To have told my SIL to fuck off?

[Ablemaybel]

A little background.
There was a major falling out between myself, DH with his parents and two sisters some years back. It happened after our DD was involved in a road accident. We are still in touch with DHs brother and his uncle on mums side.
After several months DH resumed contact with them, and visited regularly taking both of our 2 DC.
I was never invited back, (both SI live with their parents, one being divorced, the other never moving out) which has never really bothered me. They both said some really nasty things to me, and about me at the time.

Fast forward years and I'm still answering our land line to hear either one of my SILs say is DH there? I have repeatedly asked DH to ask them to call him on his mobile, and after what seemed forever he told me he had told them. We've had no contact for years, there was never any apology, and I was just fed up being their switch board.
A few days later they called the home phone again, before handing him the phone, I asked him again if from now on could they please call his mobile.
A few days later I pick up to, is DH there?
I was really fed up and without much thought answered oh fuck off, and hung up.

DH thinks I behaved unreasonably, and I think most of you may also think that. I'm just interested to see what people unrelated to this think.

Good on you op 😂

Who answers their landline?... stop answering it. That way they have to ring your DH mobile. Anyone else will leave a message or try your mobile. Block them on caller ID is a good idea too. Disclaimer: IHNRTFT.

Yes you were very rude, you took the bait and lost the high ground.

Are you even sure your H has asked her not to ring the landline. The secret to not giving a fuck is not giving a fuck.

Good for you! They’re obviously being disrespectful and trying to wind you up. My SIL and her DH live in Australia and that’s not far enough away tbh.

Why would people not answer their landline?? What’s the big deal?

@MadameBoulaye Someone tried to reach their brother on his landline. His DW told her to 'fuck off' but she is the disrespectful one? could you imagine a post saying 'i tried to call db on his landline and his wife told me to fuck off.'

YANBU! I've also told my SIL And MIL to fuck off. They're cruel, nasty, lie, gaslight, interfere, judgmental, willfully ignorant, nasty bunch.

Tell your DH to fuck off as well if he continues gaslighting.

@judemom Trying to find any part in OPs posts that would indicate they gaslight, have lied, were judgmental or anything of the things you described. All we got is a vague statement that some things were said that made OP feel they did not like her. We don't know what was actually said nor do we know OPs behaviour in all this other then telling his sister to fuck off

I don't think YABU OP. Hugs to you for feeling upset by your own reaction. I think they phone the landline to goad you. You got to the point you felt like saying FO. Good. Don't feel bad. And if DH is in a mood over your actions say it to him too. I agree with Helen Mirren.

@lovepickledlimes

I understand that. I was only stating that I've also done so for my own reasons.

OP's SIL is obviously trying to wind her up, it's not OP's job to take the high ground all the time. It's quite frankly exhausting trying to ignore their blatant disrespect for her calling her landline instead of DH's mobile isn't it.

Enough is enough.

Well done OP!

I'm also a SIL to brothers wife. If we were not on good terms, I certainly would respect their home and only call brothers mobile.

How uncomfortable for me to continuously call the landline asking immediately for my brother. I wouldn't do it. Out of respect for my own brother, his marriage, regardless of how things were between me and SIL.

I do not think OP was unreadable, I can fathom the continuous phone calls for her husband has been grating on her for a while.

@judemom There is a fair bit of protecting going on. Also she might have tried his mobile and he did not answer so thought 'fine I will try his landline'

Because it’s extremely rude of them to call a land line and just ask to speak to their brother without at least exchanging a few pleasantries with OP.
I also wonder they’re using the landline deliberately as a finger up as otherwise surely they’d text or call his mobile.

It depends why you tell out in the first place. Maybe it was you in the wrong to begin with , how can we tell?

Your DH needs lessons in loyalty.

Answer it
Wait for the question
Put the phone in a drawer
Close it
Let her wait
Eventually she will get the message

It's a deliberate intrusion into the OP's no contact with them.

It would be the same if they rocked up at the door, knocked on it and said "is DH there?" with no acknowledgement of the OP other than the maid who answers the door.

It's RUDE, antagonistic and deliberate.

All you people saying "it's a couple of seconds" - how the fuck do you know? The DH could be down the garden, other end of the house, the OP then has to go and find him - all of which could be avoided if they'd only ring the fucking mobile in the first place.

Sorry OP, but the only way you are being unreasonable (at the bottom of page 2) is by not telling your DH to FO too!

@ThumbWitchesAbroad How do you know they did not try ring the mobile first? maybe they did but he did not pick up

@MayDayFightsBack we have no idea if op deserves him to be loyal over the people that brought him up and siblings he grew up with as we have no idea of what her behaviour was like towards him or his family other then her telling his sister to fuck off and banning them from calling him on his landline

You understand that mobiles have both answer services and text service, yes? That would be the next option, not phoning the landline.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad it's not that uncommon to try the landline if they were not available on the mobile. I would think 'oh maybe the mobile phone broke or it is out of charge. maybe there is reception issues they don't know about. Oh db has landline I will try there'

It is still your DH's family, so you are being quite rude and controlling, who bloody cares if SIL calls? Stop being so immature. Really

It very clearly shows on this thread those who have no experience of having toxic family members.

@differentnameforthis you seem to assume op is innocent in all this?