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Original poster

How to respond to someone calling my DD horrible for not wanting to FaceTime?

227 replies

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/04/2020 16:32

DD, 7, is popular but quite reserved at the same time. She's had her classmates and also her cousins wanting to FaceTime her a lot during lockdown and a lot of the time she hasn't been in the mood and said no.

Anyway one of her friends FaceTimed my iPad today for her. I was in the house (she was in the garden) so didn't hear it and she said she only answered because they rang 10 times (I checked, this is true). She answered and said she didn't want to talk to them and was busy, then hung up. Her friend has been in tears and her mum messaged me saying my DD is horrible and and has made her DC heartbroken.

I haven't responded and haven't spoken to DD as I do feel she shouldn't be made to speak to people she doesn't want to. How do I handle this?

OP posts:
WhatExit · 19/04/2020 18:33

Did she really call your daughter horrible? Or did she say it was a horrible thing to do? Either way I’m shocked that anyone would actually say that to you about your child!! That is VERY extreme, at least in my circle.

Your DD was rude yes, but not “horrible”!

poppinpink · 19/04/2020 18:34

My DS is also 7 and has not been interested in talking to any of his pals through FaceTime. I don't think it's a big deal and it's not going to affect any of his relationships. They're only young! Just be honest with the mum and say it makes your daughter feel weird/ anxious or whatever?! Maybe your DD could write her friend a letter?

MrsHardbroom · 19/04/2020 18:37

I don't think your daughter was rude, just seven and honest. And I also think it's a healthy thing that she has the confidence to not feel obliged to please others. Girls are often brought up to acquiesce and be pleasers. The other mother needs to wind her neck in

Redwinestillfine · 19/04/2020 18:38

Just apologise and be honest. Say you have spoken to her about coming across as rude and that she hadn't realised that's how it came across as she's just 7. Explain also that the girl had called 10 times in a row and dd panicked and didn't know how to respond because she didn't want to talk at that moment in time. Explain that you've spoken to her about how to let people down gently in future. Hopefully the Mum will realise she's been a dick and that her dd isn't blameless either.

nowaitaminute · 19/04/2020 18:42

I do think you need to teach her how to politely refuse a conversation OP as that is just a life skill as such.

But in saying that I know what it's like to have a child who doesn't want to speak on the phone my 7 yr old DD is the same...although none of her friends have tried to face time her (or each other for that matter!) so we haven't got that pressure.

MadameMeursault · 19/04/2020 18:46

What??? Your daughter was not rude at all. Why are people saying that? Her friend was rude, calling 10 times and not getting the message. Your DD shouldn’t be forced to talk to someone when she doesn’t want to. And at the tender age of 7 she dealt with it the best way she could. Good for her for being brave enough to say no. A valuable lesson to learn for life.

LizzyButton · 19/04/2020 18:48

I find facetime etc. intrusive, especially when out of the blue. I don't just hate it. I LOATHE IT. Thankfully I've managed to get my message across to family and friends without too many fireworks, but then I'm a little over 4 times your daughter's age.

It may be that not everybody in your tale has behaved perfectly, but these are stressful times. Encourage your daughter to be tactful and polite. Be supportive of her drawing lines when it comes to privacy. Try to be diplomatic and not confrontational with other mum.

Healthyandhappy · 19/04/2020 18:50

Shouldn't be giving numbers out at 7 years old

asprinklingofsugar · 19/04/2020 18:52

I don't think your daughter was rude at all. Perhaps a little abrupt, but that's not necessarily the same as being rude. She said she didn't want to talk as she was busy which seems more than acceptable to me. She didn't say I don't want to talk to you, she said I don't want to talk because [insert reason here]. She gave a reasonable excuse for not wanting to talk at that time. It's not that different from something an adult would say if they didn't want to talk - it's just we'd normally say I can't talk right now as I'm busy, instead of I don't want to. But she's 7 so you've got to give her a bit of leeway!

I can't believe the other mother not only called her horrible but wanted you to tell her that. How unkind! And the friend's mother is a hypocrite as well it seems.

Just FYI it is possible to turn FaceTime off - just go into settings, select FaceTime and toggle off. This could be a solution in future if your daughter doesn't want to talk to anyone. It can easily be turned on again if she changes her mind, or you're calling family using it etc

WonderWebbs · 19/04/2020 18:57

@MsTSwift Was i being too harsh about the ipad? I have a teen and she didn't have access to phone/laptop until year 7 and even then she knew I would do random checks on messages and search history. I personally wouldn't want a 7 year old being able to access an ipad to either make a call or click on the Internet. God that makes me sound a real oldie! I do appreciate that modern technology is a godsend for schooling at this time. I just assumed that this would be supervised for primary school children.

SpillTheTea · 19/04/2020 18:58

It sounds like the mother is the one being horrible and a major drama queen. Yes your DD could have worded it better, but equally her friend shouldn't be harassing her and just accept she didn't want to talk at that moment.

NotSoGoodFaith · 19/04/2020 18:59

Neither kids was especially rude. They are 7 and so neither of them behaved like a grown up. One was too blunt, one called way too much. They are little kids using technology meant for much older people in an unsupervised way.

What IS rude, is a grown woman calling your daughter horrible and telling you to pass it on. I cannot imagine someone saying that to me, and me not addressing it.

TheMandalorian · 19/04/2020 19:00

To be honest neither girl is old enough to use facetime/ mobiles/ social media unattended. Set up some appropriate restrictions

Blah1881 · 19/04/2020 19:02

I think the other mum is over identifying with her daughter, and is CF to call your daughter ‘horrible’. Yes your daughter needs a quick word about managing awkward situations like that without hurting someone’s feelings, but the other girl also needs a word about being overly needy and pushy, and respecting boundaries. Not every kid is going to be up for face timing- jeez I hate it myself. And as for returning to school friendless as some have suggested- give over! At age 7 they have the memory of a goldfish. On an average school day they will be negotiating many social dilemmas and learning to resolve their own disputes

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/04/2020 19:05

I don’t always answer the phone if I am busy .

If my friends called me 10 times I would be blunt.

I think a lot of posters are missing the point they are 7. About as much as I would do would to give a less blunt way to reply but other than that do nothing . If it was my 7 year old ringing 10 times I would be telling her that is not ok , ring and leave a text if necessary

QuinceSavedMyLife · 19/04/2020 19:05

The kids are only 7 and just need a bit of guidance in how to handle things. The mother was rude.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 19/04/2020 19:06

it’s really sad the way girls are conditioned from such a young age to please and please and please others

Yep, we are always telling girls to assert themselves but obviously not with other girls? They must only be allowed to express an opinion when the other party has a penis!

Cherrysoup · 19/04/2020 19:07

The other girl shouldn’t have tried 10 times, that’s ridiculous. The mother was unfortunate saying that about the OP’s dd, it was unnecessary.

CruCru · 19/04/2020 19:09

What’s weird about this is that the other mum is prepared to quarrel with the OP over this (and keep it going).

Time to stop responding to her I think.

Oohmegooliebird · 19/04/2020 19:11

I think some posters are forgetting the child in question is only 7. I don't think she was rude. She was being 7 and honest. My 6 nearly 7 year old would probably do the same. I think she is quite overwhelmed by all the face timing and zoom chats.

lowlandLucky · 19/04/2020 19:17

Your DD was rude as was the other child for calling 10 times, they are both learning about the ways of the world. My DGD would go the whole summer holiday without speaking to her friends if she could but it was explained to her when she was younger that it was up to her if she didnt want to contact them for weeks on end but she shouldnt be suprised if come September none of her friends wanted to know her. Your DD needs to learn that relationships and friendships need to nurtured.

Branleuse · 19/04/2020 19:22

My dd wont talk on the phone, even to family. She is happy to text message, but never phone. Its kind of rude but its up to her

CatteStreet · 19/04/2020 19:25

'it’s really sad the way girls are conditioned from such a young age to please and please and please others'

This. I'd love to wipe everyone's memory of the thread Grin then post it again with the OP's child a boy and see how people respond. She was blunter than it's ideal to be, but the other mother is being absolutely ridiculous. She should have acknowledged her daughter's upset but then moved her along out of it, rather than indulging it and making your dd's actions into some terrible insult.

MsTSwift · 19/04/2020 19:30

Wonder I wouldn’t let mine have phones or internet connections either until year 6 but in the current global pandemic these poor kids aren’t able to kick about in the playground anymore so berating parents for letting them communicate via tech so young seems a little unfair in these circumstances.

billy1966 · 19/04/2020 19:37

I think the mother is the horrible one here.

Both girls are very young to be using Face Time.

Your daughter has every right to refuse to engage with FT if she'd rather not.

After 10 repeated calls she may have been a little abrupt, but she certainly wasn't rude.

The 10 calls was very annoying.

I would not want my child within 100 yards of that woman, calling your child horrible, asking you to tell her that she thought she was horrible...wtf...and then arguing the point.

What normal adult behaves like that?

She sounds ghastly.....

I would avoid like the plague.

She has Drama written all over her.

Your daughter sounds lovely.

FT is a complete PITA....I can absolutely understand people not wanting to do it.

She's a very young child to be sujected to that type of social pressure.

Too young IMO.

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