How to respond to someone calling my DD horrible for not wanting to FaceTime?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

DD, 7, is popular but quite reserved at the same time. She's had her classmates and also her cousins wanting to FaceTime her a lot during lockdown and a lot of the time she hasn't been in the mood and said no.

Anyway one of her friends FaceTimed my iPad today for her. I was in the house (she was in the garden) so didn't hear it and she said she only answered because they rang 10 times (I checked, this is true). She answered and said she didn't want to talk to them and was busy, then hung up. Her friend has been in tears and her mum messaged me saying my DD is horrible and and has made her DC heartbroken.

I haven't responded and haven't spoken to DD as I do feel she shouldn't be made to speak to people she doesn't want to. How do I handle this?

I don't think your daughter did anything wrong. She obviously answered because she felt she had to after seeing the 10 missed calls, and said how she felt.

I have a 5 year old son who really struggles with video calling. He too, is what I would call popular but reserved. The fact that he is younger than your daughter doesn't matter - he much prefers face to face contact, doesn't like technology and is uncomfortable seeing people on the screen.

Your daughter is not horrible - and perhaps the other child's parent needs to teach her some boundaries about constantly calling someone.

I have a DS7, he has lots of zoom and FT chats and they are always arranged in advance via parents. I think atm, the assumption is nobody is busy and therefore everyone is available. I think she was a little blunt BUT, she was annoyed at being called ten times! Also, kids that age can be very literal, did she just mean she didn't want to talk at that particular time?

It's extremely rude of the 7yo friend to ring and ring ten times. That's the problem with today - we're all expected to be available all the time! 7 is too young for unsupervised access to FaceTime or similar.

Your dd's friend's mum is being daft. Just say that dd isn't comfortable talking on FaceTime, that she was doing something else and felt harassed that her friend called her ten times. Perhaps arrange a time for your dd to FaceTime her friend, if she wants to. But her friend's need to speak to dd does not trump dd's need not to speak to her friend!

Have a word with dd about being polite to our other ways she could have dealt with this - turning off iPad, telling you, turning volume down, etc.

I’m sure my adult who had ignored FaceTime that had rang 10 would answer the sameness as your dd. I don’t think your dd was rude, I 5ink probably frustrated.

Friend and her dd are over reacting big time.

She didnt want to chat on video, why should she. I hate facetime or similar. She shouldn't be pressured into using it if she doesnt want to.

Urghhhh the video calls are driving me INSANE!!!!

The other mother sounds the problem.

I had one of those to deal with. Take a step back. It's not you. Give the child a specific time to ring if it is convenient.

Jeezus, some people need to get a good dose of "Getagrip". If I'd've run to my mum every time a "friend" was horrible to me, my mum would have indubitably told me that I need to move on to other people. There is no way at all I would have wanted her to intervene (indeed I would have been utterly horrified if she had). Ignore the pathetic tiger mother and move on.

Why is telling someone you’re busy and don’t have time to face time, rude?

I don’t think the dd was rude. The other child was by calling ten times, and the mother just sounds batshit.

A grown adult told you to tell your 7 old she has been horrible! She is the one with the problem
At 7 I'm sure she didn't really mean to be horrible and they can be blunt and say things as it is at times and the 7 yr old calling probably wasn't aware calling 10 times isn't really appropriate either
When my son was 7 ish he got first iPod and FaceTimed my dad several times in the day and we had to explain that people were at work etc they don't fully understand
Maybe it's worth telling her friends parents that's she's not keen on FaceTime and would rather keep in contact by other means that she is more comfortable with ( not my favourite either )

It was rude of the friend to ring 10 times. It was rude of the mother to be mean about your daughter. I say bin them both off!!

I would also be replying to the mother with a not very polite reply she needs to get a grip a little . They are 7 years old .

The mother is a ride biatch.

However (and call me old fashioned here) but my 7yo doesn't FT anyone without it being OK'd and/or set up by me or dad.... this includes grandparents and cousins.

• rude

I would be a little bit wary of a mum like this. I knew a girl at school who could be quite nasty but was also pretty sensitive if anyone was nasty back. Her mother never believed she had done wrong but was very quick to tell other parents if their child had upset hers!

Lol what's a seven year old gunna be "busy" with though...some urgent potato-printing?!

It's WAY OTT from the other kid

I feel sorry for your DD, this would have been hell for me at that age.

Lol what's a seven year old gunna be "busy" with though...some urgent potato-printing?!

You can't think of anything a 7yo could be doing that meant they didn't want to be interrupted?

Watching a film? Eating? Getting to a good bit in a book? Talking to someone else? Painting?

Just because she's 7 doesn't mean her activities are so meaningless they should be dropped at the whim of another child

I would be annoyed if somebody tried to facetime my dd 10 times, if they don't answer after calling once or twice then they are obviously busy or don;t want to talk. Calling that many times is harrassing, I would probably say that to the other mother as well, how dare she call your dd horrible.

I know if someone called me that many times and I knew it was not an emergency I would be bloody annoyed.

Thanks all.

To clarify, the iPad is mine and the other girl rang off her mum's FaceTime to mine. She recognised the name and knew it would be her friend, I was inside doing dishes. DD doesn't have unsupervised access to FT and never calls anyone on FT (as she hates it!). We only usually do calls to gran who lives abroad.

Haven't heard from the other mum, I left it at 1 message. I've switched FT off for now.

I find it really odd how people think DD won't have friends when she goes back to school just because she didn't FaceTime or zoom them. What a load of tosh! It's a wonder how any of us managed to maintain friendships throughout school pre-FaceTime

I don't think your DD was rude at all and I would rip that mother a new one.
If somebody called me constantly 10 times I'd be picking up and telling them to piss off.

I'd like to see how the posters who think that OP is BU would react to someone calling them 10 times while they were doing something else?

We maintained friendships by seeing our friends regularly. Inviting them over, making plans with them, playing outside with them. When older, phoning them.

The point is that we made an effort, partly via our parents of course at that age, as everyone, of whatever age, does, with their friends.

Lol what's a seven year old gunna be "busy" with though...some urgent potato-printing?!

Really, @livefornaps? Reading, chilling out, writing a letter, drawing, playing, just didn't fancy talking???

It's totally up to your dd whether she wants to FT people. Sounds healthy that she doesn't want to be on the bloody iPad all the time! And good for her for standing up for herself.

DD used to have a friend who would do this - ring her constantly, even when she knew dd was busy/didn't want to be interrupted. It was harrassment.

Exactly @lyralalala, paddling in a pool may not be important in the grand scheme of things but it was what she was enjoying at that time, ergo important to her (though beginning to feel from this thread that the feelings of a 7yo are completely irrelevant)