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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hubby has forgotten my birthday again!

239 replies

Helen0709 · 28/04/2020 11:18

Been with my OH for 3 of my birthdays and its never remembered or acknowledged!! We live together and have a toddler,so it's not a casual relationship!! Iv yet to receive either a birthday card from either him or our daughter!! I know its petty with everything that's going on in the world but the 3rd year in a row is starting to take the piss surely?? I'm not a materialistic person at all,just a card and a "happy birthday darlin " is all I want,am i being unreasonable??

OP posts:

DamnYankee · 29/04/2020 00:19

I even bought myself a cake last year

I've started buying myself the wine and chocolates I like and a small gift I like for my husband to give me on Valentine's Day.

Saves time and hurt feelings...and I get just what I like!

DamnYankee · 29/04/2020 00:19

Oh, and Happy Birthday!!!

Covid19 birthday here

PerkyPomPoms · 29/04/2020 02:47

He’s an absolute dick - and putting you at risk for his weed purchase!

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 29/04/2020 06:23

He is telling you very clearly what he thinks of you.

Where is your sense of self worth? He is HORRIBLE.

ZooeyS · 29/04/2020 06:36

He doesn’t give a shit about you. How clearly does he need to express that before you understand it?

dontdisturbmenow · 29/04/2020 06:55

He sounds like a kid. Affectionate and loving when it suits him, totally selfish the other times.

You are letting him get away with it. He needs to learn that because things are not important for him because of his past doesn't mean they are not important to others because if their past.

You really need to start showing him tougher love. You are spoiling him.

Timeslikethese2020 · 29/04/2020 07:43

Aside from the lack of effort re your birthday, how do you feel about the weed?

CaptainBlunderpants · 29/04/2020 07:56

Remembered to buy weed though didn’t he.

He just doesn’t care. Stop making excuses for him.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/04/2020 07:59

What was this operation in January that he’s still recovering from?

Shoxfordian · 29/04/2020 08:02

Had enough money to buy weed
He's a knob
It's totally unacceptable behaviour

BobbyBlueCat · 29/04/2020 08:12

You said you've been with him for three birthdays and already have a toddler together so clearly didn't actually get to know each other properly before getting tied together for life.

He doesn't acknowledge birthdays.

He takes illegal drugs.

He is 'shit' with finances.

He doesn't work.

He can't follow government instructions around Corona and goes out to meet drug dealers on your birthday.

Show your kid there is a better life than this.

Ullupullu · 29/04/2020 08:26

Is this your first relationship OP? I know you say you're 39 but I can't understand why you put up with his behaviour and all the smiley emojis when I wouldn't let anyone, friend or family, treat me like that.

CaptainBlunderpants · 29/04/2020 08:34

I’m confused by all the smilie emojis too, like it’s amusing ‘oh he’s forgotten my birthday again but had enough money for weed, ho ho isn’t he hilarious!!’ Erm...no, he’s a dick.

Yellowsubmarinedreams · 29/04/2020 08:37

Because he doesn't care. LTB.

FallonSwift · 29/04/2020 08:50

What a lazy arsehole.

Why aren't you and your daughter worth more than this?

Kind and loving partner? Hardly. He's a lazy liar.

You are being taken for a complete mug. What are you going to do about it?

FallonSwift · 29/04/2020 08:51

Couldn't afford a card but managed to go and buy drugs.

Too ill to work yet well enough to go off and see a dealer.

What exactly is the point of him?

Thehop · 29/04/2020 08:52

He’s not a good partner or a good father.

He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care he’s setting a terrible example to your daughter.

He sleeps all morning and can’t be arsed to work (no way is he still sick from an op in January. If he’s well enough to go buy drugs he’s well enough to work)

He took the money you gave him to get YOU a drink for your birthday and stole it to buy him else of cans

He had money for weed but doesn’t think highly enough of you to make a card with your daughter, or sing happy birthday with her and make a cup of tea, and run you a nice bath.

You are less of a priority to him than drugs and his mates.

What the hell are you doing with this absolute loser? You deserve better and, more importantly, so does your little girl. She’s learning from him what to expect from a partner.

Cambionome · 29/04/2020 09:14

Why why why are you putting up with this op? It's not normal behaviour on his part, he's not just a bit daft, he actually doesn't give a shit about you or your dd. You know that really, don't you?

Please face up to it for your dd's sake.

GertrudeCB · 29/04/2020 09:20

Wow, he really doesn't give a flying fuck about you , does he ?

Butterymuffin · 29/04/2020 09:26

This plus the shit with money, isn't working and doesn't take instruction all sounds like a nightmare. Whose house is it?

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 29/04/2020 09:32

Op do you have a history of abusive relationships? I often hear people with histories of abuse defining "kind and caring" as the absence of overt abuse rather than the presence of some positive action. I'm sorry to be blunt but you're clearly in a truly horrible loveless relationships with someone who obviously doesn't care about you , describing him as kind and caring and a great dad. But I wonder if what you mean by that is "never screams abuse at me", "hasn't cheaten on me (that I know of)", "would never hit the children". That's not being kind or a great dad, that's just the minimum that's required to not be human scum. I am telling you right now that a man who ignores your birthday, breaks social distancing to buy drugs, claims to be too broke to buy you a card but has money for booze and weed etc, is not a kind, caring, loving man. And I have no doubt that he's a shit dad as well. Does he ever get up with your kid? Make their meals? Replace their clothes when they get too small? Take them to clubs? Organise their birthday parties or gifts? Support their learning? Take an interest in their development or issues like future schooling? I'll die of shock if you answer yes to any of the above. Or does he just, occasionally, play with them for 10 minutes, give them the odd cuddle, and otherwise not treat them with overt abuse and contempt? That's not being a "great dad", that's the minimum I'd expect of anyone interacting even occasionally with children. A man who puts his family at risk by meeting drug dealers during lockdown, and who spends his last penny on drugs rather than his family, whilst you are giving yourself what sounds like a rare treat (?!) by spending your own birthday money on yourself rather than "the family", is not a good dad. Your relationship is not going to work op unless he does some serious work on himself to change. I'm talking long periods of therapy. But he won't, and you know it. You're only 3 years in, it's only going to get worse. Cut your losses and treat yourself to a solicitor for your birthday. And do the freedom programme pronto.

Piglet89 · 29/04/2020 09:40

Seconding @ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

Mittens030869 · 29/04/2020 09:48

I'm so sorry, he isn't a loving father and partner. He really isn't. He should want to make an effort to make you feel special on your birthday. I also can't see that he adds anything to your life at all and you're worth so much more than that.