Saw kids locked in a car, still feeling bad.

[yumyumh]

Sorry for bad title, I really didn't know what to put. This happened within the last couple of hours.

At local supermarket, (big chain and very big store). They have been allowing couples and small families to shop together, in guessing because if the magnitude of the shop it's considered safe.

As soon as I got out of the car I could hear a toddler babbling and realised it was coming from inside another car. This car was parked near the front of the shop, the front two windows were halfway down and in the back were two children; a toddler age child still in a car seat and an older child (old enough to not be in a car seat) but still I'd say no older then 10. No adult in the car with them or anywhere to be seen. (No idea how long they'd already been there)

The kids weren't crying or anything but they looked very bored and restless. I joined the que: thinking parents could be putting trolley away or back in a second etc. However, 20-25 mins later I'm at the front of the line and still no adult or parent in sight. A few other people had noticed and made comments, someone said a sarky comment about calling the police but no action had been taken. Another 5 mins go by, no parents to be seen.

I was really torn, I don't want to be nosy and in someone else's business but at the same time there's unattended children possibly locked (I had no way of knowing at that moment) in a car for almost half an hour plus the time from before I arrived.

I decided that if they were still there by the time I came out the shop I would definitely do something: report it to security as an issue/ police but also would just mention to the security on the door on my way in, just so they were aware and could keep an eye out. I also copied down the car registration and model.

Minutes later, a woman comes out the shop carrying 2 bags of shopping and goes over the the car and unlocks it (so the doors were locked), proceeds to put bags in etc. Then I'm let into the shop so I don't see anything else and as the kids are now with an adult I never mentioned anything to the shop security.

It's been on my mind though and I feel like Ive done something wrong. The woman showed up in the end so I didn't do anything in the moment, but I don't know if I should still do something and if so what could if I do? I have the car reg.

I'm also not trying to be nosy at all and she could have very valid reasons but I just find it quite dangerous to leave small children locked in a car for that amount of time. Especially when shop was allowing kids in with parents.

My very sensible 9yo ds is more than capable of looking after his 3yo sister for a few minutes in the car. I've left them for a few minutes myself, windows slightly open and doors locked. The length of time you're describing is a lot longer than I would be comfortable with myself, but maybe the older sibling had a phone and was in contact with the mother. If I were a single parent at the moment I might well do the same. The parent clearly cared for those children as the windows were left open, but the car doors locked. In a normal world she would have been in and out in 10 mins max, but these are unprecedented times. Lots of coronavirus vigilantes look down their noses while muttering about parents in supermarkets with children. She probably thought it was better to be viewed as neglectful for leaving her kids in the car than shouted at and disapproved of for taking them in with her.

Don't see the problem myself. I used to love being lady in the car. I've taken to leaving my three at home.

Why does everyone instantly think it's a woman who left them though?

@Twixandtwirl because the OP says it was a woman.

@Twixandtwirl because we read the OP

Just get over it OP, they wasn't traumatised as you said they were babbling away and not crying, you saw the mum go back to them so they are safe. I honestly don't even know why you're still thinking about it.

The kids were fine. The windows were down they were happy and there were loads of adults watching from a safe distance . They could have shouted if they needed anything

Incidentally I often leave my teenager watching her 8 year old brother in the car in an unlocked car but when I come out I still accidentally hit the key fob button to “unlock it” : force of habit. I can’t actually lock it as the alarm goes off with all their head banging to music lol
You don’t know if they were really locked in or not

You should think of it as a case of adults keeping an eye on a mums kids for her while she got her shopping... you know community raise a child and all that

Not your current angle of curtain twitcher tell a tale on neighbours

Let’s just help each other out

YABU

10 is a perfectly fine age to wait in the car with a younger sibling. Also, preferable at the moment!

I wouldn't leave the windows half down for safety reasons but I would leave a 9/10 year old with a toddler in the car for a quick shop at the moment.

Damned if you, damned if you don't....

Ok well I have an 8 yr old who would be utterly brilliant left with a toddler for half an hour (& a 12 yr old who could marshal 3 under 5s no bother ) & he would happily have our family mobile to call my mobile if he needed to.

For all you know the mother notified one of the store staff/the kid knows one of them well etc etc

I’m always grateful that people look out for others but this really doesn’t sound like an issue to me at all (& yes to the 80s parenting comments - 3 hours in a car with your siblings & being overjoyed if your parents remembered you enough to bring a packet of crisps )

Another here who just cant see the problem
should she...
leave them home alone?
Take them into the shop to be reprimanded by everyone and increase infection risk?
or leave them safely, locked in the car, with windows letting in air, with a responsible older child who will probably be secondary school age next year and probably had a 'phone with her?
Wind your neck in.

OP, you saw before you even got into the supermarket that the mother had got back to the car? You said yourself that they weren't distressed? So what is the problem? They are ok. They are fine.

Mum got the food in, and judged it safer to leave them in the car (she's the best judge of her own children's competence - most mums I know are over protective, including me!) They're OK. Relax. No you shouldn't have called the police. They were never in any danger.

I would leave a 10yr old supervising a toddler rather than bring them inside.

Also, my 11yo is small enough that she is still in a booster. She doesn’t have that round baby face anymore, but most 7 and 8 year olds are much taller than she is. We occasionally have people ask if she should really be doing something because they massively misjudge her age.

where have you got that assumption from?
I've only defended myself against being called a liar, having trauma belittled and clarified something in the OP that was causing mislead responses.

Because until I posted, you had said absolutely nothing that indicated you had realised that (nearly) everyone but you thought it was fine? Instead you “clarified” the details to a point where you hoped people might start agreeing with you and decided to drop in that you were traumatised by the same experience.

I'm not sure what single mums are expected to do tbh, can't take them in, in some areas and during this scary time maybe she thought it safer to leave them in car. Not ideal but windows open etc not sure what you expected her to do and kids were okay. Amazing how you automatically assumed this was was a mother straight of the bat but not a father.....

I feel like I spent half my (80s) childhood being left in the car - it doesn’t seem like an odd thing to do at all, once children are sensible enough to be left (which it sounds like this mother had determined already that hers are). The children in the OP weren’t distressed, the car windows were open, it was broad daylight in a public place - not sure what the big deal is really.

Where is this perception coming from that single parents can’t take children into shops?

I have a 6 (nearly 7) year old. I take him shopping with me as I can’t leave him alone. I would never leave him alone in the car at this age, and definitely not if he were younger. I often see other lone parents shopping with a child. Store staff are always kind and speak to my son. They understand it’s a strange experience at the moment with the queuing and people wearing masks. Other shoppers aren’t bothered. I make sure to keep him close and observing a 2m distance - something that hardly anyone else is doing in the supermarket at the moment.

I don’t think you should have called the police but YANBU for thinking this wasn’t right.

Many shops aren’t allowing children in. If you can’t get a delivery and don’t have anyone to watch the kids, what on earth was she meant to do?

It’s fair enough to be a bit concerned but they were absolutely fine and no way should it be a police matter.

The shop IS allowing kids in with parents and there were plenty of kids in the que and in the shop with parents (all who were not being verbally abused)

There's no way I'd take my kids into the shop at the moment. Safer and easier for everyone including themselves if they stay in the car. Single parents are damned if they do and damned if they don't really aren't they. I'm sure the parent was able to risk assess the situation without your input though.
Wonder if that was my kids you saw..
.😉

I leave my 10 year old, 9 year old and 2 year old in car while I shop (only quick shops, not full blown shopping) I can’t take all 3 of them in there in the current climate....

There is nothing wrong with that. The 10 year old is old enough to call mum if needed and it's safer then taking them in. What exactly do you expect people who have no choice to do? Mind your own business and calm down, drama queen!

I think I probably need to take a break from MN.
Because busy body OP and her '10 year old, oh no let's change it 7 year old for some sympathy because the thread isn't going my way', really hacks me off.

May be in an issue in normal times, but these ain't normal times.

And as for the comparison with a dog, how ridiculous. Dogs can't get out of a car, or use a mobile phone, and small children aren't covered in fur that would increase their risk of overheating in a warm car.

Sorry OP, each time I read your description I keep seeing Manuel...

Oops x-post Bertucci !