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AIBU?

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Original poster

Brother refusing to get a job that is beneath him

300 replies

GettingFatterByTheDay · 21/04/2020 13:31

My brother is just about to finish uni and is due to move back home. He does not have a job and has outright admitted that he has no intentions of getting one unless it’s in the field he studied for. He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker. Because of this my dad is reluctant to let him come home as he has just taken a massive pay cut and may lose his own job. My mum is working extra hours in a job she doesn’t particularly love either to keep them afloat. Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation but his attitude stinks. He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on. AIBU to agree with my dad here? Times are hard for everyone right now, I doubt many people are living the life of Riley at the minute!! Either he gets a job, any job or should live elsewhere surely?

OP posts:
wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 21/04/2020 13:34

I agree with you and your dad.

My former husband would never take a job that was beneath him. He hasn't worked since 2008, the lazy arse.

maybemu · 21/04/2020 13:35

YANBU - if he has come out and said he would rather be on the streets let him. He is happy to let other people suffer to please himself. I agree with your dad. I feel like he might be saying this because he knows he can make your mum feel guilty and she will give in.

UnfinishedSymphon · 21/04/2020 13:36

Well he's probably going to struggle to get a job in his field at the moment anyway isn't he? What does he plan to do until then?

Hingeandbracket · 21/04/2020 13:36

He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker.
Why the fuck does he think he could get a job as a shelf stacker?

VeryQuaintIrene · 21/04/2020 13:36

Out of idle curiosity, what job does he think would suit his no-doubt Einsteinian level of brilliance? (Agree 100% with you and your dad.)

Hingeandbracket · 21/04/2020 13:37

Well he's probably going to struggle to get a job in his field at the moment anyway isn't he?
Depends - if it's medical he'll probably be busy :)

Sandsnake · 21/04/2020 13:37

He needs to get over himself and work. There are no jobs that are ‘beneath him’. I have a decent degree but was happy to do whatever during holidays / shortly after graduating. I did all sorts, learned new skills and met people I wouldn’t have done otherwise. It was valuable experience.

MulticolourMophead · 21/04/2020 13:39

Your brother needs to pull his head from his arse and grow the fuck up.

He goes and gets a shelf stacking job while looking for a better one. Employers do take this sort of thing into account, and seeing a gap on the CV does get questioned. Taking that shelf stacking job will count towards being seen to be proactive and to demonstrate a good work ethic. If it looks like he's sat on his arse waiting for that job to fall into his lap, potential employers will wonder if he'll be any good at the job.

And it's not a good market now to be sat around waiting for just the right job. There are going to be loads of people looking for new jobs when lockdown eases, and if your brother wants to stand out, then sitting on his backside isn't going to help.

You can quote me to him, if you like Grin When I was hiring people, this is the sort of thing I looked at, among others. It's a pointer to how people behave.

tabulahrasa · 21/04/2020 13:40

“He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” “

Well that’s his choice... so let him...

LouiseTrees · 21/04/2020 13:40

I think he is being unreasonable ( your brother). My husband ( then boyfriend) lost his job during the last recession and went to go work at GAME to keep money coming in, at that time we didn’t have a house or anything so it was more so we could continue saving. He’s an accountant, so in no way was that related. My brother also graduated (computer science) during the last recession and worked as an unpaid charity volunteer ( because no one would hire him to start with) and the coop in order to keep money coming in for my mum. I bet you your brother doesn’t have any part time work experience either from a Saturday job or whatever. Regardless of what field he graduated from then if it’s a professional one employers will take a dim view of someone that doesn’t use this time to better themselves or society.

LouiseTrees · 21/04/2020 13:42

@GettingFatterByTheDay read my previous reply but out of interest what is his degree in?

PatchworkElmer · 21/04/2020 13:42

My brother’s like this. He’s developed considerable MH issues over the last few years, and I’m sure that it’s not helped by the lack of structure that a job brings. He’s finally been working full time recently, and is much better for it

Pinkblueberry · 21/04/2020 13:42

You’re brother is being ridiculous and his attitude is terrible. Lots of students go back to those kind of jobs for a while, I know very few people who just walked straight into something that was ‘their field of study’. Besides, what if months go by and he doesn’t find this dream job and doesn’t work for all that time it will look terrible on his CV - he can definitely kiss those jobs goodbye then. You and your dad are absolutely right. It’s weird how going back home to scrounge off his parents isn’t ‘beneath him’ - because it’s beneath most people.

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/04/2020 13:43

“He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” ”
I’m sure the Job Centre would be happy to oblige him through benefits sanctions. Being young, male and childless he will end up sleeping on the streets.

AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff · 21/04/2020 13:43

If I’d have pulled this stunt in my younger years I’d have been out on my arse pronto.

multimop has said it perfectly. Sitting on your humps would not scream good work ethic to me.

He needs to have a good word with himself.

OneandTwenty · 21/04/2020 13:44

Someone with experience in the relevant field will be a lot more interesting for employers (internship, work experience and so on).

Someone temping and doing jobs, even very vaguely related, will be slightly less interesting.

Someone working to pay the bill will be less interesting but can compensate with drive, attitude and knowledge - about the company, about the role if they manage to get an interview.

Someone who does bugger all and has a massive hole on their cv will interest no one.

He's an idiot.

merryhouse · 21/04/2020 13:45

To be fair, it's pretty difficult to concentrate on getting a "career"-type job if you're spending all your time working to earn money. When I was an underemployed graduate in the 90s people used to say "looking for a job is a full-time job" (didn't stop them expecting me to earn money though...).

Could your parents agree with your brother that he spends 3-6 months signing on (and paying them board) and really concentrating hard on looking for a job in his field; then if he's still unemployed spend 3-6 months really concentrating hard on obtaining some sort of graduate job; then attempt to get work of any kind.

If it's like it was when I was using it, the Employment Service may well back them up on this Grin

The important point to make is that his keep costs both money and effort and he can't just sit about gaming and trotting off to the pub spending all his income and ignoring the housework.

BuffaloCauliflower · 21/04/2020 13:46

What job does he want?

PrinnyPree · 21/04/2020 13:47

I got any old jobs straight out of uni whilst I was applying for my "career" job, just joined a temping agency and did receptionist/admin/food prep basically anything going until I got my break as an intern at my dream company. Did your brother ever do jobs that were "beneath him" in summer or on weekends whilst at uni? I didn't even think twice about going straight out to work (never considered it beneath me either) I wanted to get as much cash together as possible so I didn't end up festering at my Mums.

He's daft if he thinks most white collar jobs will be hiring right now either.

Toomboom · 21/04/2020 13:48

Your brother has a disgusting attitude and needs a good kick up the backside!
So he would rather sponge of the state than work in something "below" him? If he signs on he will have no choice but to take any job that is going or he will lose any benefits.
If he decides signing on is also below him, then yes, there is no way he should move back home.

Does he also realise that these jobs he considers below him are actually key workers jobs at the moment -- the very people helping to keep this country running. He needs to get over himself.

GigiLamour · 21/04/2020 13:49

Well, applying for skilled jobs can be hard work. I remember how hard it was doing full-time unskilled work while filling in massive application forms, researching positions, going to interviews and trying to educate myself into being a good candidate. If you have the option of taking some time out to do all that, and you genuinely work hard at it and have a realistic plan, then I wouldn't necessarily argue with it.

But on the other hand there are people like my SIL, who has the same attitude as your brother. She's nearly 50 and lives with (and off) her mum. It's been many years since any job was good enough for her to do. In fact it's been years since any job was good enough for her to apply for.

LittleLittleLittle · 21/04/2020 13:50

YANBU

Your brother doesn't realise that the more people he knows the more likely be is to get a job in the field be wants as most jobs are gained through contacts.

In addition due to his age and working in such a job random older people will want to help him.

cooliebrown · 21/04/2020 13:52

how much have your parents paid out for your brother to get his degree I wonder

Likefootball · 21/04/2020 13:53

If he has the chance of a job as a shelf stacker he should jump at it !
It is far better to be working as a shelf stacker than to be unemployed.
If you are out of work it is no
fun and you are not,say, an unemployed scientist you are just unemployed.
Also if you are out of work for any length of time it is a disadvantage as your lack of recent work experience of any kind discourages potential employers.

LittleLittleLittle · 21/04/2020 13:53

@GigiLamour no one is saying he has to work full-time.

One of nephews use to work random night hours in a supermarket while applying for permanent jobs. The funny thing is his parents could more than support him but he decided to work through uni as well.

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