Brother refusing to get a job that is beneath him

[GettingFatterByTheDay]

My brother is just about to finish uni and is due to move back home. He does not have a job and has outright admitted that he has no intentions of getting one unless it’s in the field he studied for. He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker. Because of this my dad is reluctant to let him come home as he has just taken a massive pay cut and may lose his own job. My mum is working extra hours in a job she doesn’t particularly love either to keep them afloat. Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation but his attitude stinks. He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on. AIBU to agree with my dad here? Times are hard for everyone right now, I doubt many people are living the life of Riley at the minute!! Either he gets a job, any job or should live elsewhere surely?

he knows that companies are still employing right now, doesn't he?
The "current situation" is no excuse for not working.

My son studied and worked hard to gain a trade qualification. 4 years of training - then the construction business plummeted and he was made redundant as were many others.
He cleaned stadiums after matches for minimum wage and also loaded lorries where he was the only worker who hadn’t been in prison, a couple were murderers out on licence.
When the construction trade began to pick up he worked as a labourer for his trade as this was all he could get.
He is now in a job he really enjoys using the skills and knowledge he gained during training and working in other jobs. All work teaches us something.
His cv proved he is a grafter and a team player. That’s why he’s got the job he has.
Your brother is a dick.

He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him”

Oh well, homeless it is then! Perhaps when he's bunking down in a doorway he might change his attitude.

All interviews now seem to be scenario based questions, so he is going to struggle if he doesn’t have anything to talk about!
Even if it’s in a job “beneath” him, he will be thankful that he could answer “tell me about a time you....:”
I had a decent degree and about 9 months after graduating started on a graduate scheme, which has lead to a good career. However in those 9 months I worked at Asda while applying for grad schemes and entry level admin roles (everything wants experience!)

If I’m interviewing now & they have sat on their arse since uni it would be a big red flag for me. He needs to remember that there are a million people with the same qualification as him, what is he doing to differentiate himself?!

What an entitled attitude, absolutely let him fend for himself. My brother recently lost his job as a pilot due to Coronavirus and he went straight to Tesco to get a night job shelf stacking to support his family. No job is beneath anyone that's so rude to people working hard at the moment to keep the country going

The company advertising his ‘dream job’ will give the dream job to someone without gaps on their cv, not to someone bone idle living in a dream world.
Shelf staking is not below anybody, it’s bloody hard work, and generally a safe profession to be in, and like all jobs has ladders you can climb to get higher if you choose to, and has been proven in these times to be one of the more important jobs.
He’s got a short sharp shock coming to him in the real world.

@atwrongsideofhistorymyarse - oh my freaking goodness!

Thing is it’s going to get harder to get a job so better your brother get off his high horse sooner rather than later. Better to have something on your CV than nothing.

I'm with your dad on this. If he thinks that some jobs are beneath him, what does he think of the people who do those jobs? I'm fine with him being homeless. Just tell him not to claim benefits either, because he wouldn't want to live off the taxes paid by those "beneath him" either, would he?

My husbands ex flat mate like this. He was only interested in a graphic design job. Refused to look for any other job. He had no experience in graphic design work. Or any other work for that matter. He made no attempt to look for graphic design work. I think he thought they would come looking for him. Meanwhile his mum or my husband were carrying him. But if you listened to him talk companies were headhunting him he was just weighing up his options.
Last I saw of him he was cocklodging with a new girlfriend still never had a job.

Looks bad on your Resume if you finished Uni with a nice degree and then did nothing for a year waiting to apply for that magic job.
Ds graduated with great results and spent a few months working as a kitchen porter through an agency. His first boss told him that he showed he was willing to work by doing anything to earn a living while waiting for a good job.
Your brothers acting like a spoilt brat. I'm with your Dad. He'll come crawling home with a plan to work at whatever it takes if they cut him off.

Definitely agree wholeheartedly with you and your dad.

Your mum needs to be very careful now - if she does the wrong thing here she could well have a complete waster on her hands for years to come, since there’s no guarantee that any job will ever satisfy your brother’s lofty opinion of himself. Especially graduate jobs...

What an idiot, as well : a job - any job! - is beneath him but unemployment isn’t, never mind mooching off his parents who are already in financial difficulty??

Your mum needs to keep it in sharp focus that she is doing him a huge disservice if she enables him with this.

He sounds like an arrogant stuck up child. I hope your dad sticks to his guns and your mum stops undermining him.

It really depends what his degree was in. The field my husband is in would (rightly or wrongly) certainly see someone doing a menial job after uni as a massive down side on an application. If I wished to get a job in that field I'd aim to improve my skills while earning a bit of money tutoring online. When I was doing my masters I earned three times minimum wage tutoring online (although it was slightly unsocial hours since it was foreign students). I certainly wouldn't work shelf stacking unless there was really no other choice.

The type of job he can get will also be dependent on his degree. A very good degree you'll still be employable (although with less choice) after graduating even during a recession. A mediocre degree combined with a recession is obviously going to be more tricky.

In any case having a degree isn't an advantage for a shelf stacking job so there's no reason he's more likely to get a job shelf stacking then

Your parents need to be asking him "how will you pay your board and support yourself if you aren't working" It sounds like he expects to move home for a free ride and that's ludicrous for a young healthy person. If he cant pay his way they aren't under any obligation to support him when he's capable of working. I've recently seen airline pilots now driving supermarket delivery vans!

When I left uni and was jobhunting I did a variety of jobs, never once thought they were beneath me and I'd got a law degree but also had a baby to support. So I shelved any idea of doing the legal practise course and I worked 3 jobs in a call centre, cleaning toilets, and working in a deli shop. I got my break via the call centre through determination and hard work and 20 years later I'm finally in my element as a Project Manager with 15 years experience.

Tbh he needs to get a grip. All those jobs he feels are beneath him are currently keeping this country fed and clean.....

What is his degree? Subject? Grade? University?

What does he have a degree in out of interest, that he can hold out until the right job comes along?

Wow the cheek - homeless it is then.

If someone's CV turns up on my desk with a degree and no jobs on it I am very suspicious about it.

And yet on MN so many are aghast at the idea of students working whilst studying, 'They need to focus on their studies!'

I'd be interested to know what field your brother studied/hopes to work in? And what was he like at school? State or private? Did he ever have a saturday job?

Known a couple egotistical young men who have similar views (won't work, travel/stay, eat/drink at anywhere they deem below them), both smart, private education background and no work experience as teens. One still not really doing anything, living with parents, the other has got the job he wanted (which isn't very lucrative) and shares a flat in London but continues to demand additional money/support from parents ("without being financially secure I can't flourish" he says).

YANBU - I'd side with your dad here.

Do you also live with your parents? If not then I think your mum is BU trying to get you to weigh in, this is really for her and your dad to settle. I hope your dad digs his heels in!

I agree, he needs to apply for a job as a stop gap to earn some money to pay your mum and dad some rent until he finds a graduate job. They will do him no favours enabling him to do nothing.

Regardless, you need to tell your mum you are keeping out of it. None of your business, it is between them and their ds.

I'm with your dad on this. If he thinks that some jobs are beneath him, what does he think of the people who do those jobs?

To be fair while describing them as "beneath him" is obnoxious it's hardly surprising that someone who has spent time and money getting a degree wants to attempt to make use of that degree rather than doing a job they could have done at age 16. I would have been massively disappointed if after studying for a long time I ended up in a supermarket stacking shelves (a job I did during 6th form and hated). If after a long period of attempting to find work I was literally unable to find anything else then of course I'd suck it up but and do it but I definitely wouldn't be rushing out of uni into the Tesco application office! (I also highly doubt that there are many shelf stacking jobs left - my local supermarkets have filled all their excess vacancies and have a waiting list).

I would stay out of it OP.

It's not your business.

My ex/good friend has a first in PPE from Oxford. His first job after uni was working in the local Spar....

And wasnt Eistein working in a 'shit' job in the passport office whilst writing the theory of relativity...

I'm not sure universal credits are awarded on this premise. Let reality bite him on the bum. Employers do look at employment history. A lack of it would be queried by a prospective employer.

DBro's attitude to his work offers a range of fulfilling opportunities.

He's got a career as a cocklodger OR on sanctions OR as a basement boy.