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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that nobody has bothered about DD's first birthday

173 replies

Roostersmum2 · 28/04/2020 11:44

DD turned 1 today, nobody has bothered to wish her a happy birthday.

I know she's a baby but it's the thought that counts imo. We both could have died at birth and were very poorly. Her reaching her first birthday is something to be celebrated surely.

People are aware. I wrote a post on Facebook incase anybody wanted to send a card. Family know.

The only person who ever consistently bothered with my DC was my dad and he died last year.

My DM told me she would post her a card through the letterbox, leave a teddy in the porch and wish her a happy birthday through the window at 9am but has not turned up and turned her phone off (something she does every time she wants to cancel plans but hasn't got the decency to call and tell me)

My DBro and SIL who I thought would send a message haven't bothered.

Not one family member on DH's side has got in touch.

I don't expect presents at all but a card would have been lovely, or even a little text or Facebook message.

AIBU to be saddened that nobody gives a shit?

OP posts:
Biscuit0110 · 28/04/2020 13:58

Happy birthday to your darling girl in her party dress [teddy] Cake

Some sage advice from someone fifteen years on from the discovery that your family are not the best. Your dd does not need a loving extended family to be content, happy and fulfilled, she has you (and possibly her df) to be there for her. Spend the next year (when we are out of lockdown) developing a couple of strong baby groups and friends for her. As many as you can, and from these groups you will hopefully find one or two very decent lovely friends. Next birthday you invite them all over and every year after that.

Better to learn now that your mother is always going to let you down, and by extension your dd. Protect your dd from this disappointment. When she is young she won't care, and she won't know what she is missing. As she gets older brush it off with granny never remembers anything. Try never to show her your personal pain, because she can only learn to feel disappointed from you. Build up a second family, so you don't need your biological one.

I would distance myself in every way possible in order to deliver a calm, healthy childhood for my dc. You can't do that with a parent who can not even remember the first birthday of her baby grandchild.

You actually don't need her. Ditch your expectations and work on your plan B. You made it through, you did it, and you are all there to celebrate. To hell with everyone else (you will save a fortune in cards at least!)

Toomuchtrouble4me · 28/04/2020 14:03

Happy birthday to your DD - of course family should have at least phoned/texted. I'm isolating with my 88yr old mother and she made a huge fuss aout contacting my son in London on his birthday last week - I showed her how to send a moonpig E-Card, she was facinated, let alone when she used Paypal to send him his birthday cash - and he's 22!
Just 'forget' your mums birthday, or better still, arrange to pop round and then turn your 'phone off - or be better than that.
Have a lovely day.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 28/04/2020 14:04

Happy birthday to your little girl OP.

I'm always surprised how variable people are on this. My own mother & siblings would never miss a birthday card & gift to the various children in the family, if something was unavoidably delayed, there would be apologetic texts and phone calls, video messages singing happy birthday etc to make up for it.

But DH family are far less into this. DS was 3 this year, and DH parents and siblings sent nothing, no cards, no presents. They are an otherwise close and supportive family. I wouldn't dream of commenting but find it sad that I think next year DS may notice that his relatives on my side mark his birthday while his relatives on his father's ignore it.

SingingSands · 28/04/2020 14:05

Happy birthday little one!

I bet you've had a lovely year of getting to know your lovely baby girl and watching her grow.

My favourite ever age is the year between one and two years old - everything is a wonder, they are exploring the world, and they change so fast yet are still so little.

I'm having a cup of tea and a slice of cake 🍰 in my kitchen and raising my mug to you both!

AlexCrowe84 · 28/04/2020 14:05

I cut off one of my oldest friends for a similar reason.
I had fertility issues and it took me 6yrs to have my daughter. By this time, my friend had 3dc, with the eldest being 11. I'd always made a big effort for their birthdays - cards, presents and outings. One year I even bought and supplied all bits for one of her dc's party, as she hinted that she was short of cash but really didn't want to let dc down.

For my DD's first birthday, I didn't get so much as a text, which literally costs nothing.
I cried that morning at the realisation that we clearly didn't matter to her as much as they mattered to us.

I no longer make an effort with her at all, but I still send her dc cards, as it's not their fault and I still love them.

Some people just don't place as much emphasis and importance on these things as others. However, don't let others make you feel that you and your DD aren't important, because you are.

Happy birthday to your little lady - hope she's having a fab day.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/04/2020 14:18

You are absolutely not being unreasonable to be sad about it.

There's no need to be so dismissive of your baby's first birthday - it's a big milestone for both of you and your family suck.

Happy Birthday BabyRooster! Cake

HazelBite · 28/04/2020 14:21

Happy Bithday to your little girl Cake

Hopefully your Mother will turn up with a card etc.

(I would be so thrilled to be a Grandma, she doesn't realise how lucky she is!)

Elmo230885 · 28/04/2020 14:23

Happy Birthday to your little one x

TeddyBeans · 28/04/2020 14:24

Happy birthday to your little girl 🎂🥳 hope she has a fantastic day!!

ladycarlotta · 28/04/2020 14:25

Big hugs to you OP. The first birthday is a huge landmark and you deserve to celebrate it for your own sake even if your little one doesn't have a clue. Congratulations for making it this far! Enjoy your lovely baby, mine turned 1 a few months ago and honestly I think this is my favourite stage yet. There are so many adventures to come.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 28/04/2020 14:25

Thank you all, you're very kind

My DM has turned up which has surprised us

She bought DD a card, a teddy and put some money in the card. Sang her happy birthday through the window.

She uniformly let's me down but she has redeemed that today so I'm grateful

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 28/04/2020 14:28

That's wonderful!

Rayshine13 · 28/04/2020 14:29

Happy birthday to your angel 🎂🎂😊🎉🎉🎉

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/04/2020 14:32

That’s great!

Wotsitsarecheesy · 28/04/2020 14:32

That's great, Roostersmum :)
You still may get other cards in the post over the coming week or so. I posted my sister's and neice's birthday cards at the same time, first class. Neice's arrived after 4 days. Sister's took 10 days. Post seems to be completely random at the moment.

Newcatmum · 28/04/2020 14:35

Happy birthday to your daughter 🎂🎉 it's my daughter's 3rd birthday soon we both nearly died during labour too so I understand why you are feeling teary. I have felt the same way her last 2 birthdays and I'm sure I will this year too. Even more because of the current situation.

Lolaesque · 28/04/2020 14:36

I absolutely can understand why you would feel like this. Happy 1st birthday to your little girl. I'm sorry your family haven't acknowledged it. The shame is on them.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/04/2020 14:36

Wow - that's a surprising update OP.
Glad she didn't let you and your DD down.

Happy birthday to your lovely girl.

To be sad that nobody has bothered about DD's first birthday
littlealexhorne · 28/04/2020 14:37

Happy birthday to your DD, I hope you both manage to have a lovely day. Glad your DM showed up after all

Etinox · 28/04/2020 14:38

Such good news! Happy Birthday little Rooster! 🎂 🎁

SVRT19674 · 28/04/2020 14:39

I totally understand where you are coming from. For me 1 year was a milestone. Happy birthday to your little one and my best wishes to you.

RideaCockHorseOfCourse · 28/04/2020 14:41

That's great now, Roostermum that your mum has turned up. I know how it feels to get bogged down in that sadness, when you feel let down. Lovely that she's made the effort for your DD ! Many Happy Returns, little one!CakeBear

waytheleaveswork · 28/04/2020 14:46

Aw glad your Mum turned up.

Happy Birthday to your daughter and congratulations to you for making it to this milestone with her

xx

Hopefulhen · 28/04/2020 14:50

Happy birthday to your lovely DD and congratulations on surviving her first year!
When I look back at my childhood, it was nice that some relatives sent cards etc but it was my mum who planned parties, made cakes and made me feel special. I remember and appreciate her when I think of childhood birthdays.
Your mum sounds rubbish but you don’t, your DD is lucky to have you.

MeadowHay · 28/04/2020 14:59

So sorry OP. YANBU. It is more difficult for people to do stuff now e.g. they can't visit, it can be difficult to buy a card and present with most the shops closed. But that's no excuse for a phone call or a text at the least! DD had some great fuss at her 1st birthday but some people didn't bother at all and it did annoy me and DH. In particular DH's brother and his wife didn't make any contact and never got her a card or present. Generally I wouldn't expect gifts from people but for a wealthy couple not to buy their niece a birthday present or even a card, I'm sorry but I think that's horrible. So was very upset about that. But then she's nearly two and even though they don't live that far away they've seen her about a handful of times in her life so it wasn't exactly a surprise.