To have told my SIL to fuck off?

[Ablemaybel]

A little background.
There was a major falling out between myself, DH with his parents and two sisters some years back. It happened after our DD was involved in a road accident. We are still in touch with DHs brother and his uncle on mums side.
After several months DH resumed contact with them, and visited regularly taking both of our 2 DC.
I was never invited back, (both SI live with their parents, one being divorced, the other never moving out) which has never really bothered me. They both said some really nasty things to me, and about me at the time.

Fast forward years and I'm still answering our land line to hear either one of my SILs say is DH there? I have repeatedly asked DH to ask them to call him on his mobile, and after what seemed forever he told me he had told them. We've had no contact for years, there was never any apology, and I was just fed up being their switch board.
A few days later they called the home phone again, before handing him the phone, I asked him again if from now on could they please call his mobile.
A few days later I pick up to, is DH there?
I was really fed up and without much thought answered oh fuck off, and hung up.

DH thinks I behaved unreasonably, and I think most of you may also think that. I'm just interested to see what people unrelated to this think.

My Exes Ex wife used to phone the landline regularly when we lived together. So YADNBU

She was told to stop. Everyone had mobiles. She did it early morning when we were in bed as she knew the landline is next to our bed! Of course Ex had words but she never did anything, and eventually we unplugged the phone.

So there was an accident. (they didn't deliberately throw your child under a car. ) It was a mistake. An accident your husband still speaks to them so it seems as if it's just you
Yes you were unreasonable and controlling. If my husband told me my family couldn't call my house phone 🙄. ...

I’d have a hard time getting over that ‘accident’ tbh. My in laws don’t supervise my child closely and I’m worried something might happen. Especially if there was trouble beforehand.

OP you are inspiring ! 😂😂 that's ace , love it x

I too agree with @saraclara

And for the poster who says this

OP you haven't answered the many questions about why you answer these calls? Why haven't you blocked them? Do you not have caller ID?

It’s DH’smfucking landline too - not for OP to indulge in such controlling behaviour . Red flag behaviour.

As because I liked the picture so much the first time, here it is a second time

Timetospare I do not blame DH Family for the accident, I never have. It was a cousin who let DD go. It's what happened after the accident, once DD was discharged from hospital that caused the argument. We wasn't in the UK, and left early to come home. A week after returning home DD took a turn for the worse and was back in hospital with delayed concussion.
We were in touch with DH brother and uncle, so his parents and sisters were told DD was in hospital. They never enquired after DD, so NotStayingIn I'm sure they weren't delighted, but they certainly were not worried/interested in DD injuries/recovery.
Saraclara It wasnt until after the accident that I found out how much my SILs and MIL disliked me. I'd had an idea I wasn't very much liked, but the things they said, with MIL there left me in no doubt.
It wasn't just my decision to go non contact, I believe that's what they'd wanted for a while, MIL included.
DH was NC for several months after the holiday. He still thinks the way they behaved was wrong, and their treatment of me was also wrong, but they wanted him back in the family, without me.
We don't have caller ID, but from now on I'll let the answer machine pick up when DH isn't around. So simple, never thought of it though!

It sounds like they were responsible for what happened and didn’t like being held to account. As there was already bad blood, I can imagine it got pretty heated and can understand why that would have been the end of the relationship for you. Under these circumstances, they should leave you alone. You have made your position clear.

Cross post. Ok different scenario.

It’s a dig at you then. It might be good you were so blunt, they will back off I imagine.

Olive branches do not start with "is X there?"
They start with "Hi Abel, how are you?"

Don't think any of that has been going on and I think some of you seriously underestimate the maliciousness of some people as well - it's perfectly possible they were doing it to wind the OP up. Petty nastiness as an ongoing annoyance.

Some of you must live in glass bubbles were everyone is just so naice to each other or something.

I think you need to grow up a bit and let it go.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad totally agree. Petty nastiness is insidious and bullying. It’s horrible because you can feel it but feel silly reacting, which is just what it is set up to do.

My horrible SIL spoke to my child only last time I saw her, I definitely felt the snub. Totally ignored me even though I had the child’s hand. It was deliberately done and I wish I’d walked away and told her off too!

I'm amazed you're still with your dh quite frankly. He has zero loyalty to you. I'd be telling him to fuck off as well.

Yeah I’ve read everything and still think you’re in the wrong to ban his family from calling him on the landline at home.
If even after twenty years you can’t just say, ‘hold on’, and pass the phone to him, I’d say you’re equally as involved in the continued animosity, if not championing it.

His family can call him on the landline if they like. If you’re really that bothered about having a minimal exchange to pass the call over then you can refuse to answer it. If you must.

I’ll say yanbu but sounds like there is a lot more context here that we don’t know eg the reasons behind the falling out. Also sounds like you may give as good as you get with the ongoing feud with them so I’m not sure tbh could be 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other !

@thelocalwoolieshasnotp and what about loyalty to the people that brought him up or grew up with? can you imagine the responses if the roles were reversed 'i don't want my wife's family to call our landline and told her sister to fuck off when she did. aibu?'

I am not sure why after all this time, when they have rung why you have just not asked them to call his mobile instead in future? You have just given them more evidence to think of you unkindly.

The basic problem is you hate them and they hate you. Fair enough, we can't all like our in-laws.

I personally wouldn't let it get to me to the point of objecting to calls on the landline although I can understand if you don't hear from them, they are out of mind.

Answerphone or caller ID is the answer.

I must say I don't understand why the poster on MN (only if a woman) is taken to be some wonderful reasonable human being and the MILS and SILS of this world, are harpies.

@myangelalex I feel that sadly in these conflicts it is the children that are the biggest victims and the spouse that is stuck inbetween. I seen it in my own family and the biggest tragedy is that a close relationship between cousins/aunts/grandparents was made difficult etc

@lovepickledlimes. Totally agree. Sometimes the adults involved behave more like the children, and the real children miss out in forming good relationships with their cousins, aunts etc.

I’m extremely reluctant to condemn people because we never know what is going on behind the scenes. Perhaps OPs in laws were having financial, marital or health worries of their own at the time of the DDs accident? We just never know what’s happening behind the scenes.

However, some people are just plain nasty and however much you try, you can’t get in with them. Sometimes there are faults on both sides. No one knows!

@myangelalex also it did seem they were in communication with some family members. Like if my niece was ill and in hospital I would assume my cousin know that by me asking fiancé has also asked as I would fully inform him so maybe that is why no questions to how dd was doing

He still thinks the way they behaved was wrong, and their treatment of me was also wrong, but they wanted him back in the family, without me.

Anyone saying it was OP just as much in the wrong, that she’s being petty, hasn’t read the above. Who treats their families wife like crap especially after her daughter was in a serious accident? Who Ganga together here? The OP? Or the in laws?

To be honest as soon as I hear that a SIL and a MIL have both suddenly decided to hate a mans wife, it is clear bullying and clan mentality.

@StayinginSummer Of course but there could have been bad behaviour on both sides.

Also we don't know if they might have had their reasons too inregards to how they feel about OP. I can certainly see in my own family that a dislike for a spouse is at times validated.

Didn't sleep very well last night. I think talking about the accident brought it back. Every time I closed my eyes I saw DD who was only 2 at the time being knocked into the air and landing on the opposite grass verge.
For the people who asked where I was, DH was taking a group photo. I was holding DS 3.
A cousin put DD down, who then ran across the lane to where DH was standing.
It all happened in seconds, but seemed to play out in slow motion.
As we were in a rural location, rather than wait for an ambulance, as DH was in no state to drive, the person driving the car that hit DD took us to the closest hospital 25 miles away.
DD was unconscious, it was very traumatic, and still clear in my mind as though it happened yesterday.
I dont think you ever forget something like that, we were so lucky not to lose her.

As for SILs and MIL, I realise now they never really accepted me. I was never made to feel welcome.
DH and my relationship have been better since I've not seen them.
It's clear they don't want me in their lives, and I feel the same about them, and really couldn't care less what they think of what i said on the phone.

So it was the cousin who let go of DD and not SIL or MIL?