To be annoyed at IVF comments

[Strawberryshortcake28]

My IVF was cancelled due to CV which although was devestating I completely agree and understand money and resources need to be better spent elsewhere

What I am annoyed about is the comments I have been hearing about how it shouldn't be available in the first place on the NHS and it is a waste of money

Infertility is a disease! Caused by all different health issues imagine not being able to have your own DC
Imagine trying every month and getting your hopes up for years and years to be disappointed month on month

Imagine watching all your friends have their dc and think you'll never get the chance and feeling like you have nothing in common anymore
Imagine waking up every Xmas or mother's day with no DC to spend it with

Infertility has been the hardest experience of my life and made me severely depressed IVF gives me hope .

Yes you can go private and pay for it yourself but not everyone is in the financial position a lot of couples spend thousands on treatment with no DC at the end the NHS could be their last hope give them one more shot
Yes adoption may be an option but not everyone can be approved or is it an easy process

Aibu to be angry ?

You're not being unreasonable at all, people just don't understand, do they? Procreation is one of life's fundamentals.

The NHS needs more money, if we keep paying for things like IVF, there may not be free NHS at all and we'll end up living the American dream. I sympathise with infertility, but people should try to fund the treatment independently.

OP, speaking as someone who battled infertility for 6 years I have nothing but sympathy.

The worst part for me was the feeling that I couldn’t ‘plan’. If I can’t have a baby, what’s the point in working for a house I’ll not be able to leave to a child. Am I better of just trying to enjoy the here and now? But I can’t, because I’m too heartbroken and battered by constant failure to conceive. I GET YOU.

No advice, just sympathy. My DH and I have spoken of people in your position so often lately. We’ll never forget that feeling and I just can’t imagine what it’s like in current circumstances.

Sending all the love to you

Very sorry for you OP, I do hope this passes and treatments get to resume.
I actually have zero issue with the nhs funding ivf. I do though find the debate that everyone has a right to procreate an interesting one, especially as equally as many people will argue children are a lifestyle choice. I can see both sides of the argument and while you are rightly extra sensitive to such comments, a person struggling to get the right mental health treatment for their child or care home care for their parent would think the money should be allocated somewhere else.
I’ve always been intrigued as to why private ivf is so ridiculously expensive! Lowering that could help ease the pressures I would think

Don’t post here. Come over to infertility. These have been a few of these threads and they’ve been absolutely awful.

You’re entitled to three attempts at IVF on the NHS. It must be so distressing to have this delayed - you’re not selfish for wanting to have the chance to have your own child. Ignore the negative comments and try to find your own peace whilst waiting - I doubt that posting here will help.

Although I haven’t experienced this myself I have watched my brother and his wife go through this heartbreaking journey, she has had three miscarriages the last one being a missed miscarriage at her 12 week scan.

They would make such amazing parents, but their treatment has also been put on hold and I can understand why. That doesn’t stop it from being a painful time for them.

As for the nhs not funding the treatment it’s my understanding that they do not endlessly fund treatment and there’s a long waiting list and many other hoops to jump through.

This also opens up the debate why should Nhs fund obesity and smoking related health diseases?

I am of the view that we are extremely fortunate to live in a country that has free healthcare and this should include a free round of ivf for sure!

So much sympathy for you op. people who pass those comments clearly had babies easy and never understand the pain.

Get this thread moved OP. There are posters who will come along to stomp all over it and tell you that certain bits of the NHS aren't necessary, but invariably stop at only fertility services. The argument is flawed though, because by that measure anything other than emergency life support and pain relief, everything else can be pretty disposable too. People just focus on this for some reason (not prosthetics, or vision, or wigs or dental care...).

Hope you can get back on track with it soon

@Moomin12345 you are so right. Personally I sympathise with people with mental health issues and depression but really they should look into funding it privately. Same with people who are obese or smokers they also should fund it privately. I mean realistically I don’t have any of those conditions so it’s fine to fund it privately as it doesn’t affect me and we don’t want to end up like the America.

Thank you I mean fair enough limit the criteria cap the number of attempts but to say don't give the chance at all is wrong in my opinion
I just think people under estimate the effect it has on your mental health infertility is not something that is easy to accept the NHS have spent money on counseling me and perscribing me anti depressants

I work full time I pay tax and national insurance I don't see it as scrounging

The NHS is struggling. If things need to be prioritised, this shouldn’t be in the shortlist. Save and improve existing lives rather than bring new lives in the world. Someone said ‘procreation is one of life’s fundamentals’ and people need to stop thinking that way.

The NHS needs more money, if we keep paying for things like IVF, there may not be free NHS at all

You could say this about so many of the services that the NHS provides. We all ‘make choices’ that put us at risk of injury or illness and could demand expensive NHS treatment, whether it’s driving, horse riding, skiing, smoking, drinking... if you start trying to casually categorise those ’deserving’ patients (I understand the NHS does do this to an extent but they hardly do it on the back of a fag packet) its going to get very tricky very quickly. I don’t see why IVF should be denied to people in the NHS for this reason.

I have every sympathy, but I do struggle with the NHS paying for it, but I don't honestly know what the solution is other then privately funded.

My sister has just had a her 1st and last baby through IVF - privately funded as her and her husband didn't qualify for NHS funding. Took them 10 years to save and one failed attempt, but it still cost the NHS a great deal of money (many extra scans and antenatal appointments on top of the norm, just because of the IVF) as her whole pregnancy was consultant led. She was signed off from the private clinic at 12 weeks.

I have a friend who was only ever eligible for one go.She was incredibly lucky and got her child. It really opened my eyes to the heartbreak of infertility.

I do believe there should be funding (but limited admittedly). I feel so sorry for the couples whose fertility treatment is currently on hold and hope they can assess the guidelines for those still eligible - for example, people getting close to the cut off in age - this should be extended for 12 months, in light of covid.

You have every right to feel angry at the comments. I hope that this period doesn't hinder your IVF journey too much.

People just focus on this for some reason (not prosthetics, or vision, or wigs or dental care...).

Are you seriously trying to compare IVF with providing someone with a prosthetic limb? Really??

Oh OP, I am so sorry :(

Why do people always compare ivf with treating people for obesity and smoking related issues ? Those are a choice ?
Infertility is beyond anyone’s control it’s not ‘self inflicted’ it could be a congenital issue, an infection or the result of cancer treatment it’s not the same as obesity/smoking related health problems
Also on that subject all the vitriol towards anyone who does have a smoking or obesity related issue but funny how you never get that towards people with for example sporting injuries or something like a broken leg from skiing something you could also argue is ‘self inflicted’ or a ‘choice’

Hope you can get this moved to infertility OP where you will get more sympathy x

I have every sympathy, as I wasn’t able to have children due to infertility. But during my childbearing years I lived in America and there was no option for me to do anything but pay for IVF. I think that’s the norm in many countries. It’s heartbreaking, but I really don’t believe I have a fundamental right to have a child.

I mean fair enough limit the criteria cap the number of attempts but to say don't give the chance at all is wrong in my opinion this is interesting, why should it be capped if it’s the right to have a child and assist with the disease. Genuine question

Save and improve existing lives rather than bring new lives in the world

Providing fertility treatment massively improved the lives of those of us stuck in this hell.

I have sympathy. But having a baby is not a right.

I don’t like the judgement against obese people in these debates. Usually obesity is caused by some trauma so again can be argued in terms of mental health underfunding.

It's cruel of people who know you are having IVF to say that to you. I don't think the NHS should fund IVF but wouldn't tell someone who's having it that, I'd keep those thoughts to myself.

I never understand why these arguments stick to IVF rather than other Comparable non-essential surgeries and procedures the NHS offers.

Oh wait, I remember, because it’s always fun to throw women under the bus

I bet people who get up on their high horse about the “cost” of IVF on the NHS didn’t feel an ounce of guilt for the cost to the NHS of bringing their “non-essential” child into the world.