Brother refusing to get a job that is beneath him

[GettingFatterByTheDay]

My brother is just about to finish uni and is due to move back home. He does not have a job and has outright admitted that he has no intentions of getting one unless it’s in the field he studied for. He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker. Because of this my dad is reluctant to let him come home as he has just taken a massive pay cut and may lose his own job. My mum is working extra hours in a job she doesn’t particularly love either to keep them afloat. Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation but his attitude stinks. He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on. AIBU to agree with my dad here? Times are hard for everyone right now, I doubt many people are living the life of Riley at the minute!! Either he gets a job, any job or should live elsewhere surely?

What an awful attitude he has. Happy to watch his parents go to work in jobs they don't love but unwilling to do the same.

I'd be ashamed if he were my son.

Working in a bar taught me how to manage stressful situations (drunks fighting etc) and get on with everyone, leafleting taught me how to smile and get on with it. God, so many shit jobs but they all taught me something!

Of course he can move wherever he likes . We have no idea whether he can afford a deposit on a furnished room somewhere. Who knows? Anyway my point is that he is a grown up and can make his own career decisions. I worked after uni but did temp admin work. I didn’t consider applying for any nmw jobs.

Getting a job in lockdown is tricky and maybe only supermarkets are hiring, but depending on when his parents start charging rent he may have the opportunity to find something better paid.

My former husband would never take a job that was beneath him. He hasn't worked since 2008, the lazy arse

Ha exact same as my Ex

My brother is like this. He's not far away from 30 and still lives at home...

Surely as he's no longer a student your parents will be charging him rent? How does he intend to earn his share?

So he won't take a job beneath him but he's happy to sponge off someone else! I would rather have a bit of pride doing any job than take my parents money, especially if they're under pressure themselves. He should be given an ultimatum, he can come home if he supports himself otherwise call his bluff and see if he really would like to be homeless than have a job

I had a friend who had this type of attitude when she graduated....she soon learned! I am with you and your dad on this one.
Some life lessons don't get taught at uni; I would let him learn the hard way.

It’s up to your parents to sort him out.

My brother was the same, my parents let him stay at home and do nothing for a while. They didn’t expect him to pay his way, no nagging, just let him be. Off his own back he went off and joined the Navy where he served for 22 years. Their relationship stayed strong, they trusted him to work it out himself because they had raised him and knew what he was capable of.

Don’t take sides, unless you want him to hate you too.

With his attitude they'll see straight through him, and no way will he be employed.
There are stunning excellent communicators like west End stars currently being employed by supermarkets, how on earth he expects to compete with these, is laughable.
Ask if he's scared he won't be able to do the work? he'll last a day on the street, then he'll be sweeping them.

What a feeble, arrogant little twerp. Maybe appeal to his vanity and point out to him how extremely unattractive it is to potential girlfriends to be living with and leeching off of Mom and Dad. Thats how you get labelled a loser, not by doing a temporary honest days work at whatever job you can find. What an asshole.

No job is beneath anyone.

I'm sure we all have jobs we'd rather not do. I've done some in my past that I would be really unhappy to return to (factory work, particularly in chilled and frozen, was probably my least enjoyed work ever, although working in a shoe shop and having to try and sell shitty polish and tights with every purchase wasn't fun either). But you only have the luxury of holding out for a job you want if you can support yourself whilst doing so. And I doubt he can.

If he is of that odd belief that doing 'low skilled' work will make getting the job he wants less likely, remind him that he doesn't have to put it on his CV, but also that the majority of employers would rather someone with a proven work ethic than a stuck up snob- and the ones who would prefer the latter are not people you want to work for anyway!

So he gained a first or high 2:1, did a work placement and/or internships and has a position lined up with his preferred employer, does he?

No? Welcome to the depressing world of job-hunting, OP's brother.

I think (apart from the merging households angle - is that allowed?) that the key consideration for your parents, is whether he'll be able to pay his way in their household with whatever benefits will be available to him while job-hunting (potentially over a very long period. He needs to check whether rates of benefit diminish and dwindle to naught and what happens if he turns down available work, or fails to go to or secure interviews for basic jobs).

Nobody is saying he should get a NMW job. HE is saying he's not going to get any job at all unless it's in his chosen field. Huge difference.

It is a bit mad under current circumstances not to feel you'd take up essential work, which is most of the work out there.

DH is an IT project manager with a Masters in Computer Science; his contract is coming to an end and when it does he's quite happy to apply to drive delivery trucks because it's needed and he's able to do it. Every employer will understand people taking up these jobs during this period - indeed they probably ought to approve of it!

I'm going to reserve judgement until I know what the degree is in and OP doesn't seem to want to come back and tell us.

I think you and your dad are right, but it would be better to talk to your brother about the very positive things that will come out of taking a job now.

He needs to gain experience of work itself. It’s really helpful to work with people from different backgrounds and perspectives, to work with the public, to have a routine. The skills he learns now have the potential to benefit him throughout his career.

Also being snobby is not attractive and he won’t endear himself to employers or colleagues with the attitude that some jobs are ‘beneath him’. I’m sure many of us have worked with managers or colleagues who always avoid ‘menial’ tasks, and also with those who are willing to share the load, who don’t see anything as beneath them. I know who I respect more and would rather work with!

If he’s not careful, when/if he does get a job, he’ll be the type who won’t wash up his own coffee mug and all his colleagues will hate him.

If your parents could comfortably afford to support him, or if there's a way to do this while working PT, or claiming benefits and job-hunting seriously too, I would look favourably on relevant voluntary work, or an internship. That will help give him the work experience he'll need to get an actual job in his chosen field.

Your brother may struggle even more to get a job in his field if he turns down interim work under the current economic conditions.

Employers will want to see people able to pull themselves together and work hard under trying circumstances, not sit on their arses at mummy and daddy's house to ride out the economic storm after university (assuming they don't already have a job lined up).

I know who I'd rather hire after the economy picked up again, and I know all my previous employers will feel the same way: someone who showed initiative and didn't act like everything was beneath them when times were tough for everyone.

Not to mention how many exes on mumsnet are men who can't be arsed to stay in a job they don't 'like' or feel their bosses are always wrong and they're right, or some other ridiculous excuse for not working Ever.

Let him live on the streets then. Entitled snot.

I remember when my Sil finished uni and moved in with her mum for a few months her mum was constantly obsessed that she shouldn't "sit around doing nothing" and kept nagging her to take random jobs. Sil is actually very hard working and was spending the time interviewing and doing a number of courses which improved her employment prospects. Sil eventually moved in with her dad who was more relaxed, within two months she had a job she loved and which was the start of her career so I don't think getting the first menial job you can is always the best policy.

He'll have difficulty paying the board and lodging your Dad should charge him without a job. He sounds like an entitled brat.

YADNBU!

But, given the times we live in, throwing himself into socialy valuable work, be that paid or voluntary, would be a useful thing to do that would also be of huge value to him, as a learning experience.

'He'd rather be homeless than take a job that's beneath him' sounds like he's about to have to live by that statement.

I'm going to reserve judgement until I know what the degree is in and OP doesn't seem to want to come back and tell us.

That's what I'm waiting for too......

I don't think getting the first menial job you can is always the best policy

Absolutely this. Yes, if it’s a choice between being unemployed for a year then any old job might do, but this guy hasn’t even got home from uni yet. We have no idea what his field is and it may well be best for his financial outlook to put time into applications and get a job in his area. It completely depends what his area is too - if his degree is museum curation with a specialism in 17th c hats then you might have a point. If he has done medicine or computer science or pretty much any STEM subject then he is realistically not going to find job hunting that hard.