have a lovely day..loads of us are having solitary lockdown 'big' birthdays :) you are not alone...But a first Birthday is pretty big. xx

Could have written this myself. Happy birthday to your little one! It's my youngest 1at birthday and same as you no one sent a message or a card etc. It's quite sad really. But we celebrated it so that's important bmore than anything else. Try and enjoy your day x

Happy birthday DD!

Aw, YANBU, most people can get out to post a card, they've had plenty of notice. They can ask neighbours if they are shielding, or at least good wishes on social media
Happy Birthday to your dd, I hope she has a nice day with you.
You could type out some of these messages from strangers and keep them for when she is older.

I think many people don't wish happy birthday to a one-year-old, as such a young child is not yet able to understand the concept of birthdays. It sounds as though your Mum is generally unreliable, and I can see how upsetting this must be. As regards other friends and relatives, I would cut them some slack because of lockdown. Maybe you should be a bit more open to friends about your daughter, and how frightened you were of losing her or even losing your own life, and how precious she is to you now.

Even if the excuse was the post is baked up , you would have thought they could send something by email/facebook/whatever.

Do not post anything online about your daughter's birthday. Why should they 'share' any info. Then if they mention it, let them know that as no one was bothered, you understood they would not be interested! Keep any photos for your selves!

I am most surprised. Even though your darling daughter will not have understood all the birthday cards and so on it is rather weird. People usually go out for little ones. Hmm. Strange.

I am sure she had a very good time anyway! Sod them.

At least now you know your family do not give a shit, then you needn't include them in future events!

Understandable that your upset op!!
Happy 1st birthday to your dd!! 🎉 I hope she has a lovely first birthday 🎂

I’m so sorry OP.

I know everything is upside down at the moment in lockdown, but that’s the reason why I’ve made an extra effort for everyone I know who has had/ will soon have a birthday. It’s crap enough being stuck at home with a birthday and having had parties etc cancelled, let alone no one even bothering to send a card or message.

Your mum in particular sounds useless.Sadly she won’t ever change but you can make a different story for your DD and be someone she can always rely on... and as she grows up into an adult she will be someone else for you to have a close relationship with and will make the effort with you the same y do with her as she’s learned by your example.

I bet she looks adorable in her pretty dress and she will love her flower cake. Easier said than done, but try not to waste time thinking about those who have let you down and focus on making the day as fun as possible.

Happy birthday to your beautiful little girl 🤍 your feelings are completely valid

Happy birthday! 🎈

You’re totally right.

Happy Birthday to your DD

A friend posted a “we can’t celebrate as we might have done by inviting you round, child’s name would so love to receive a card of video message” PM me if you don’t have contact details. Thank you!!

I’m not very good at asking for exactly what I want but I think that’s probably something I need to get better at. She had lots of messages/cards from people who probably wouldn’t have done it otherwise (me included)

But you are totally justified at feeling upset with your family and I’m sorry

Happy 1st birthday lovely xx

Sorry your family are useless 🌈❤

Wishing your little love a very happy first birthday! And congratulations to you - time to celebrate that incredible day you brought new life into the world!

I really sympathise with how you feel. My partner’s family refuse to acknowledge my two children, but lavish attention on his son by his previous marriage. It is very hurtful that people can behave like that. Even if the child is too young to understand, you certainly aren’t. At the moment, my children are too young to know that when their half brother talks of his grandfather, aunts and uncles, he is also talking of THEIR family. I’m now very pleased that my children have no contact with such unpleasant, toxic people. But it has resulted in my adding to their numbers. I only wanted one child, but am now pregnant with my third - partly so they’ve got more people on their team, so to speak.

I’m sure you’ve seen on Facebook how other families make a huge fuss of grandchildren / nieces / nephews’ birthdays, even during lockdown. This often rubs salt in the wounds, and compounds the lack of thought, effort and affection shown by your own family. Try not to let that affect you too much. Those families will be totally fucked up too - just in other ways.

They may have posted a card. Post is very slow. All my son’s cards turned up a day late, even from the most reliable / organised types.

Happy Birthday to your DD! The post is very slow at the moment, my card for my Niece took several days longer than normal.

I’m sorry OP I can imagine how rubbish this has made you feel as I know I would feel the same. I know as PP have mentioned, your child is never as important to others as they are to you but I still think it’s nice to acknowledge the day (even if the recipients are too young to know any different!) because birthdays are special- being born is a pretty big deal!

Wishing your DD a very happy birthday

My mother wouldn't attend my daughter's first birthday party because I didn't invite my step brother who hates me ( I saw him once a year at Christmas no other contact). He would of got drunk and ruined it, she stopped speaking to me because of this. She died 3 years later never seeing my daughter again. It still bothers me now so understand how you feel. I tell myself it's them that have missed out, I will try to always to make her birthdays special. Happy birthday 🎉 to your daughter x

Happy birthday to your daughter, OP! She has a lovely mum to look after her, she will be just fine.

That’s horrible.

I wouldn’t expect non family to care, but family should be sending cards (and there would be gifts in my circles too). First birthday cards are something to keep-I have mine and I’m 42!!

My DD turns 1 when we may be in lockdown still, so we expect to not do much but there will be cards and gifts from family for sure, and FaceTime if nothing else.