Brother refusing to get a job that is beneath him

[GettingFatterByTheDay]

My brother is just about to finish uni and is due to move back home. He does not have a job and has outright admitted that he has no intentions of getting one unless it’s in the field he studied for. He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker. Because of this my dad is reluctant to let him come home as he has just taken a massive pay cut and may lose his own job. My mum is working extra hours in a job she doesn’t particularly love either to keep them afloat. Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation but his attitude stinks. He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on. AIBU to agree with my dad here? Times are hard for everyone right now, I doubt many people are living the life of Riley at the minute!! Either he gets a job, any job or should live elsewhere surely?

Before your brother moves back home your parents should inform him that his weekly lodgings (rent plus his share of the gas, electricity, council tax, broadband, landline, food etc) will be X amount per month, payable on the 1st of every month. In addition, his share of the chores will be......

Your parents should make it clear he cannot return home just to sit on his backside 24/7 and that he needs to pay his way and earn his keep. It won't be good for his MH to spend months doing nothing but sleeping and eating.

Call his bluff and let him be homeless if he likes...

His attitude stinks. Back your Dad up and explain to your mum that she's not doing him any favours encouraging this attitude in him.

With his shitty attitude a supermarket probably wouldn’t employ him anyway.

Your parents need to be very careful: they could find themselves supporting him for years to come with his over-inflated ideas about his employability. Once we come out of this corona isolation the world of work could be very, very different. Some of us could be
fortunate to find any job at all

@Coldemort

That's quite rare though. Lots of my friends did PPE most didn't get firsts and all at least got graduate jobs after graduating (admittedly not during an international pandemic). There are plenty of admin jobs, working for exam boards, jobs in schools etc which pay more than the local spa. (Unless you live very rurally of course).

@peppermintcapsules on a lot of the more demanding degree courses it absolutely isn’t a good idea to have a job running at the same time unless you really have to in order to survive.

Graduate jobs for those professions generally do take that into account. Or sometimes the degree course offers a year in industry, to give the experience.

It’s very different for a university graduate to sit at home for a year plus (which could quite easily be the case) without getting any work at all because they’re holding out for that dream job, and then expecting to impress at CV stage with no actual work done since graduation.

My BIL is like this. On account of his poor attitude he has never made anything of his life. Sounds like your brother is going to be in for a big shock!!! Most people have worked at least a couple of jobs that they would prefer not to do. He sounds like a right entitled wally.

I have a similar story to Coldemort.

Son of a friend of mine. Graduated from Cambridge last year. Wanted to work in a highly-specialised, very competitive field where there are very few openings. He always loved food and cooking, so took a job as a sous chef in a restaurant. Worked incredibly long hours, 6 days a week for nine months but learned loads and got to use a different part of his brain.

When his dream job opportunity came up, he was told what he'd done in the interim had counted in his favour. Showed a willingness to work, learn new skills, expand his horizons beyond academia.

As someone who has also employed loads of grads over the years, I can tell you categorically that work experience, any kind of work experience really counts.

I would have thought that working in a supermarket during this lockdown would be seen as a good thing on a CV!

It's been years since I had any working knowledge of benefits, but if you were classed as fit to work you had to be able to work (not ill), looking for work, and willing to work. The type of work had to be something you had a realistic expectation of securing: anything specific and you needed to have not only the relevant qualifications, but also have had experience of it. Graduates coming out of uni and wanting to claim benefit couldn't simply say 'I've qualified as an X and that's the only job I'll take' - they had to also consider other stuff that they could walk into straight away. So with his current attitude, your DB will not qualify for benefit. So your DPs will be supporting him.

I agree with you and your Dad. Your brother sounds rather naive, and perhaps a bit of a job snob, which is an unattractive trait to have.

He will need some money coming in wherever possible while he looks for work in his preferred field, surely. He should be willing to take on any part time work he can get at the moment, and he can't be too choosy in the current climate. He needs to at least try to get work, so that at he can demonstrate that he hasn't been just sitting on his arse in the weeks since finishing his studies.

I'm not certain how easy it is now to get shop floor jobs in the big supermarkets. They did all embark on recruitment drives back at the beginning of lockdown (feels like years ago now, but it was only just over three weeks). They may have largely filled them now, but it is still worth enquiring. My DD3 has taken a temporary job with Tesco as a picker for the online delivery service. She is 18 and hoping to go to uni in September or October of this year, all being well.

Your brother needs to be more flexible. Few people waltz out of uni and straight into their dream jobs.

Several people have asked what his degree is....

At this moment in time his degree means squat

we're about to enter the biggest recession weve seen where does he think he'll get this amazing job

He needs to realise that hiring managers actually take stints in jobs that he considers to be 'beneath him' very seriously - they can teach a person a wide range of transferable soft skills that you don't get through education alone. Also the fact that he got a job straight out of school - no matter what is is - is a sign of a good work ethic, which is also highly regarded. Refusing to work in a job that he deems 'beneath him' may result in potential employers assessing his blank work history and deciding that he is 'beneath' them.

No way would I have him back with an attitude like that. I'd tell him he'll have to be homeless then.

I don’t think you or your parents have any business telling your brother what kind of job he should get. Your parents are well within their rights to charge rent. It’s up to him how he manages to afford it. Tbh I can completely understand how demoralising it would be to tell someone who has worked hard for 3 years with a career goal in mind that they are going to have to stack shelves when they finish uni. Why do that? He is best placed to work out how to support himself.

There are no jobs that would be beneath unemployed 21 year old

Well if he will not stack shelves, tell him to stay where he is. I stacked shelves, did bar work, anything that paid money during and after uni. until my dream job, which to be honest paid less than the other jobs at the beginning.

Expecting your parents to support him whilst he swans around looking for the ideal job is CFery of the highest order, and your father is absolutely right to say if he wants them to house him he will have to pay his way.

He also needs to learn the reality that potential employers are really not impressed by people with massive gaps in their CVs where they did bugger all, so he will be harming his chances of finding his ideal job anyway if he doesn't get some sort of work, no matter how menial.

Your brother is being so unreasonable. I graduated in the last recession and got the first full time job I applied for, and my manager specifically told me shed decided to interview me ahead of other graduates because I had various part time jobs throughout school and uni, rather than "just" a degree.

I suppose technically that job was "beneath me" as the majority of other people doing it didn't have a degree and the pay wasn't great. However it was a job when the majority of my peers who hadn't worked struggled to get anything for months after graduating, so it meant I had money and gained a lot of experience. About a year after I got my idea.job in the field I had graduated in....a job I never would have got if I hadn't taken the first one because it was internal applicants only!

Unless his degree is in something very specific and valuable he will struggle to walk straight into a related job....and as other posters have said the longer the empty gap on his cv gets the worse it looks.

YANBU but....I wonder if someone from Uni put that idea into his head?

He might have been told that if he does manual jobs that are not related to his degree, it will ruin his chances of being taken seriously when he applies for jobs in his actual field. Some people (particularly those who have always relied on the bank of mum and dad to fund their lifestyle), genuinely believe this crap and so pass this on as the gospel truth.

In reality Covid-19 has turned everything on its head, so there are no absolute truths in the job hunting arena anymore.

Except that as usual, the seriously wealthy will thrive during this pandemic cocooned within their privileged family bosom.
Thus it ever was.

If he’s young, you can forgive his naivety.

Your brother is going to get the shock of his life when he gets out of that university bubble. He is an idiot.
We are in the midst of a pandemic and the economy is in a mess. Bigger and better people than your brother will not have jobs to go to.
When I finished my degree, I worked as a cleaner. It was flexible and gave me time to apply for jobs in my field.
I eventually got a job in my chosen field and the woman who interviewed me told me that she herself had worked as a cleaner after her degree.

I really feel that the way you are framing this is borrowing trouble. Have some sympathy for someone graduating into the biggest economic crisis in our lifetime. He is going to be very anxious about getting a job. Your mum and dad need to tell him how much they will be charging him and from when, and make clear he needs to put arrangements in place to meet this. Then he can see what the job market looks like for him in your local area (and indeed he can consider whether he would be better off moving to a different area). Having an argument now about whether or not he has to accept a hypothetical job is just crazy IMHO.

Your brother needs to grow the fuck up!

I hold 2 degrees and postgrad qualifications, currently unemployed due to ill health, but have done all sorts of jobs inc retail, hospitality, factory...the one I probably enjoyed most was working as a barmaid! Both before and after gaining those qualifications, needs must as I had dd to think of plus I was raised not to be a lazy twat! Very frustrated I can’t work at the moment and I keep trying to find ways to do so, ironically the current situation might make it easier for me.

Nothing wrong with nmw jobs. Indeed I actually enjoyed those jobs the most! Least stressful (once you leave you can switch brain off) and set hours! And if you worked extra you got paid overtime.

In addition even employers in professional fields don’t want lazy, entitled arses as employees! On that score I’d be asking him exactly how he plans on explaining a possibly very long gap in his cv - especially considering we’re likely heading into a deep recession if not a global depression economically?

All employers want people with a “can do” attitude who aren’t the types who when assigned a task say “but that’s not my job”

Out of curiosity what field has he studied in?

I’ve people on my Facebook feed who are highly qualified professionals currently unable to work in usual roles working in retail, haulage, logistics and public transport for the time being for a variety of reasons.

Sounds like your parents may be partly to blame though? Because it sounds like they’ve fully funded him up until now and he must be at least 21 years old?!

My parents came from a very poor working class background as did theirs (and so on and so forth), soon as we were old enough to earn from part time work, at that time age 13, our pocket money stopped. If we wanted money for luxuries we had to earn it.

I started off babysitting, always loved little kids, I also had a part time job in a newsagents - what was known then as a “Saturday job” though I actually worked there on a Sunday.

My brother also did babysitting - very good with little boys, very sporty and fun guy, he also did things like mowing lawns and garden work and washing cars, he also worked in McDonald’s of a sat and sun morning (he’s always been a lark I hate mornings myself).

My sister also did babysitting, dog walking (she was always dog daft) and she also had a job waitressing in a hotel near us which had a cafe/restaurant open to the public.

I started working full time aged 16 even though I was also at college then I worked it around college hours.

But even my ex, who came from a much better off family was expected to get a part time job around the same age to get work experience and learn the value of money, just as his older siblings had been expected to. In one case this led to one of them going in a completely different career direction than he or his family thought he would. He’s very academic but actually found he was an excellent cake decorator from working part time in a bakery and he loved it too, and so rather than academia he went to catering college and trained up and is now a professional baker with his own business. Won awards and all sorts.

My 1st degree was very specific (nursing) and so the people I studied with are still working in that field.

But those from my 2nd degree (humanities degree) are doing all kinds of things and when they first graduated, particularly the younger ones who didn’t have a full cv to present as yet, took any job they could get! While looking for preferred jobs/roles/careers.

The majority of them within 5 years were working in the roles/careers they wanted to based on the degree. But these jobs don’t fall into people’s laps!

Even those who were going on to further study (mainly teacher training) in the summer between were working in retail, childcare, factory jobs etc to have money coming in.

And yes as pp say connections can come from the most surprising places too!

One of my fellow grads from 2nd degree got her dream job from meeting the sibling of someone working at one of the main companies in the field while working at a supermarket shelf stacking. The connecting sibling invited my friend to a dinner party with the relevant person and they grasped the opportunity with both hands, impressed the person working at said company enough that when a position came up they were remembered and invited to an interview and got the job.

A lot of the time it’s not what you know it’s WHO you know, unfair perhaps but true.

Like BobbinThreadbare123 I’ve also been “a boss” and going through cv’s and interviewing candidates and yes the ones who’ve only been in academia but never worked a day in their lives go to the bottom of the pile if not straight in file 13!

@Piffle11 I’m on benefits now, and even though it’s due to ill health there are LOTS of hoops to jump through. The current benefits system absolutely doesn’t support plain idle people! - despite what the DM may claim!

Frankly, he sounds unemployable.

As a graduate employer, I actively assess candidates' work ethic - I don't care if they have any relevant work experience, as we'll train them up, but I do care if someone has no evidence on their CV to prove they can hack working in the real world.

I appreciate finding paid work is hard, even if "beneath" someone - voluntary work is also fine. I just want to know someone is capable of basic life skills.

A CV which has a degree on it and nothing else goes straight in the bin.

Then he can see what the job market looks like for him in your local area (and indeed he can consider whether he would be better off moving to a different area)

He can't move to a different area right now. And what would he buy furniture / pay rent with if he has no job?

I did various jobs that were “beneath” what I should have been doing at the time (can’t think of how to phrase it, but you know what I mean) and they really changed how I worked and developed me as a person. Looking back, they were absolutely critical to getting to where I am today. And eventually I moved on, but I still look back at those times with huge affection. They taught me so much!