Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To email my ex a final time?

240 replies

Jojobar · 28/04/2020 09:52

I was in a relationship for a number of years which ended recently.

He was living at my house during the lockdown period, which he didn't like as he doesn't like it here. He started behaving a bit off-ish to me, not coming to bed til 3am, that kind of thing. I instigated a conversation which he didn't like , the discussion became quite heated and he ended up putting his hands on me and poking me. Didn't hurt but it was more the significance of it. He stormed out and went home (lives over 3 hours away).
He contacted me a week later and tried to say there was fault on both sides, we were both as bad as each other. I said that I needed him to apologise for what he'd done to me and how it had upset me, he needed to acknowledge it was wrong and he wouldn't do it again (for context he is 6 inches taller and about 9st heavier than me).

He refused and asked if I was really going to throw away our relationship for such a pathetic reason. I said that I couldn't see a way to move forward in the absence of an apology/ acknowledgment. He said have it your own way...that was the end of the call. That was 2 weeks ago and I've not heard from him since.

I really hoped he would see it from my POV, but I don't think he can. Even up to the last few days I've been hoping he might have some kind of lightbulb moment where he realises he's being unfair but he's so entrenched into believing he is never wrong that I don't think that can happen.

I am really quite angry at him for throwing everything away over something so minor - I willingly apologise for things all the time, am always trying to see the other persons viewpoint. Our relationship has not been plain sailing, he was diagnosed with cancer after we'd been together only 6 months (he's fine now thankfully), he's suffered multiple bereavements, lost a job, I've helped him moved house 4 times, supported him through a difficult court case...yes I have ups and downs but nothing on that scale. He also cheated on me last year, as a result of which we split up for a number of months.

I just feel like I supported him through all that, which wasn't easy, forgave his infidelity (and all the shit which came with it as the woman he was seeing then started stalking and harassing me) and he couldn't make this small effort for me? It really sticks in my craw, and I want to write to him and tell him.

And also to call him out on some of his other bullshit, like he said more than once that we'd get engaged yet no ring ever appeared. Even last year after all the shit he and that psycho put me through, I said if we were going to get back together I'd want some kind of commitment, he agreed. Said something like hoe it was quid pro quo for giving him another chance. But nothing happened.

I dont think whatever I write to him will change the outcome, but I just want to have my say. Or as he would say, insist on having the last word, because apparently I see all arguments as wining and I have to win. His words. I just want to call out his bullshit because even if due to his 20 odd years of habitual weed smoking he can't remember what he's said, I bloody well can.

So WIBU to email him?

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 29/04/2020 09:31

Right, first-up, I have read only your opening post and I will now go back and read the rest of the thread, but I just had to post this immediately.

For the love of god woman, DO NOT EMAIL THIS ABSOLUTE ARSEHOLE.

He will see it as capitulation on your part and will preen at it, and you will be left feeling even worse than you do now. DO. NOT. DO. IT.

Vanhi · 29/04/2020 10:07

I get what you mean about men wanting you to dumb down, OP. I have a BA, MA and PhD. I've worked in academia. I encountered so many men who found me physically attractive but who couldn't cope with my level of intelligence. Mostly it was other academic men who had the problem as they seemed to see me as competition. Since I've dated outside of that pool it's been less of an issue.

Which is not to say I'm somehow so special and different. It's really quite common for men to feel threatened by intelligent women. Those who aren't get snapped up quickly as they are generally less likely to be misogynist arseholes. So yes, plenty of intelligent women can find great partners. Some of us aren't as lucky, at least not for a good while.

curious79 · 29/04/2020 10:26

If you email him, what’s the endgame you are trying to achieve? If it’s some kind of resolution and apology you know you’re never going to get this. Clearly this is about holding out hope for if things might be rescued. Given he has already cheated on you personally I would say good riddance to bad rubbish. He isn’t suddenly going to turn into some kind of gallant and self realised individual

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/04/2020 10:31

OK, one of the advantages of reading a thread in a one-er is that the change in tone is more obvious than if you read it in real time. And you, Jojobar, are mellowing towards this arsehole. Worse, you are rewriting your history to support it.

Compare:

"How I truly loved him and he didn't love or respect me in the same way. I believed he did, everyone around me thought we were the perfect couple." (Wed 29-Apr-20 01:16:42)

To:

"I just want to call him out on his shit. All the stuff with the bloody ring. He thinks hes the perfect partner because women like that psycho he was cheating on me with tell him he wonderful he is. Yet all my friends (I use the term friends loosely, I don't really have friends they're more acquaintances) didn't like him and thought he was an arse, and that's even before the cheating." (Tue 28-Apr-20 10:08:54)

Ah what a difference a day makes! Or even 15 hours.

"everyone around me thought we were the perfect couple" versus "all my friends ... didn't like him and thought he was an arse, and that's even before the cheating". Not only do they contradict each other, but your later tone is wistful, against the earlier tone of anger. I'm starting to see how this relationship lasted as long as it did.

"He genuinely thinks we are star crossed lovers."
I think you could be projecting there, and it's you that thinks that.

I'm hoping it was just tiredness in the early hours of this morning that mellowed you, and when you wake you'll have rediscovered your anger at being treated so badly for so long. You need to disentangle yourself from this arse, and move on.

Jojobar · 29/04/2020 11:44

It's 2 sides of the same coin. Every situation has positives and negatives, your frame of mind makes you focus on one or the other.

For 5 years did people tell me (not at my behest, this was sometimes people I didn't even know that well) what a fantastic couple we were, how happy I was in his company, how much I had blossomed in our relationship - they did. Did many of the same people then say (once we'd split up last year) that they didn't entirely like him, found him hard work or a number of variations on that theme? (and that they'd thought this for some time, before they knew about him shagging around) Absolutely. And some of that is because he's opinionated, and a bit bullish, but mainly because he can behave like an arse. As I well know.

And yes, he has often said we are inextricably linked, that we will always get back together. This is the sort of stuff he comes out with. When we split up last year I honestly believed it was over for good, and grieved over it. However he never doubted we'd be reconciled and found it odd I'd think otherwise. He didn't tell people we'd split up (because we were destined to stay together, or whatever).

Anyway, none of that changes anything. It's not 1am and I'm not in tears about it like I was last night. I'm still sad, still disappointed in him for not being the person I believed he was, for not having the emotional and actual intelligence I thought he had.

But the crux of it is I'm still not going to send an email.

OP posts:
springydaff · 29/04/2020 12:19

Even without the latest wankfuckery, I'd not trust a man who cheats. It's all over for me at that point.

Prove him wrong on the star-crossed lovers shit. He thinks he's in control, he can let you go, reel you in. Prove him wrong.

Because he is fucking wrong

springydaff · 29/04/2020 13:13

How much have you cried over this guy?

He's broken your heart TWICE now.

Enough already

Jojobar · 29/04/2020 20:02

Oh I've cried too much over him already. I'm trying not to cry any more. Am trying to focus on work which at least is a distraction.

OP posts:
Notwiththeseknees · 30/04/2020 12:58

Seriously, you are too good for him. Get with the programme and get on with your life. When the scales finally dropped from my eyes, my life began again and as I had wasted too much time in a dreadful relationship with a narcissist, I started over doing things I never dreamed I would or could do. Do the notebook thing, then read it back in a few months - you will be shocked - I guarantee it.

Go online, look up a course and just do it, whether it is navigation, TEFL, garden design, palaeontology - do something fabulous, not just a distraction. Distraction = diversion. Don't divert, go full steam ahead, single and loving it!

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 30/04/2020 13:04

I clicked YABU because you posted about this a couple of weeks ago got loads of great advice and it seems you’ve not taken any of it on board.

Jojobar · 30/04/2020 13:18

I'm so busy with work at the moment, doing 10-12 hour days that I haven't got much time. This is good because it keeps me busy but it does mean in downtime I'm knackered and then just end up thinking about him.
I'm also only averaging about 4 hours sleep a night which is not great.
I'm going to take some time this weekend to try and plan my days and build in some proper breaks which i've not been taking.

It's still bloody hard and I miss him an awful lot, every time something happens I'd normally talk to him about, I miss sharing views on this current situation and our when will lockdown be lifted predictions, because he was my closest friend as well as my partner.

But we are where we are, and I have to carry on without him. If I had anyone in my life other than my kids that probably would be easier though. But I haven't so no point dwelling on that really!

OP posts:
famousforwrongreason · 30/04/2020 15:10

Aww bless you @Jojobar I understand that feeling. My ex and I felt like best friends and shared a very similar quirky and dark sense of humour. SO many things I want to tell him or show him and I can't, I can't think of anyone else who'd find them remotely interesting. All our in jokes etc.
I guess that's just another part of the ending and letting go, the realisation that you've lost that person for good.
This is why I get upset when friends are dismissive of my upset, he's an arse hole, ergo I should be pleased to be rid.
It's not that simple, in relationships you connect on so many levels.
Time truly is the greatest healer, and self love. And surrounding yourself with positivity

Giespeace · 30/04/2020 15:45

I’ve only had a quick scoot through the thread so this may have been suggested already but my tuppence worth is that it’s a good idea to write him a long old letter, getting it all off your chest in as much lurid detail and colourful language as you deem fit - then burn it.
You need a release but you need not to let this cretin see the slightest chink of light back into your life.

Jojobar · 30/04/2020 16:55

famousforwrongreason yes that's it - we have so many injokes which wouldn't be funny to anyone else, special words for things, shit that only we find interesting or amusing. Shared likes, hates, all that stuff.

I guess we're all a bit in limbo right now because of all the restrictions, this kind of feels like another element to that. I'm trying to focus on the ways I've improved over the last 6 years. In many ways I have my shit a lot more together than I did when I met him, partly thanks to him but not entirely. So thats a positive I can take forward into my new life.

Am ditching work early tonight and going for a long clear my head walk ( if it stops raining long enough that is!)

OP posts:
famousforwrongreason · 01/05/2020 00:22

Oh bless you hope you got your walk and it sounds fab that you feel like you're in a better place than before for lots of reasons.
It's good to take a positive from the relationship.
I really believe no contact is the way forward and I'm really determined to make it work this time. I've cried enough annd spent way too much energy trying annd failing to be heard.
I have a day off tomorrow so we'll give a nod to the homeschooling regime and I'm also planning a massive long walk! Kids can like it or lump it!
Take care

New posts on this thread. Refresh page