Brother refusing to get a job that is beneath him

[GettingFatterByTheDay]

My brother is just about to finish uni and is due to move back home. He does not have a job and has outright admitted that he has no intentions of getting one unless it’s in the field he studied for. He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker. Because of this my dad is reluctant to let him come home as he has just taken a massive pay cut and may lose his own job. My mum is working extra hours in a job she doesn’t particularly love either to keep them afloat. Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation but his attitude stinks. He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on. AIBU to agree with my dad here? Times are hard for everyone right now, I doubt many people are living the life of Riley at the minute!! Either he gets a job, any job or should live elsewhere surely?

the world of work is a very flexible these days - why doesn't he look for a part time role while he is looking for something better suited to his area or study? (I was going to say skills, but as yet, he presumably doesn't have experience, just study) - Although with his attitude of "I'm too good for you, I'm a graduate" he'll probably find it hard to get anything.

Anyway, he can't go anywhere at the moment - all those free evenings to research potential jobs that might meet his expectations.

Any job is better than no job. You and your dad are right.

Nothing wrong with shelf stacking. It's hard work, an honest wage and really essential at this time!

If he thinks he's too good for that sort of job then he's too good to sponge off mum and dad then isn't he?

Is unemployment not beneath him?

I agree with you completely. After leaving Uni DS worked in Tesco's for 6 months while looking for something else. Your brother is being very selfish.

What makes him think that any supermarket would want him in the first place?

Even now, they want people who want to work for them - and will have their pick of people with experience as well as qualifications; a presently unemployed person who has been working in a restaurant or a bar for 3 years is a whole lot more attractive than a graduate who clearly doesn't want the job, has no work history and zero examples to give of times where they have defused a situation with an unhappy customer, provided service over and above, has no idea of how job interviews are conducted and probably comes across as a fucking knobend anyhow.

He needs the reality check to having to find a way to keep himself from being homeless, rather than turn into one of those men who move in with a girl who has a job and home probably a single Mum and then plays computer games all day whilst she works her arse off for years. And then moves onto the next mug when she finally tells him to get off his arse and get a job cleaning toilets or she's made redundant.

I'd be inclined to tell him that if he'd rather be homeless than lower himself to mere employment that the weather is probably picking up a bit now, so as long as he has already got enough money for a sleeping bag and a few bin liners, I'm sure his sense of self importance to society will help keep him warm.

A job is a job, I’d rather have a job and Be out earning a wage . A total least he won’t have a gap in his cv.

I agree with you and your dad.
I think just one night of being homeless would change your brother’s mind as well !

I'm a hiring manager. If someone's CV turns up on my desk with a degree and no jobs on it I am very suspicious about it. It looks lazy; having a job, any job, teaches you about the world of work. We've a young person in our team who had never worked prior, and it really shows that mummy and daddy supported them instead of encouraging independence and financial self reliance.

I have a fabulous degree (and a track record as a novelist). I stack shelves as a day job. The work is flexible, not that badly paid, important right at the moment and surprisingly interesting.

Your 'D'B needs to get over himself.

It is completely normal for Uni grads to work in anything they can find while applying for ‘career’ jobs, unless your family are wealthy or you have a vocational qualification. I did all sorts after my Biology degree and so well temping as an accounts assistant I went on to become a qualified accountant. Your brother is an entitled, lazy idiot.

That's hilarious. Turns out that shelf-stackers are really valuable key workers and it's not beneath anyone to do that, although it is beyond a lot of people.

You and your dad are right: if he wants to live with your parents he has to contribute. I hope your dad stays firm.

Our company recruits graduates. We would think well of someone with a “shelf-stacking” job. In fact, if a couple of months after graduation, a young person has taken on no temporary employment at all, then we would be inclined to think that they lack the drive, motivation and work ethic we are looking for.
Your mother should at least call his bluff for a good while longer yet.
She appears to have raised a rather entitled, pompous young man but there’s still an opportunity for her to do some firm, fair parenting to try to correct the situation.

It must be extra scary being a graduate at minute in this climate. Maybe your parents could agree for him to come home until September. He's expected to contribute £x financially and do x or y around house. Spell out that money is tight.
A gap on cv wont help so he needs some plan.
What's his degree in?

YANBU, I took on a temp job in a petrol station when I graduated, nothing to do with my degree but it meant I had money coming in whilst I applied for other jobs, and I actually quite enjoyed it. I have been interviewing for a while now, and any sort of work or volunteering is better than a blank space through choice in my opinion.

Your brother is an idiot. He seems to fail to realise that it is very possible to work in a supermarket ft, whilst applying for his dream job in the evenings/we until he finds his perfect job, which he is much more likely to get if he is in work as questions in interviews will likely be something along the lines of 'can you give me an example of in you current role...' and you can always almost find something relevant in any job done, much harder when you don't.

Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation

Why does she need you to get involved at all?

"He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” ... "
Well, homelessness is it then, with a side-order of unemployable-anyway. Has he always been a wanker?

Just out of curiosity, which field was he studying in?

DD took a job in a shop after uni until she finally got an internship and then a permanent job in her own field - she learnt a lot from working in retail even though it wasn't her area of expertise.

I recruit a lot into a specialist organisation. We see so many like your brother who don’t realise that without a record of showing they can get up and go to work regularly and reliably, can work with other people, can deal with difficult situations, and understand how the world of work functions, no-one is going to take a chance on him. I’ve taken people who’ve worked in call centres, as carers, as PAs, and lots of people whose only post-university experience is in retail, and all are now in specialist roles. But no work record means he won’t even get an interview. Everyone has a degree and a passion for their subject now, but that’s far from enough. The contrast we see between these people and our school leaver apprentices is huge. The apprentices can really struggle to understand how organisations function and what’s normal in the workplace. I don’t expect the same lack of skills from graduates. He needs to get some up to date workplace experience, in any field.

I'd make this argument less about getting a job and more about paying board. In is early 20's it's time he paid his way so he either pats your Jim and dad or pats someone else a lot more.... then he has to get a job.

I agree with you and your Dad. It's not ideal but if the family needs money and he is living at the family home, he needs to get out there and earn. All jobs can provide levels of skills and experience that can be used in other industries.

Anyway, surely he should have been applying for graduate jobs first term final year?

He's in for a bit of a shock I fear. We're about to experience a pretty dramatic recession /depression.

I graduated around the time of the last crash and ended up working several retail / office admin jobs fot a few years (eventually doing a part time masters at the same time to top up my degree).
It took a few years and an unpaid internship to even get a foot in the door in "my field" which I am now very happily working in.

Every job I worked was different challenging and interesting. I worked with some great people and I learned a lot of transferable skills which allowed me to excel in a more technical "professional" role now which I in no way consider to be "above" my former colleagues in retail.

No one is above being a "shelf stacker" (I hope recent events may make certain people revise their attitudes to these kinds of actually incredibly important jobs) although with his current attitude it would be unlikely your brother would be hired as one.

Has he ever worked? Who paid for his degree? He sounds incredibly spoilt and stuck up.

Is it geology?

Your brother has a shit attitude and will learn that hard way that, I agree with you and your dad that the free ride stops now. He needs to contribute to finances wherever he is living and if that means he has to stack shelves then so be it!

Hopefully once he sees how shit unemployed benefits are for a fit single young man then he'll soon change his mind, don't give in!