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Original poster

How to respond to someone calling my DD horrible for not wanting to FaceTime?

227 replies

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/04/2020 16:32

DD, 7, is popular but quite reserved at the same time. She's had her classmates and also her cousins wanting to FaceTime her a lot during lockdown and a lot of the time she hasn't been in the mood and said no.

Anyway one of her friends FaceTimed my iPad today for her. I was in the house (she was in the garden) so didn't hear it and she said she only answered because they rang 10 times (I checked, this is true). She answered and said she didn't want to talk to them and was busy, then hung up. Her friend has been in tears and her mum messaged me saying my DD is horrible and and has made her DC heartbroken.

I haven't responded and haven't spoken to DD as I do feel she shouldn't be made to speak to people she doesn't want to. How do I handle this?

OP posts:
ivegonegreyfindingausername · 19/04/2020 17:57

I only got through page 1 and I'm disgusted that your all calling OP's child rude because she doesn't want to talk to another child who has rang constantly 10X! How would you all react to your friend ringing you back to back for nothing other than a chat when your doing other things? You might be more diplomatic, as an adult should, in telling that friend that you are busy but my guess is you would be quite pissed at the amount of calls.

OP I would let the other mum know that her child had rang multiple times but I wouldn't apologise as the constant calls shouldn't have been allowed to happen by the other child. I would ask in future that your daughter bring you the ipad if she doesn't want to answer as you can then tell the other child that now is not a good time. saves you getting messages.

lottiegarbanzo · 19/04/2020 17:57

Both girls were rude, both because they haven't yet been taught to be polite. The polite but firm rebuff is a really important social skill.

Saying 'I don't want to talk to you', rather than 'I don't want to talk just now, let's speak another time', was unkind.

I don't think 7yos understand that friendships have to be worked on, that it takes effort to maintain them. That if you don't bother, people will find other friends. When they see each other at school all the time, that need just doesn't arise with a lot of their friends.

SharonasCorona · 19/04/2020 17:58

If someone called me 10 times I would be similarly blunt in telling them I don’t want to talk!

it’s really sad the way girls are conditioned from such a young age to please and please and please others

Totally agree.

iklboo · 19/04/2020 17:59

Doesn't bejng a friend sometimes mean being there for them when you don't fancy it or is the current generation of kids really being taught that what they want comes first every time?

They're SEVEN. It's not like she needed a handhold after a traumatic break up? And how doesn't this logic apply to the child who called TEN TIMES to get 'what she wanted first every time'?

chocatoo · 19/04/2020 18:00

I guess you have to think about how you and your daughter would feel if the boot was on the other foot. Other Mum is upset because her daughter is upset, and that's normal. Your DD was rude - don't be surprised if the other girl isn't so keen to be friendly. I tend to err on the side that it is better to teach your daughter to be gracious and kind.
Leave the ipad on silent and respond a few hours later saying sorry not been looking at electronics.

boireannach · 19/04/2020 18:01

Really ,Really a bunch of adult women calling a 7 year old child rude for being overwhelmed in a world that is different, new, and scary ! What a great bunch you are, lets hope that non of you are parents.
Glummy your daughter reacted in a way that was right for her at the time, shes only 7 and no doubt struggling to make sense of this as much as the rest of us. Try to make as many opportunities as possible for her to talk about how shes feeling and reassure her. Socialising with others is a skill that can be worked on later. I wish you and your daughter well. Flowers

onegirlandherdog · 19/04/2020 18:02

Your DD doesn't have to speak to people if she doesn't wan't. Some people prefer less company. Maybe just have a chat with her about how to politely put boundaries in place.

However. I think girls are often under more pressure to be 'polite' and accommodating - I'd say it's also good for her to learn that she doesn't have to be 'nice' and accommodating. Also her fried probably needs to learn that of someone doesn't answer their phone/ipad, then send one or tow messages and then then stop!

SharonasCorona · 19/04/2020 18:03

It’s also rude to call someone 10 times!

Nottherealslimshady · 19/04/2020 18:04

Both children were rude.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 19/04/2020 18:07

OP, your daughter was just being honest. Ten calls on the bounce would piss me right off and your dd was fine to say she didn’t want to talk and was busy.

I wouldn’t dignify the other parent with a response. Ignore it and also don’t talk to your dd about being more tactful - she was being harassed and so her responses was appropriate.

lyralalala · 19/04/2020 18:07

The other mother didn't realise how often her DD had called? Why does a 7 year old have unsupervised access to the internet?

Your DD acted like a 7yo. The other mother doesn't that excuse.

I know you said the low-level bullying from last year is water under the bridge, but being honest, that's not a friendship I'd be actively encouraging. That's a parent that's going to get involved in every squabble and never see her DD doing wrong by the sounds of it

Amotherof6 · 19/04/2020 18:10

These are children of 7 years old.
Some of the comments - just wow
Both parents need to chat with children - one to say if someone doesn't answer not to keep calling and that 10 times is too much. The other to say that there are better ways of responding. The parents need to sort this and guide the children. Children work better with guidance and prompting...
Stop with all the rude comments. The children learn from what they see. Interesting how some on here comment about how rude 7 year old children are completely ignoring how they talk to others

daisypond · 19/04/2020 18:13

The other mother has behaved badly here. Doesn’t know her seven year old was calling ten times, harassing someone? And then called them rude? I think you’ve handled it correctly. Isn’t FaceTime for age 13 and up? There’s a reason for that. Seven year olds need supervision for this sort of thing.

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 19/04/2020 18:14

It's not only girls who are taught to be polite fgs. Hmm
I've had to have the exact same conversations with DS about how to end calls, how to rebuff calls, etc. No-one needs to talk if they don't want to but there's no excuse for being rude about it.

MsTSwift · 19/04/2020 18:19

You do need to teach the white lie though. “Sorry we are busy this afternoon let’s catch up tomorrow” instead of “I don’t feel like talking to you”. Life lesson

WonderWebbs · 19/04/2020 18:21

Your daughter was a little abrupt but the other Mother's reaction is totally over the top. Some one further up this thread posted 'why did the other girl's Mother not know that her child had called your daughter 10 times'. Her 7 year old should not have unsupervised access to an ipad.

I thought that year 6 was bad enough with some girls falling out on social media, for the parents who allowed this technology way earlier than necessary/legally.

Leaannb · 19/04/2020 18:23

That child was not in any stretch of the imagination rude. She answered and said she didn't want to talk because she was busy. Nothing wrong with that. Being busy is not rude

notangelinajolie · 19/04/2020 18:24

This girl sounds like the modern day equivalent of a friend I had at primary school. She was forever knocking on the door wanting to play out. She couldn't bear not having a friend to play with whereas I was a quiet child and was happy on my own reading a book. I was a people pleaser and I didn't know to say no to her. Sad really, sometimes she would knock and I'd pretend to be asleep so that my mum would tell her I was too tired to play. Her mum got involved too. She soon got bored of me when we moved onto different secondary schools.

No point in engaging in any more messages with the mum. She will never see how her daughter was being annoying or how calling your daughter 'horrible' is not ok.

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 19/04/2020 18:26

The OP is hardly in a position to criticise unsupervised access to an iPad when the OP wasn't supervising her 7-yr-old's access either. Neither of the parents knew about the 10 calls until one of the DCs ended up upset.

MsTSwift · 19/04/2020 18:26

Wonder I think that’s a little harsh. Most parents have been forced over the last month to adjust their old rules on technology I bet op and the other mother aren’t thrilled about their 7 year olds using it but only option atm to keep links going 🙄

Bubbletrouble43 · 19/04/2020 18:27

Ringing someone repeatedly when theyre not answering is more rude in my book.

Rosebel · 19/04/2020 18:30

I still think your daughter is risking her friendships because you said a lot of the time she doesn't want to talk to anyone. That's up to her but don't be surprised if her friends decide not to bother with her.
They neither of the girls (or any 7 year old) should be using an iPad unsupervised.
As for the other mum I'd ignore her.

cacaca · 19/04/2020 18:31

Imagine this was flipped the other way - my daughter called her friend 10 times and friend eventually picked up and didn’t want to talk. Doubt you’d all be calling a 7 year old nasty and rude then would you. Some absolute horrors on this thread.

Jaxhog · 19/04/2020 18:32

I don't think she was horrible at all! Calling someone repeatedly is horrible (and bullying). I have one or two 'friends' who do this. We (DH and I) refer to them as my 'stalkers'. No-one should feel they're on call to anyone.

Maybe you can teach her to just not answer if she doesn't want to speak to the caller. A useful life lesson.

MsTSwift · 19/04/2020 18:32

Rosebel it seems to me that those that aren’t bothered by friendships and are cool and independent remain in demand. It’s the clingy needy kids that seem to lack friends.

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