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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my SIL to fuck off?

283 replies

Ablemaybel · 24/04/2020 16:10

A little background.
There was a major falling out between myself, DH with his parents and two sisters some years back. It happened after our DD was involved in a road accident. We are still in touch with DHs brother and his uncle on mums side.
After several months DH resumed contact with them, and visited regularly taking both of our 2 DC.
I was never invited back, (both SI live with their parents, one being divorced, the other never moving out) which has never really bothered me. They both said some really nasty things to me, and about me at the time.

Fast forward years and I'm still answering our land line to hear either one of my SILs say is DH there? I have repeatedly asked DH to ask them to call him on his mobile, and after what seemed forever he told me he had told them. We've had no contact for years, there was never any apology, and I was just fed up being their switch board.
A few days later they called the home phone again, before handing him the phone, I asked him again if from now on could they please call his mobile.
A few days later I pick up to, is DH there?
I was really fed up and without much thought answered oh fuck off, and hung up.

DH thinks I behaved unreasonably, and I think most of you may also think that. I'm just interested to see what people unrelated to this think.

OP posts:
skyblu · 25/04/2020 17:29

I’m not sure why you can’t just say,
“I’ll give you DH’s mobile just you be sure you’ve got it correctly, and then you can call him directly on there going forward. It’s xxxxx xxxxxx”

Next time they call.....”yes, he’s here and available on his mobile, thanks, bye”
Repeat as necessary.

Job done.

Aridane · 25/04/2020 17:32

Because it’s 20 years embedded bitterness - entrenched behaviours (both sides) are difficult to overcome

Zeezee82 · 25/04/2020 17:37

YABU. It’s 2 seconds of your time and makes someone you love feel better. It doesn’t put you out any more than anyone else calling.
Also why would you want to make him feel like he can’t speak to his family? You may have fallen out and as he hasn’t left you I’d guess he took your side. Consider that enough and stop making him choose. He has a life with you but he will have many happy memories from his childhood with them.

goshalmighty · 25/04/2020 17:50

Aah ! It’s quite sweet really, without you they would probably never ring him🤣!
I would ring them up and ask to speak to someone who isn’t there, or someone who is, but pop the phone down before they come to the phone 😉

MummyofTw0 · 25/04/2020 17:53

I completely understand why you are NC but telling them to FO as just given them fuel and relit a fire

You would have been far better when they call to just day no hes not here but you could phone his mobile x

FaveNumberIs2 · 25/04/2020 17:59

Unplug the land line.

Or just don’t friggin answer it. Let it ring until he answers it.

Bbang · 25/04/2020 18:00

God I wish I could tell my SIL and my BIL for that matter to fuck off. Good for you OP Grin

Mmpip · 25/04/2020 18:33

I would have told them to FO much earlier....AND your DH should be supporting you not criticising you.....!!!!

lovepickledlimes · 25/04/2020 18:39

@Mmpip we have no clue if DH should or should not be supporting her as we don't know what exactly this treatment consisted of, how OP acted during all this. All we know she tried to ban DH's family from calling him on the landline that is his as much as her's

pictish · 25/04/2020 18:45

Agreed. We have no idea why this ill feeling has endured for 20 years.

Minxmumma · 25/04/2020 19:15

I believe Helen Mirren said the she wished she had used that phrase considerably more!

Well put. Although I would have an issue with your DH actions in this. Surely he should make it clear you are a family unit, the accept you all or none

lovepickledlimes · 25/04/2020 19:20

@Minxmumma it seldomly helps relationships but I guess it is each to their own etc. The DH's position is hard to judge as there is little to no information to what happened after the accident to make the OP act the way she does

GreatBigOnion61 · 25/04/2020 19:24

No. They sound bloody awful. I think you’re a saint as i’d have done that first time!!!

lovepickledlimes · 25/04/2020 19:26

@GreatBigOnion61we heard one side and not a lot from that one side about what actually happened after the accident

Iamhappyasiam · 25/04/2020 19:35

It's his phone too and thats his family. My DH can't stand my family but I am within my right to speak to them if I want to. Screen your calls or simply don't answer the landline. No need to be rude to anyone. With that attitude I see why you don't get along. Are you trying to cut him off from his family?

ToftyAC · 25/04/2020 19:36

Nice one. I doff my cap.

lovepickledlimes · 25/04/2020 19:37

@Iamhappyasiam would not be surprised if that was the case. OP never outright stopped him but it is easy enough to make the family relationship difficult enough to limit the contact there is

Insanelysilver · 25/04/2020 19:40

You held off saying it way longer than I would have done lol!
Fecking cheek her calling you and just asking to speak to your DH

lovepickledlimes · 25/04/2020 19:42

@Insanelysilver it's his landline too. Why should only OP approved friends and family be allowed to call

MermaidinJeans · 25/04/2020 19:46

If he'd listened to you and respected you this shouldn't have happened. It's not like you didn't ask him multiple times to tell them to phone his mobile. You've not asked him to not talk to them you've just reasonably requested they phone him direct.

Good on you.

Downton57 · 25/04/2020 19:47

It's his landline as much as her's. Honestly if the DH was behaving like this to his wife's relations, would you be saying the same stuff? I'd be absolutely furious if my mum and sister were told they couldn't call me on the landline. As for 'loyalty' , would you really go NC with family members you love dearly because your spouse had decided to fall out with them, 20 years ago? It is vey unclear why the DD's accident resulted in all these nasty things being said, but I do get the impression there are two sides to this story and we are only hearing one.

TigerQueenie · 25/04/2020 19:47

They're not really doing anything wrong by calling your land-line though, they're calling to speak to somebody who lives in the house.

Do you not have caller ID? Can you not just let calls go to answering machine to screen them if not?

lovepickledlimes · 25/04/2020 19:56

@Downton57 exactly all we know some things were said. This could range from anything on the lines of 'gosh I had no idea yous guys were that upset that we did not call, you talked to bob who of course told me everything so I would have known if something happened. X is really being a bit dramatic.' to 'omg x is such a bitch it was an accident and needs to get over heself'. The first one thoug not kind or understanding would not be something to hold a grudge for etc

honeylou42 · 25/04/2020 20:00

Glad it's not just me, my SIL has always been snide to me and I can't stand her yet DL thinks the sun shines out of her arse.

Petlover9 · 25/04/2020 20:10

@Shamoo - Totally agree with you. OP, IF she dares to call again just put the phone down. A few years ago I was inundated with scam calls and bought a Call Guardian land line phone. On those you can BLOCK numbers. If DH is not Into tech stuff, your landline handset might need replacing!!? (Or it could become broken - right) and you could get a call blocker phone - just saying. Some rellies should be shot at dawn