Brother refusing to get a job that is beneath him

[GettingFatterByTheDay]

My brother is just about to finish uni and is due to move back home. He does not have a job and has outright admitted that he has no intentions of getting one unless it’s in the field he studied for. He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker. Because of this my dad is reluctant to let him come home as he has just taken a massive pay cut and may lose his own job. My mum is working extra hours in a job she doesn’t particularly love either to keep them afloat. Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation but his attitude stinks. He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on. AIBU to agree with my dad here? Times are hard for everyone right now, I doubt many people are living the life of Riley at the minute!! Either he gets a job, any job or should live elsewhere surely?

Well I have a professional career and 17 years experience in it, but at the end of the month I'm out of work, and if nothing in my field comes up, I'll be applying to all the local supermarkets for shifts!

He needs a reality check.

I lost my Senior Management role due to Covid, and I’ve managed to secure a temporary role- walking around a three floor office building wiping all touch points with high strength cleaner.

Certainly not what I trained for, its mind numbing my boring and very isolating, and it doesn’t pay a third of what I was on before, but it will cover a chunk of the bills and turn three months worth of savings into 6 or seven.

We do what we need to do to contribute and survive, especially at this time. And your mum and dad shouldn’t carry him.

@Lucyccfc68 or he’ll be working for one of your competitors... far more likely

He needs to get over himself.

Probably thinks he can swan back home and take it easy while mum and dad look after him like pre-university years while he swans around taking it easy looking for the high-flying job so befitting of his superiority (twat)

@ChrissieKeller61 They would be welcome to him. Although I know our direct competitors HRD and she wouldn't employ someone like this either.

Short version: He needs to get off his lazy arrogant selfish entitled arse and take any paying job - maybe some lessons to adjust a bad attitude would be helpful

Long version:

Until he can apply for an get a job in his chosen field he needs to do any job that pays and enables him to be an adult who contributes towards the household in which he lives. If this work-shy-genius thinks he is above everyone else let him be homeless and wageless and stand strong as a family by not giving any handouts - see how long he survives on the good will of his friends (not long I'd wager, as even well-off friends would soon get sick of a lazy freeloader). With his attitude he is sulking like a spoiled brat, being childish and insulting your parents in thinking they should continue to support him. Anyone not in education or over the age of 16 and still learning should be earning. Every adult in a household needs to pull their weight and that includes financial contributions/shares of all expenses. Your parents need to give this serious thought or there is a danger your brother will always think his stinking attitude is OK when it is not. Set an example, tell him what the expectations are if he is to come home - he needs to pay £??? each month for food, bills, toiletries etc or a percentage of his wage. If he wants to be seen as a man and no longer a child he needs to act like one. Your mum needs to stop feeling guilty and stop babying him and enabling his selfish behaviour. I'd make it clear he is not welcome if he thinks everyone else should work in jobs they might not like so much but do to bring home a pay packet. Years ago a lot of working men (husband/main breadwinner) + any other male or female offspring, extended family, lodgers etc would bring a weekly pay packet home and leave the (usually woman) homemaker to take what was needed to run the home, pay bills, feed everyone etc then if there was any left would allot 'beer money' or 'pin money' or 'pocket money' etc. With your brother's attitude even if he got a job I'm not sure I'd trust what he said his income was, I'd want to see a payslip! And if he acts like a child maybe something similar to the old-fashioned circumstances I just mentioned - hand over wages and receive an allowance back. Don't fall for any excuses but stick to the line he needs to get a job, any bloody job and to tone down the arrogance - if it wasn't for 'shelf-stackers' and other workers (often on minimum wage or lower pay scales) none of us would've eaten very well during lockdown or been able to keep ourselves, our kids and pets homes clean - he should appreciate these workers not slag them off and think he is somehow better than them when he hasn't ever done an honest day's work - damn cheek of him.

I am wondering if his arrogant comments are said in fear

Due to the virus, the current job situation is not normal for anyone
However, he is being disrespectful to his parents who are both working

I agree that any job experience is useful for money & learning soft skills

I've worked in many different jobs & volunteered

He won't go far with that sort of attitude

Either the Op has completely forgotten she started this thread or it’s a reverse and she’s gone off to have a think about things.

I recruit graduates. I'd employ a shelf stacker or warehouse worker every day before I employed someone who'd spent that time sat on their arse for a graduate traineeship.

Has he not had a part time job whilst at college/uni?,when I was at college I was a waitress in a crappy pub for £3.00 an hour and later I worked at Burger King.A job was a job;it all went on my CV.

If he doesn't want to get a job which is "beneath him" then that is his decision. However it is also up to him to find somewhere to live and some way to support himself - he shouldn't expect his parents to provide for him. Where on earth does he think he will find a job to suit his over-inflated ego at the moment anyway? He's an idiot.

Many students who work 35 hours in a shelf stacking role are actually doing so as they want to run cars or travel or go out lots (which is fine but it’s a personal choice)

Or they are eighteen and desperately want to date/socialise outside of their course.

I agree with pps who say that just work out what a reasonable level of “keep” if parents are struggling and go from there.

Often after a certain age retail/service jobs are full of quite immature, “chip on the shoulder” types who (even if they have a degree) have made bad lifestyle choices and will attempt to sabotage/bully anyone moving into more professional/middle class roles.

Maybe ok if he’s doing 10 hours temp and keeping his head down but it’s quite easy to be the recipient of inverse snobbery and get into a bit of a negative mindset which won’t translate well to more professional roles.

Lack of social mobility often isn’t due to the Tories or expensive education. It’s due to social pressure from a low- achieving peer group

(“ooh, who do you think you are with your fancy studying when I had three children by the age of 21 and went to the University of Life! And my husband knew he couldn’t progress in his career, he just went to work down the mines to take care of OUR FAMILY like a good man does! And it’s all these posh peoples fault we’re struggling ”)

I’m also impressed at all these “senior graduate recruiters” who regularly have time in between being power brokers saying “you’re hired/fired” to pop on to a free anonymous mumsnet thread like this to share the benefit of their wisdom

It reminds me a bit of online dating when you get the “I manage 50 people in a national organisation” type guy (so..... you supervise customer service at Tesco then ...)

I have to go, my PA has a stack of applications where I will make the life changing decisions and anyone who disagrees with me is clearly a waster who will be living off their grandmother at the age of 57

My brother has a degree and an MBA. For the last 2 years he's worked the night shift in the warehouse at ASOS on a zero hours, minimum wage contract. Unlike the rest of us, he never complains and is a great source of amusing stories about which strange items are currently in vogue (he's a picker)..

I have recruited for Investment Banks and currently for a tech start up.

Gaps in a CV are red flag for me, and I would certainly ask about them. If I was told the candidate in question just did nothing, that would be a big negative.

Actually showing some get up and go, and taking a basic job or volunteering or basically doing something is far better.

In the days before minimum wage DF - a qualified medical professional - took a job cleaning floors at a supermarket. It paid LESS than the dole but for him it was about having a bit of pride in yourself (and not having a gap on his CV).

@MirrorMask

Try reading Born to fail by Sonia Blanford and you see where the issue is with social mobility. She has really done her research over the years.

Here is a price she did for the Guardian:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2018/mar/02/working-class-children-born-to-fail-teachers-disadvantaged-pupils

That's one of the reasons (as one of 'those' recruiters) that I also partner with a number of schools in what are considered disadvantaged areas and offer work experience placements, careers talks and mentoring.

Why wouldn't people with experience of taking on young people and graduates give advice, rather than sarcastic responses?

I’m also impressed at all these “senior graduate recruiters” who regularly have time in between being power brokers saying “you’re hired/fired” to pop on to a free anonymous mumsnet thread like this to share the benefit of their wisdom

Agreed MM it really really surprises me given recruiters have targets to hit, there’s a massive skills shortage in most areas. I’m surprised they can afford to be that fussy

MirrorMask - there is quite a lot to be said for working in a supermarket 'after a certain age'. If you've got a flexible contract it can leave you free during weekdays to attend interviews/courses - so many things that can be useful are held during the day, during the week. If you've got a fixed number of hours you can just ask your manager to make sure you're free 'next Wednesday', or swap shifts.

I previously worked in a school. Brilliant job, great pay, but completely inflexible, time off only in school holidays. Now I work a supermarket job and can travel, attend workshops and do my 'other' job with complete flexibility.

Never rule out a supermarket, however well qualified you are!

My daughter has a very good degree from a very good university, and more importantly, is extremely capable. She came home at the end of her degree course, had a couple of months rest - she had worked extremely hard, mentally and physically, in her last year - and then got a job in a call centre, because a) she wanted to have money coming in, b) she’s not the type to sit around doing not much for too long at a time, and c) she knew that firstly, she needed to be working in order to be in the right headspace for serious job hunting, and secondly, she wanted to make the best possible impression on recruiters. She worked there part-time for a couple of months until she was offered a great job in her career field.

But she’s always been very driven. She got a weekend job while she was in secondary school (entirely of her own volition) and continued working throughout, barring her final year of A Levels. She also worked part-time at McDonald’s whilst at university, and came out of university with thousands of pounds in savings.

Working those jobs wasn’t beneath her, they were important steps to the very good job she’s in now (her second in her career field, earning a great deal of money). Yes, she could legitimately have said that a call centre job was a waste of her skills and knowledge, but she was clever enough not to be so shortsighted.

I can see both sides. Yes, on the face of it he is a selfish little cunt and should be left to get on with being homeless if that's what he wants. (Which, obviously, he doesn't - he's just using that as a threat because it's his only bargaining chip really.)

However, he does have a point - shelf-stacking or other menial work is not going to help him much in his career. All it will do is take time he could be spending looking for a proper job and reward him with a low wage which, after tax, isn't going to be great. He may well feel that having worked hard for several years he has a right to look for suitable work than take an unskilled job in a supermarket.

If I could give him a word of caution, it would be that after 6 months of being on the dole, it will become increasingly hard to get off it. Employers don't like big gaps in your CV. Right now, there is a valid excuse - future employers will remember 2020 was the year of COVID-19. But, long term, it doesn't look good having big gaps in your employment history.

Standard brother-think OP!

The big difference in my daughter’s and OP’s brothers situation is that I was financially comfortable so I happily could have had her living with me for six months plus without having some help from her. OP’s parents are already having a difficult time and it would be grossly unfair for her brother to leech off them because he’s too self-important or arrogant to even consider that he might need to do a job that he’s not excited about.That’s just not right. You do what you have to do to help yourself and others, you don’t sit around expecting handouts for an indefinite period of time just because some jobs are ‘beneath you.’

Where does he think the money he will need for food and accommodation etc is coming from? Is he expecting to sit on his arse and have others work to pay for him?

Your brother is being a dick.
Guess what I'm qualified in???
Performance art and dance.
Plan was to work in a theatre while doing my teaching degree and then teach the subject. Unfortunately while I did manage to get a bit of work in the local theatre it wasn't full time.
I've worked as a barmaid, a manager in a clothing store, a customer service worker in an outdoor shop, a server in a bakery, a PA and a teaching assistant!
A few years back my health condition deteriorated massively so now my "dreams" will never be realised.
Instead I'm planning on doing a different degree through the OU and then do a PGCE so I can still teach but in a different subject.
Welcome to the real world buddy!

I had various ‘menial’ jobs during uni summer holidays and straight after graduating. The time in a shop meant that when it came to interviews for my dream marketing role, I had a good track record in understanding customer needs, customer relationships and selling. My time behind a bar meant I could talk about dealing with difficult customers, negotiating heated situations and working under pressure when busy. The entry level admin showed I could work well in an office environment, understood office politics, knew my way around the IT and could manage a workload.

None of them were in the industry I wanted but they showed I was a hard worker, reliable, and I had great references available. I got a job in no time unlike colleagues with little work experience of any kind, some of who never made it into the industry we all wanted as it’s so competitive and their sparse cvs didn’t make the cut.