Aibu..boyfriend stuff in lock down

[Yetanothernamechange1234]

Am I being a dick? My bf is nor my daughters father. He has 2 kids he barely sees (one night a week usually but only 1 hour a week now with lock down) hes grumpy I'm spending all my time teaching my daughter. I also cook him big breakfast everyday and cook dinner every night. Am I being unreasonable to want some help? All.he does everyday is watch tv, doesnt help with cleaning or washing up. He doesnt ever brush his teeth and wears sane socks for a week despite having clean ones.

I'm really really struggling now. Hes promising things will change but then shouting at me that I keep harping on about the past. Called me the c word a few times then demanded to come over. I've said no. I dont know what to do or who to talk to.

Just block his number. Voila no more messages.

@Bringringbring12 dammit, I should have called it. What's your house like?

OP: he's trying to get back at you whatever way he can. He tries to be nice and when that doesn't work, he turns nasty.

I'd send him one last message and then block him. I'd also get the keys back from him. Keep a key in the lock and spend some time with your DD.

* I dont know what to do or who to talk to.*

Op

Stop thinking about yourself. Just stop it.

Think about your daughter. Would you want her to be with someone like this. Do you want her to be around someone like this.

Although I don’t know why I’m bothering because it’s set in stone.

I don’t think my husband of 10 years ever called me the c world. Honestly, this is not normal, it is abusive. Please do not pick up the phone or open the door to him. He is not a nice person at all.

The last message should be “do not contact me again”, once you have said those magic words you are one step nearer to police protection/non molestation order than if you don’t.

Adding to what someone else said above, do not teach your kids that such kind of relationship is normal and what is expected, teach them self respect by staying away.

Forget about the keys he can always have a copy made, change the locks (you can order them online and change it yourself) but while you do that, keep the key in the door to avoid finding him inside the house.

Cheat
Coke dealer
Not very interested in his own kids
Jealous of time you spend with your kid
Doesn't cook or clean
Disgusting table manners
Poor hygiene

Yet you've said this: "Explained I need more help if hes going to be here and I cant deal with the hygiene issues and especially the drug stuff."

Which isn't breaking up with him / ending it... it's just telling him you want more than he's giving you now.

You don't know what to do? Even though all of the above is true and he's now called you a cunt and a shit mum?

I'll tell you what to do.

Stop thinking about yourself and your sadness because at the moment it's doing no good. Think about your daughter and about the example you're setting her if you don't absolutely cut this man off today by blocking him.

Or do you want her in 20 years to be with someone who does all of the above and then calls her a cunt and a shit mum?

You've made incredibly bad decisions to do with this man before (staying with him despite his flaws and him cheating multiple times) and I'm afraid "but I love the bugger" isn't really good enough when you're a mum.

He's called you a shit mum. Show him you're not by telling him no more contact, his stuff is outside the door but you won't be speaking further and will be blocking him and that any calls etc will now be treated as harassment.

Seriously, put your daughter first FFS.

I agree with PP that you need to send a very clear and hard text saying....

"it's over. We're done. Finished. Your belongings are in a bag on the doorstep, to be collected by 8pm tonight, please post your key through the letterbox when you collect your belongings. If you don't collect your items they will be deposited in the bin. Do not contact me again".

If he kicks off when he collects his stuff call the police. Do not engage with him.

Put your DD and yourself first, always.

You do know what to do.

Tell him his clothes are outside.

Ask for your keys back through the door.

Block him.

Set your standards higher next time and find someone who deserves to be loved.

I wouldn’t be letting this man within 100m of my daughter.
Neither should you.
Think about her not you

Yep.you are all right. I'm at end of tether and contemplating ending it all. My daughter gone to my mums tonight as I can't cope. I had a breakdown few years ago so my parents and i have a joint custody arrangement so she is allowed to go between us both during lockdown.cant carry on

Hey, what you have done is quite courageous, not everybody lives a perfect existence, some people may find difficult to understand how did you allow things to happen as they are not living your life.

You are a good mum, and are stronger than you think, you have put your child and yourself first, it may feel a bit of a shock but that’s the way it needs to be. Please don’t judge yourself too harshly, turn off that phone and try to distract yourself watching TV or doing other stuff. Thinking too much about this right now is something you don’t need to do. It is done, things will look brighter tomorrow, and much better as time goes by. 💐

Have you told your Mum what is going on?

Maybe you need to go and stay there and be 'one household' for now.

Lock down isn't intended to stop people getting the help they need.

This guy is a loser.

What you need to realise is that LOVE is a verb & a choice.

He's not worthy of your love.

Whatever it is you feel, it's not actually a healthy love & he certainly doesn't love you, no matter what he SAYS. Not because you're not loveable, but because he only cares about himself, getting HIS needs met,

He's a drug dealing, lazy, stinky, selfish waste of space.

Your DD doesn't love 'him' she loves 'silly games' & 'days out'. She can have that with you & others in the future. She'll have a tucked up life if you stay with this twat.
She'll probably be upset when you tell her because SHE doesn't know any better but you wouldn't give her anything else seriously bad for her just because she wants it (drugs/alcohol). YOU are the adult here. YOU are her Mum, it's your job to protect her from men like this!!

Agree with going to stay with your parents for the time being. This is ok, even Priti Patel has said that victims of domestic abuse (it doesn’t need to be all about physical violence) should feel free to go and find refuge wherever the support is.

Thank you. Thank you for your lovely words. Literally saved my life and that's not exagerating. This was my reaching out for help and I so appreciate it.

Yes, please do go and stay with your mum.

I'd go to your mum's too. Be around "your people" and be safe and happy

Would I be correct in thinking that you didn’t also go to your parents with your daughter because he’s coming around?

Please go to your mums too so you're all together and you aren't home alone. Please

Aside from all the other stuff, I would ditch based solely on not cleaning teeth.

Prioritise your precious daughter and ditch him.

Don’t let you daughter see you throw your self respect away to this excuse of a man.

"I needed to hear that" seems to be the phrase of the moment. Why did you need to hear strangers tell you this disgusting, lazy, jealous, cheating, coke dealing twat needs to be out of your house for your child's sake never mind yours? You should be able to realise this is a stupid relationship to be in.