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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu..boyfriend stuff in lock down

197 replies

Yetanothernamechange1234 · 19/04/2020 03:49

Am I being a dick? My bf is nor my daughters father. He has 2 kids he barely sees (one night a week usually but only 1 hour a week now with lock down) hes grumpy I'm spending all my time teaching my daughter. I also cook him big breakfast everyday and cook dinner every night. Am I being unreasonable to want some help? All.he does everyday is watch tv, doesnt help with cleaning or washing up. He doesnt ever brush his teeth and wears sane socks for a week despite having clean ones.

OP posts:
Pippinsqueak · 19/04/2020 08:45

Why would it be completely normal OP?

He has somewhere to go, you can now tell him to go back to his parents, look at the new reasons people can leave the house.

How long have you been together ?

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 19/04/2020 08:45

This must be a wind up surely? Nobody would have such a low opinion of themselves to stay with a man like this?

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 19/04/2020 08:46

People are allowed to move house in the lockdown. Throw him out and never look back.

caramac04 · 19/04/2020 08:46

What can I add to previous comments? It’s all there, your bf is not worthy of you and your daughter, he needs to shape up or ship out. Frankly he’s unlikely to change and you deserve better. Get him out ASAP.

Tunnocks34 · 19/04/2020 08:47

Not the point but why waste your time on a man who won’t even step up for properly for his own child.

SlowDown76mph · 19/04/2020 08:48

Send him home to mummy and daddy. Lockdown has done you a favour by enabling you to quickly see exactly how he behaves 'normally'. You don't need this in your life, nor does your daughter.

Heismyopendoor · 19/04/2020 08:49

He can leave. There are no rules saying he must stay with you. So pack up his stuff and tell him to go back to his parents place

Bluewater1 · 19/04/2020 08:51

You deserve so much better OP. Show him the door

Pippinsqueak · 19/04/2020 08:53

He needs to be kicked back to his mum who needs to teach him responsibility and self hygiene. That's not your job and it's certainly not your daughters position to be in either.

Nothing to think about OP, tell him how you feel, say you need some space and he needs to move back with his parents, then cut all ties once he's there

MotherOfAllNameChanges · 19/04/2020 08:56

Gross.

pictish · 19/04/2020 08:56

I bet his parents don’t cook him a ‘big breakfast’ every morning. Why the hell do you?

Imboredinthehouse · 19/04/2020 08:56

He doesnt ever brush his teeth and wears sane socks for a week

Envy
Original poster
Yetanothernamechange1234 · 19/04/2020 08:57

Love the bugger though. Weve been together 2 years (and hes cheated on me 3 times with the same person) my daughter loves him.

OP posts:
BertiesLanding · 19/04/2020 08:59

Your boyfriend isn't the only problem here, OP. You are.

Ginfordinner · 19/04/2020 09:00

Why on earth did you think this was normal behaviour?

You need to set your bar higher. Get some self respect and kick him out. He sounds gross.

Ellisandra · 19/04/2020 09:00

Yes you’re being a dick.
What part of you thought that choosing a man who doesn’t give a fuck about his own kids, would be the perfect man to introduce to your child? 🤨
Seriously?

In vague order of reasons to dump:

  • he doesn’t care about you
  • he’s a shit father
  • he’s cheated on you repeatedly
  • he’s lazy
  • he’s dirty

Your daughter will get over it.
Unless you actually WANT her to get early training in “how to love an arsehole”? Is this what you want for her life too?

fuckinghellthisshit · 19/04/2020 09:00

Fgs op please take a long hard look at this situation.
Does he work? Pay his way?

Mrscaptainraymondholt · 19/04/2020 09:01

Would you be happy for your daughter to stay in such a relationship when she is older? If not then why are you now teaching her that this is normal?

Get rid of him and spend time on loving yourself and having more respect for yourself. It’s okay to be single and be picky as to whom who share your life with

TatianaBis · 19/04/2020 09:03

Do you actually love someone who doesn’t wash and cheats on you? Or are you just desperate?

I’d send him back to his parents for good. I can’t see what he’s bringing to your life.

Thehop · 19/04/2020 09:03

Jesus Christ OP. Please don’t teach your dd that this is how women behave.

Send him back to his Parents quick. Then do the freedom programme and set your bar higher.

ChristmasFluff · 19/04/2020 09:03

You are so unreasonable - for having such a lack of self-love and self-respect.

Send him to the woman he keeps cheating on you with.

Surely you believe you deserve more than this horrible man? This isn't love, because he clearly doesn't love you, and there is nothing about him that would provoke love in you - it's more a dependency on his squalid presence.

Remember you are modelling what it is to be a woman to your daughter. How will you feel when she ends up with someone just like him, and calls it love?

Original poster
Yetanothernamechange1234 · 19/04/2020 09:04

He works hard usually and yes he pays his way... he just told me he deals Coke. Fucks sake.im an idiot. I want a hug from my mum.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 19/04/2020 09:04

What a great role model you are for your daughter Hmm

She will grow up thinking that all men are like this, and accept the low standards in a partner that you do. How can you not see that this is not OK? He will continue to treat you like trash because you allow it.

ScarletFever · 19/04/2020 09:05

Wow, set your sights a little higher than the gutter. Seriously. I hope you dont intend to have more children with him, hes shown you who he is, why dont you listen??

@Purpleartichoke

It is reasonable for him not to help with your daughter, but he isn’t doing the work for his own care. That is a huge problem.

no its really not reasonable for him not to help with OPs daughter. He is part of the household, as is her daughter, I'm not saying he should father her daughter, but he should help out.

MumW · 19/04/2020 09:05

Love the bugger though. Weve been together 2 years (and hes cheated on me 3 times with the same person) my daughter loves him
If this thread is for real, then you really need to set your standards higher.

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