To be annoyed at IVF comments

[Strawberryshortcake28]

My IVF was cancelled due to CV which although was devestating I completely agree and understand money and resources need to be better spent elsewhere

What I am annoyed about is the comments I have been hearing about how it shouldn't be available in the first place on the NHS and it is a waste of money

Infertility is a disease! Caused by all different health issues imagine not being able to have your own DC
Imagine trying every month and getting your hopes up for years and years to be disappointed month on month

Imagine watching all your friends have their dc and think you'll never get the chance and feeling like you have nothing in common anymore
Imagine waking up every Xmas or mother's day with no DC to spend it with

Infertility has been the hardest experience of my life and made me severely depressed IVF gives me hope .

Yes you can go private and pay for it yourself but not everyone is in the financial position a lot of couples spend thousands on treatment with no DC at the end the NHS could be their last hope give them one more shot
Yes adoption may be an option but not everyone can be approved or is it an easy process

Aibu to be angry ?

Do you really think IVF is going to be available on the NHS in the future??

Just one of the many changes to come....

people do like to say having a baby isn’t a ‘right’ and I’m always interested in where this list of ‘rights’ is as far as the NHS goes. Do you have a ‘right’ to antibiotics for an ear infection? Do you have a ‘right’ to physiotherapy after a car accident? Neither are strictly necessary.

I don’t think anyone actually wants to see an NHS run on the best principles of utilitarian medical ethics. I remember watching a documentary about the debate around treating very premature babies in NICU - there was an NHS manager basically saying if it was up to her she wouldn’t treat babies born at 23 weeks but unsurprisingly it wasn’t a popular opinion.

How bloody rude to compare it to diseases linked to obesity or smoking! In the majority of the cases, the infertility is not caused by something the patient has done.

@Strawberryshortcake28 I am completely with you. I’ve been there and absolutely get it. Don’t read the comments on this thread. Inevitably you’ll get all the ‘children aren’t a right’ and ‘just adopt’ crap that is so prevalent on mumsnet, surprisingly enough from people who’ve never had to fight to have children. Please ignore them and know that you are absolutely justified to feel how you feel.

Yabu theres certain drugs that are deemed too expensive on the nhs for cystitis fibrosis which would extend someone life. My 2 year old nephew would benefit from such a drug. Theres many cancer treatments not available due to budgets which could save lifes. The NHS is a valuable asset we are lucky to have we are the only country to have this everyone else pays through insurance.

I think obesity should be treated where children are concerned though

Snowflakes they indeed are cancelling appointments. The lady told me on the phone when I enquired, that all non-essential appointments were being cancelled. She didn’t know when they would resume.
I do wonder when things return to normal again if there will be another slash of nhs departments budgets due to the massive recession/depression we will have financially.

Maybe they will do away with fertility treatments full stop?

First of all OP, massive sympathy for you - infertility is shit.

The problem is that the NHS is unsustainable in its current form. It simply can't continue to meet the health needs of the population if things stay as they are (even if taxes rise and funding increases).

This is largely due to the far higher health costs associated with an ageing poulation.

So, changes will need to be made to the NHS. This may include some things not being covered that we would ideally like to have covered (IVF being one of these). Alternatively there will need to be some kind of point-of-service contribution.

I do think societal and sociocultural pressures saying people to have a great job and at least one MA, five years worth of bloody wages in the bank as savings and at least four bedrooms and have known their partner for at least ten years or you may as well be having a baby with a stranger, or don’t bother TTC until you can safely pay for private school or you’re completely reckless, or you ‘should travel as much as you can before you have kids!’ or whatever people say. I see it on here all the time. ‘Why are you having a baby when you don’t even own a home, you’re putting yourself in a precarious position!’ Etc...

So many of my female friends have waited and waited through living in the flat in London and it not being good enough for a child, no schools good enough nearby blah blah, and when they finally have their big house in the suburb with the grammar school catchment and the good job and the car and the big wedding too, they’re in there mid to late 30s with partners in their 40s and it’s not happening as fast and it’s heartbreaking for them.
Not saying just getting pregnant at 20 with the first fella you fall in love with is an amazing idea either but there has to be a middle ground.

Can we stop having a go at obese people- many suffer with trauma or depression- I am not talking about slightly overweight people but actually obese people.
Fact is alcohol related incidents probably cost the nhs the most, in a&e admissions alone. But alcohol is deemed more acceptable as you don’t look fat!

Maybe not a "disease" as such ,but mentally very wearing and distressing .For all of those saying it shouldnt be funded ,have they all got DC? If no help offered at all, potentially committing a woman to a childless life ?What if she has MH issues arising at least in part due to Infertility ,thats a long road of psycharitric care and /or Antidepressants which all cost money !

OP I totally agree but I'm not sure I would have posted this in AIBU.

Mumsnet is a site primarily for mums. Most people manage to have their babies the normal way without too much difficulty, and sometimes even those who took a little longer than average to get pregnant, or had one or two losses, can lack empathy. They have their children now and they just don't understand the trauma of infertility.

It really is totally fucking shit seeing everyone around you (including people who already have five kids they can't afford, people who smoke, drink to excess or do drugs, people who are obese and people who are just plain awful and will set a horrible example to their children) get pregnant quickly and easily and carry healthy babies to term when you can't, and you're sitting there every day wondering whether you will ever have a baby.

If you haven't been there, you can't possibly comprehend how awful it is. And most of these keyboard warriors on AIBU tutting about how there's no magic money tree and "what about the people with only one leg" haven't been there.

Also if children are a biological must why do so
many people say only have them if you can afford them to people who claim housing and benefits?

Your point is totally irrelevant other.

I can afford them. I just can’t get pregnant.

The difference between a broken leg from a sport is you fix the leg. IVF doesn’t fix the infertility it just gives you the hopefully desired outcome but it doesn’t fix or treat the condition. A gastric band unless abused gets people to a healthy weight and maintain so it fixes a health issue.

I think that’s where the grey area is. The nhs fixes people. Having a baby but still being infertile is not a fix it’s a plaster.

YNBU , some people cant understand becuase they have never had to suffer the pain and heartache of the thought of never having your own child. I have fertility issues, i have endometriosis and after numerous surgeries and trying ive been told its very unlikely i will fall pregnant naturally.

Unfortunately i dont qualify for IVF on the NHS which is another heartache of its own but i wholeheartedly sympathise.

Its not like your saying you should be prioritised your just rightfully saying your upset. The unpleasant comments about the fact it shouldnt be funded by the NHS are probably from people who have never had to experience this.

Ofcourse it should be funded. Infertility is not a choice !

All the best

Infertility is a disease!

No it’s not.

That's absolutely awful that people would say that.

Jim you need to do some research. Diabetes can be inherited it's not always down to lifestyle choice.

@Dyrne completely agree!

firsttimemum30 What an odd comparison, there are many diseases that don’t come close to suffering like cancer but that doesn’t make them not diseases?!?

OP - who is saying these things to you?

YANBU. I am very sorry that you have been placed in this dilemma, and am equally sorry for everyone else whose treatments have been delayed during the crisis. The NHS has to prioritise and restrict treatments but infertility is a condition like any other. The decision to offer IVF on the NHS was taken by NICE on the basis that it has to be a treatment that is effective for women under 40 and beneficial. I hope your treatment can start again soon strawberryshortcake28 and that it is successful.

I think IVF should be included in the NHS. However, with strict criteria such as not being over or below a certain age range, not having children already, only once etc

The difference between a broken leg from a sport is you fix the leg. IVF doesn’t fix the infertility it just gives you the hopefully desired outcome but it doesn’t fix or treat the condition. A gastric band unless abused gets people to a healthy weight and maintain so it fixes a health issue.

I think that’s where the grey area is. The nhs fixes people. Having a baby but still being infertile is not a fix it’s a plaster.

So is an awful lot of other medical treatment for people with chronic conditions. Would you deny someone treatment for diabetes or Parkinson's disease because the drugs are a plaster, not a fix? Would you deny someone who had had their leg amputated a prosthetic for the same reason?

Some medical treatment (like mending a broken leg) is aimed at fixing the problem. But a huge amount of medical treatment is aimed at improving the quality of life of people living with incurable conditions. Fertility treatment is far from unique in that respect.