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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu..boyfriend stuff in lock down

197 replies

Yetanothernamechange1234 · 19/04/2020 03:49

Am I being a dick? My bf is nor my daughters father. He has 2 kids he barely sees (one night a week usually but only 1 hour a week now with lock down) hes grumpy I'm spending all my time teaching my daughter. I also cook him big breakfast everyday and cook dinner every night. Am I being unreasonable to want some help? All.he does everyday is watch tv, doesnt help with cleaning or washing up. He doesnt ever brush his teeth and wears sane socks for a week despite having clean ones.

OP posts:
TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 19/04/2020 09:05

I don’t mean to be rude OP, but having a man just to serve his needs is not a proper relationship. Proper relationships are about team work, if he is not doing his part what’s the point of having him around? Some men (and many women as well) just latch to a more responsible hardworking person to reap benefits in exchange of “being lovely”, don’t be one of them, find someone that pulls his weight or go alone (much easier to deal with 2 kids alone than with 3 kids and a lazy man)

Intothefuture · 19/04/2020 09:06

Oh, now he’s a cheat and a drug dealer.

Pippinsqueak · 19/04/2020 09:07

Ok it's twenty years into the future, your daughter comes at you with the same problem.

What will you tell her

"It's ok to settle for second best, to be used and cheated on, put at risk of STD, to be valued and as worthless and treated like a skivy, to be made to wait in him hand on foot and live with a dirty bastard"

Or

"You may love him but you've wasted two years of your life with him and things haven't changed, you need to be strong and make the change, for your sake and your daughters, you are worth more and you deserve more"

Your choice will affect how she views relationships in the future

Boireannachlaidir · 19/04/2020 09:08

Your daughter loves him? Despite the fact he's jealous of your time with her. Do you and your daughter have a sense of smell? Unbrushed teeth and stinky socks is quite the combination.

HIllaria · 19/04/2020 09:09

Oh, now he’s a cheat and a drug dealer

My thoughts precisely, @Intothefuture

pictish · 19/04/2020 09:09

Oh I see. It’s a ‘pick me’ tactic.

He’s sitting pretty knowing you’ll put up him cheating with the same person throughout the duration of your two year relationship.
You’re even prepared to compete with her to win him.

So...yeah. He’s got it in the bag already. No effort required.

LegArmpits · 19/04/2020 09:11

Haha good one

Original poster
Yetanothernamechange1234 · 19/04/2020 09:11

Thank you. Needed to hear this. Don't tell my best friend most of it because I wanted her to still like him (and she lives in Brazil now so we dont see her). My daughter thinks my bf is a hero because he does play silly games with her and in non lockdown times he takes us to brilliant places I couldnt take her on my own (i cant drive). Hes gone back to his parents today and I need a big think.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 19/04/2020 09:14

Right, well that’s him got rid of for three weeks - ISN’T IT ?
So that’s a nice help to start your cold turkey.

timetest · 19/04/2020 09:15

So he’s out of your house for now. Don’t let him back in.

Cnoc · 19/04/2020 09:16

There really isn’t anything to have a ‘big think’ about, OP. Either you’re fine with a filthy, congenitally-unfaithful drug dealer being in your child’s life, or you’re not.

Ginfordinner · 19/04/2020 09:17

Pack anything that he has left behind and leave it on the doorstep for him to collect. As you are in lockdown he can't come back to see you anyway.

Beansandcoffee · 19/04/2020 09:17

Why are you with him OP?

What does he bring to the relationship?

I think you would be happier without him.

Chocrock · 19/04/2020 09:18

Yuk. Grim. Get rid of him.

Beansandcoffee · 19/04/2020 09:19

National Express and local buses visit some nice places too if you can’t drive.

madcatladyforever · 19/04/2020 09:22

Have you sunk so low that you need to ask if you are being unreasonable?

Cheerbear23 · 19/04/2020 09:23

Well there’s your reason right there, you can’t have your DD living in the same house as a drug dealer, end of story. Dump him right now.

StuckInnTheMiddle · 19/04/2020 09:24

Oh ffs op

Original poster
Yetanothernamechange1234 · 19/04/2020 09:25

Thank you all. Think this is what I needed to hear. My daughter is going to be gutted, her real.father hasn't ever met her and my bf is the first bloke I've ever introduced her to (and she only met him after we had been together a year)

OP posts:
Boireannachlaidir · 19/04/2020 09:27

You're bored aren't you OP?

Zhuleva · 19/04/2020 09:29

Well, he sounds absolutely useless and revolting to boot.

If you saw someone on a dating app who described themselves as 'never helps, doesn't brush teeth or change socks' would you swipe right or left?

Get rid of this lump - you can do much better.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/04/2020 09:30

Good on you. Better for your dd to be gutted now than to learn this is how a man and partner should act.

DollyDaydream70 · 19/04/2020 09:30

I hope you don't snog him with those manky teeth!

Original poster
Yetanothernamechange1234 · 19/04/2020 09:31

Not sure why you think I'm bored. I'm waiting for my dd to wake up but been up and cleaning for hours. I wish I was bored enough to make this crap up then it wouldnt be real and i wouldnt be hurting.

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 19/04/2020 09:32

Well until the cheating, drug dealing updates, it was sounding like parenting my 9yo with SNs more than a relationship.

He was using you as a cheap B&B.
You were using him for a car.

Children are far better off without a "father figure" than experiencing lazy, cheating deadbeats.