To think this is abnormal or is it totally normal..

[Tjsmumma]

Hi,

My DD is 4 months tomorrow so 17 weeks.

EBF, loves me to absolute pieces and im sure she loves DF as well but, she just does not settle for him, he can't get her to sleep (she boobs to sleep) i cant be out the room for more than 5 minutes without her getting not upset but aggy, and shouting out 'ma ma' for me, she can be in an absolute state for him, but, as soon as i return and she sees me, she stops instantly and smiles.

Obviously, this makes him feel awful, so, i think he sort of expects it and im not sure if she feeds of this or what, but, it's really getting me down.

I feel like, if i can't even leave her with him for an hour or even while i do dinner, when all this is over how on earth am i going to go out or do anything without her? Not saying i want to or anything like that, but, obviously every mum needs space.

I've seen mums i know, more FF babies but some BF babies be left within the first 12 weeks, without seemingly no problems, maybe there was but i dont know.

I'm not really sure what the point to this post is other than to ask, AIBU to think this is abnormal and wanting her to be able to settle for others?

Will this change? Am i doing the complete wrong thing BF? I absolutely love thid journey and thankfully its been so darn easy apart from this, but, im absolutely stressed about it now, i keep trying to suggest things that may work and it doesn't and I love my DD SO much but, god, id love a nice long bath without worrying.

Am i being an awful mum thinking like this?
Any tips? Or will it pass on its own? Is it just simply because im breastfeeding?

Sorry 😞

I’m no bully. I can assure you of that.

We are allowed an opinion. We can say that we can’t stand sayings. You don’t have to agree. But just because you don’t please do not call me out to be a ‘bully’.

Lastly to answer your question as to ‘why are you on MN’ well probably

I wouldn't worry.
She'll love him when she's moble or a toddler. My DC think DP is way more fun than me, neither of them had much time for him as a baby.

Just rtt. OP you have been very gracious in your replies. Why do posters bother adding an apology to a cunty post.

So sorry ! Fell asleep ! Trying to get it removed !

It's funny, isn't it, how a perfectly innocuous phrase has got people so irate?

I agree with Iris, this is bullying. It's childish, unnecessary and really not helpful.

If you don't like the way someone phrases something, do feel free to move on and not pass comment. Maybe even take the time to wonder why it is you feel the need to put someone down when they've come on to ask a question, said clearly how anxious they are and instead of offering help, you've thought it's fine to attack them?

This is totally normal. You are expecting too much. Total 50/50 parenting for babies is a relatively new culture. A baby of this age is fixed on the primart care ie the brest feeder, as she should be. It is far too early to worryy about her Dads relationship with her. Over the next few months it would be wise to not always breast feed her to sleep or she will get 100% dependent on that method of falling asleep and then you really are tied

I often get a little concerned about the pressure to introduce a bottle so that the patner can feed/bond/help etc
Breast feeding is all to your baby at this age, do not lose any of this for the sake of a relationship with dad which will grow later, for now she needs you and BF

DontStandSoClose Sat 18-Apr-20 22:21:34
“Boob to sleep” “breastfeeding journey” no no no. You aren’t going anywhere, therefore it isn’t a journey. Argh!

Who the fuck are you to say what the OP wants to say! What made you master of what anyone should say. If the OP wants to say it and you don't like it then move on.

It will get better, OP. You absolutely do not need to leave her at this stage if you don't want to- it's a fallacy that babies can be taught to be independent. To be independent you have to first be dependent. It's a phase that will pass on its own. Don't worry about it. It's totally normal, as is feeding to sleep. It will not cause irreparable poor sleep habits.

Also, in future, do not post on AIBU unless you're ready to be ripped to shreds. It's the Mumsnet equivalent of a mosh pit. Post on the parenting or baby sleep boards instead. You'll get a slower response, but it'll probably be more helpful.

@Limitedsimba123 thank you, ill look into them!

@UnspeakableBode thank you, I'll look into this route as DP gets up early on week days! But might be something we can work on during lock down, she doesn't really wake uo to feed as such just searches more.

@SecretsInSpitalfield glad i could irritate one more person

@Iris27 does seem a bit unnecessary to be fair, but, seems like some people have nothing better to do than seek posts on mumsnet which will obviously send a triger off enough for them to comment something nasty. Probably to feel better abiht some aspect of their own lives.

@NoMorePoliticsPlease Im confused as to why that's concerning? It was also to get her introduced to bottles for my eventual return back to work which did work (but, she's a piggy and will take anything) I just see a lot of other parents co manage better i suppose, or baby be more intune with both parent. I know it'll come in time and i do appreciate it so much.

@Hyrana seems to just be this type of forum, bored mothers who clearly have nothing better to do in lockdown 🙄 but thank you.

@broohaha ideally i just want her to fall into her natural rhythm which she is starting to, ive always fed on demand and i understand it has benefits to 'nurse' to sleep. Just hard seeing DP upset. No, i'm no where near ready but feel like I should be, I guess!

I haven't rtft but all babies are different so please don't worry. Your baby is still so tiny and will settle in time.

I may be completely missing the mark but does your boyfriend wear aftershave? Mine does and dd hates it or anyone wearing anything scented.

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut but not enough of a pedant to spell pedant correctly 😀

😂😂😂 Doh! I could blame it on autocorrect but I'd be lying!

@Tjsmumma - Im sorry for coming across rude. I hated the expression so I took the mick out of the expression ‘boob to sleep’ without intending to be rude .. but came across just that!

Also the phrase boob to sleep makes me think of people bouncing on a giant boob shaped bouncy castle 😂

I've seen some BF babies will settle if they have an object that smells like their mother-say like a shirt maybe it would help her Dad? Good luck OP she'll grow more independent soon enough

Totally normal

Also the phrase boob to sleep makes me think of people bouncing on a giant boob shaped bouncy castle

Sorry, what??? What do bouncy castles have to do with sleep?

Sorry, what??? What do bouncy castles have to do with sleep? sorry...because it would tire them out and they would sleep on the big squishy boob! I'm not trying to be mean to the OP about it. Sorry OP if that's how it came across...feel bad now!

I wonder if a man, asking if he could fall asleep on a woman’s breasts, said ‘Can I boob to sleep tonight?’ would get a good reaction?

@Baconisgoodformeee

I can't think of any way for a man to ask that question that would get a good reaction tbh!

@WaterOffADucksCrack I know, its amazing how different they really are! Ive worked with kids a long time just didnt really put it all together til i had my own! No he doesnt wear any aftershave so i dont think its that, she just honestly prefers me for most things. Just seeing otber babies half her age stay round DG's and getting date nights etc made me concerned that maybe the bond we have or the way she reacts to DP was a bit strong. I love our bond abd hef dearly, just dont want her to only ever bond with me!

@SecretsInSpitalfield it's okay :) i get it but ive only caught it off other DM's i know.

@WaterOffADucksCrack haha not sure how you got that 😂 but made me chuckle!

@EKGEMS ah trust me, I've tried it! She just knows, i can stay within a certain distance and she's fine not seeing me but as soon as i leabe that and i assume she cant smell me or her lunch she freaks out 😅

@Baconisgoodformeee Good job this is taking about an innocent child who sees it as comfort and food rather than a grown adult then? 🤔🤦🏼‍♀️

It's fine she's only tiny & will grow out of it.

Do try the dummy OP they are AWESOME! People are reluctant to use them because of snobbery.

Btw: The word "Boobs" is not a verb.

Just seeing otber babies half her age stay round DG's and getting date nights etc made me concerned that maybe the bond we have or the way she reacts to DP was a bit strong. sleepovers at her age is very young in my circle. Neither the parents nor the baby is usually ready by that age so I wouldn't worry!