To have told my SIL to fuck off?

[Ablemaybel]

A little background.
There was a major falling out between myself, DH with his parents and two sisters some years back. It happened after our DD was involved in a road accident. We are still in touch with DHs brother and his uncle on mums side.
After several months DH resumed contact with them, and visited regularly taking both of our 2 DC.
I was never invited back, (both SI live with their parents, one being divorced, the other never moving out) which has never really bothered me. They both said some really nasty things to me, and about me at the time.

Fast forward years and I'm still answering our land line to hear either one of my SILs say is DH there? I have repeatedly asked DH to ask them to call him on his mobile, and after what seemed forever he told me he had told them. We've had no contact for years, there was never any apology, and I was just fed up being their switch board.
A few days later they called the home phone again, before handing him the phone, I asked him again if from now on could they please call his mobile.
A few days later I pick up to, is DH there?
I was really fed up and without much thought answered oh fuck off, and hung up.

DH thinks I behaved unreasonably, and I think most of you may also think that. I'm just interested to see what people unrelated to this think.

So you still blame them, 20 or so years on for an accident? Where were you when they ran out?

Is it possible that they're hoping you'll forgive them? They might have said nasty things at the time of the accident, but you were obviously very angry at the time (and have clearly held on to that anger) and I expect you said some very nasty things too. This situation must be horrendous for your DH.

@Timetospare The impression I get is it is more what happened after the accident that causes this conflict

I do agree though could they possibly be trying to extend an olive branch? or has their attitude towards you not changed?

@Downton57 I agree must be terrible for her husband and his family.

Unless his family were absolutely delighted your DC was in a horrific accident I don’t really get why you are still holding a grudge all these years later.

saraclara I don't have a sister, but if I did and she'd treated DH the way I was treated, I couldn't blame him. I doubt she'd be calling me anyway as we'd be NC.

@Ablemaybel I think the issue is without knowing more details it is hard to say if you are being unreasonable or not etc

When I get unsolicited cold callers I tell them I will go and get someone to talk to them and put the phone down on the table and then listen to them on on the other end of the phone getting confused! Purple but fun..., you could try that approach.

Feel sorry for the DH, not sure how I would react if DP decided who can and cannot call me on the landline. My DB took his wife side in a family row, when he split up with his wife he was left with no one for a few years as he was too embarrassed to get back in touch.

and after what had happened I wanted nothing more to do with them. It seemed the best option for me to be NC.

It seems like you were the one who made the decision not to see or speak to them after this incident. Which isn't quite how you painted it in the OP.
So 20 years ago a traumatic thing happened and you all fell out. That's not unusual at a time of stress and possibly understandable.But you say you've accepted that your DH needed to have contact with his family.
Yet after ALL this time - two decades, you feel the need to tell his sister to fuck off, simply because she called your landline (and who doesn't have caller ID these days?)

I think there's more to this story that you're telling, and you have no right to dictate who calls a landline owned by you both. Your husband was right to call you on what you did. You need to let this thing go. It sounds like it's crippled your life for far too long. Maybe get some counselling?

I don't see the problem in passing the phone to your DH, OP - you don't speak to your SILs so they are not going to have a chat with you when you answer, what else can they do but ask for their brother?!

Why did you all fall out? You've said your DD got knocked over, but not how this led to the fall out.
Personally, you had a choice to not answer the landline, but still did. Telling your DH to tell his family to call his mobile is a bit childish, and actually quite controlling. And telling someone, anyone to fuck off down a phone line is just plain awful.

I'm assuming that your DH has forgiven his family for whatever it was you can't forgive them for. That's quite natural I think. I'm more forgiving of my DB, who's a bit of an idiot, than my DH is. We just agree to differ. My DH is always civil with him though.

Once again, until we know exactly why you all fell out it's hard to really know if you are BU or not.

Do posters not get free calls on there landline to landline?

I use the landline to call family because its free.

Some of my family use their mobiles to ring me because they get free minutes.

Its fairly simple.

As many have said get caller id and don't answer the phone if its from them.

@fluffybutter same, I’m so suspicious when it rings!

Just dont answer it. Or block her number :) We never answer ours! YABU to tell her to fuck off though.

@Cherrysoup it used to be if your mobile rang in the night it scared you , now it’s the house phone any time of day !

They are doing it to wind you up - tell him to fuck off as well, he should support your wish. block their number on the landline (and his mobile too HeHEH)

@Toomuchtrouble4me oh come on that is completely childish

I have no idea why people assume that the SIL is doing this to wind the OP up. This thing happened 20 years ago. I think it's far more likely that SIL just doesn't sit brewing about it any more, for some reason couldn't get through to him on the mobile, and so tried the landline because she just isn't too worried about the 50% chance that she might have to briefly speak to OP.

But that's far too boring and normal an explanation for the folks who see this site as a soap opera.

I don’t get why they’d ring the landline if not to antagonise you.

@saraclara I do agree it's most likely not a windup and OP does always have the choice to just not answer or look at the caller ID and tell DH that SIL called or let her leave a message on the machine. Most phones have caller ID now so why OP picked up if she saw the number or name I don't get

Meh, probably not the best answer. But cannot say I wouldn't have done this had the issue gone on years tbh.

@Idontwantthis maybe they tried his mobile but no one answered. If I can't reach someone I will usually then try any other number they have. It's his landline too

@fluffybutter we have screening so I can avoid my dm when she’s drunk. Generally, tho, it’s my internet provider wanting me to upgrade.