To think this is abnormal or is it totally normal..

[Tjsmumma]

Hi,

My DD is 4 months tomorrow so 17 weeks.

EBF, loves me to absolute pieces and im sure she loves DF as well but, she just does not settle for him, he can't get her to sleep (she boobs to sleep) i cant be out the room for more than 5 minutes without her getting not upset but aggy, and shouting out 'ma ma' for me, she can be in an absolute state for him, but, as soon as i return and she sees me, she stops instantly and smiles.

Obviously, this makes him feel awful, so, i think he sort of expects it and im not sure if she feeds of this or what, but, it's really getting me down.

I feel like, if i can't even leave her with him for an hour or even while i do dinner, when all this is over how on earth am i going to go out or do anything without her? Not saying i want to or anything like that, but, obviously every mum needs space.

I've seen mums i know, more FF babies but some BF babies be left within the first 12 weeks, without seemingly no problems, maybe there was but i dont know.

I'm not really sure what the point to this post is other than to ask, AIBU to think this is abnormal and wanting her to be able to settle for others?

Will this change? Am i doing the complete wrong thing BF? I absolutely love thid journey and thankfully its been so darn easy apart from this, but, im absolutely stressed about it now, i keep trying to suggest things that may work and it doesn't and I love my DD SO much but, god, id love a nice long bath without worrying.

Am i being an awful mum thinking like this?
Any tips? Or will it pass on its own? Is it just simply because im breastfeeding?

Sorry 😞

And Mumsnet successfully chases off another young mother...

Also, around 4 months can be an especially difficult and intense phase. "This too shall pass" repeat x100 daily until age 18.

I had to settle mine to sleep for the first 10 months because they fell asleep breastfeeding. As soon as I stopped DH took over. Its just the way it was for us. Frustrating at times but it is only for a time. Keep going!

I've only ever heard 'boob to sleep' on mumsnet, the very place that hates the expression!

@LookTheOtherWayPlease

This is normal though I would start slowing leaving longer gaps she is with her dad though. My dh has always done a lot with our 3 kids so I didn’t have this issue but I know a few people that have. Some people seem really surprised or doubtful that your baby can say mama. My eldest could say dada at 4 months by 14 months his speech according to the health visitor was the same as an average 2.5 year old. As he was my first i assumed it was normal for babies to speak that early but my sister told me it was very advanced. My other 2 kids were older when they said first word. Lol my babies first word was m milk (lol as in more milk) 😂. Some babies learn words very quickly.

Totally normal and natural to be close to you. You are her everything. Breastfeeding is more than just milk. Her dad is just as important however at this early stage all she sees is you

And Mumsnet successfully chases off another young mother...

No, OP is flouncing and being unnecessarily aggressive to PPs. She got lots of helpful advice here.

Not remotely abnormal!

She is still very very young, you are her only source of food and she recognises that. She is NATURALLY acting in the best interests of her own survival in her extremely immature brain. But this can also happen with ff babies where mum is main or only feeder

This will not last, as you wean her and she develops her dependence on you will lessen and actually within the next year or so she will very likely go through a phase of being all about daddy - also a natural part of development.

Also completely normal for you to be irritated and frustrated by it and to feel guilty about this too. No need for you to but completely NATURAL.

Dummies are not evil, they can be hard to wean children off but not impossible. And actually many children naturally reject them anyway as they age.

Do whatever works for your family.

What is it with people on here! This poor mum is distressed and asking for help/advice and people want to pick on her for saying boob to sleep and mistakingly stating that her baby says mama, instead of saying she makes a sound like it? Get a life..
Hope you're OK @Tjsmumma, sorry some idiots on here are making you feel worse 💐

@Tjsmumma dummys are a life saver in my opinion. My dd had one from 2 weeks until last week at 2yo (only at nap time and night time since 1yo).
We did dummy fsiry snd bribery with toys and chocolate and she hasn't looked back. It was relatively easy as she is old enough to understand the concept and talk about it. I wouldn't have wanted to try and get rid of it any earlier as she wouldn't have understood.

You may need to try a dummy or something else otherwise your baby will always be used to being comforted by bf, which means only you.

My DD is 10 months, EBF for 6 months and combination fed since then. My DD was like that for the first few months, I think it’s totally normal. I think they literally see you as a part of themselves still. DD still goes through stages where for a few days she’ll just want to cling to me, especially when she’s teething or unwell. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a good bond with her Dad, sometimes they just need Mum.

Adding the occasional bottle feed did help because it’s meant that he can get up with her some mornings and they can spend some time together, and I get to have a lie in! I think this was less stressful for her because I wasn’t actually leaving the room.

I think he just needs to persist in spending time with her and trying to get some one on one time. It will get easier as she gets older.

OP I was just reassuring you that it was normal and it will get better in time but for now you are her everything, and that's okay and normal.

There is nothing wrong with boob to sleep, but some people on MN will roast you for it, as you have seen.

You are doing a great job, it does get easier don't worry.

It’s really normal. Don’t sweat it.

I think kids can start to pick up on parents wanting their love, more than giving their love, when they get to toddlers so it’s important that you just don’t worry about it, either of you. Just give your baby what she wants, and get him to do stuff like take her out in the buggy and play for 10 minutes and build it up. Let him do most of the cooking.

Ignore all the miserable bitch 'boob to sleep comments' - they lead such rich lives they get their kicks being grammar police on mumsnet to feel superior everyone just thinks they are twats

I breastfed mine until 2 + and they were both clingy to me until then but did get easier when they could eat properly etc.

@LookTheOtherWayPlease it's horrendous to watch isn't it! Makes you wonder if they get some sick satisfaction out of it.

Relax. This is totally normal for 'boob fed' babies. Dont overthink it. 100% fine. And its not forever! In a couple of years your DD will be all over her dad and thats also totslly normal.

JFC I don't even have kids and understand what 'boobs to sleep' means, and it isn't annoying. Not sure why people have completely derailed over that.

The next time you leave the house, leave your baby with a top of yours that maybe you have worn to bed or just just worn it around the house. I think she just misses you when you are not there and that could be a way of her feeling relaxed if she can have something that has your scent on it.🙂

I do feel for you. I was so worried as I had to go back to work when he turned 5 months and he is EBF. Now he’s taking expressed and bf. I was so anxious about it and saw DS just screaming at DH until I got home.
However... it was fine. First day he was a bit grumpy with DH but then nothing.

I was BF to sleep and in the night when DS woke up. DH persuaded me to try and stop and since I stopped DS has been sleeping through the night and settling for DH for his long sleep as well.. I hate that he was right and it was so hard to let him cry that first night. But honestly, the second night he slept from 8pm-5:30am!

It's normal, she's still so young. xxxx

Totally normal. Mine did the same. Its hard on the Dad though. But tell him not to give up, it will change.

“ No, OP is flouncing and being unnecessarily aggressive to PPs. She got lots of helpful advice here.”

Is she fuck. Aggressive hahaha. Give me strength. She used one annoying phrase and you gang of bastards are all going to tip her over the edge with your shit posts. How about you all get back to posting your own threads about your husbands cheating on you and your neighbours hating you. No wonder, nasty fuckers.

Dont worry OP, once some lady in deep distress wrote ' Babydaddy' here. I've never heard such a cocophany of tinkly laughs, feigned ignorance of the term and general twattery directed at the OP, accompanied by the Mumsnet TM headtilt. Boobed to sleep is very common parlance but some maiden aunt types here detest any new expression or words.

I think ‘boob to sleep’ is a valid term. It is descriptive of what happens.
To those who ‘boob’ is a noun, not a verb. I disagree- it can be both. I offer you ‘arm’, ‘hand’ and ‘face’ as other bodily examples.