To think how dare she! I haven’t done anything wrong have I?

[Deedee9]

So, a friend of mine took it upon herself to tell me off last night. Why? Because I ordered some birthday cards online for my family including my ds who is 16 in a few weeks and my mum who’s 60 a few days later. Now it’s rare I order anything online as usually I like to go into shops, but considering card shops are shut and Tesco and Asda in my area are running low on cards I thought I’d order some online.

She told me it’s people like me adding to the crisis ordering non essential stuff and I’m not thinking of the delivery people risking heir lives. To be honest at first it upset me as she’s supposed to be my friend but then I got really angry. When I thought about it I’ve come to realise just how bloody judgemental she is. It was my dd’s birthday the first week of lockdown and my friend messaged me whilst I was waiting in the queue at Asda. I had gone for some essential food items but also to get my dd some balloons and banners. I hadn’t gone solely for the balloons and banners etc yet my friend called me irresponsible. My Facebook news feed is full of people ordering bbq’s, swimming pools play equipment, clothes etc but I haven’t commented because one it’s not my place to tell people what to buy and two it’s none of my fooking business. AIBU?

OP, you're being a bit judgemental too, though. She feels you shouldn't be buying shit online, you feel you're a better person than she is for dealing so well with your stress. Nobody's at their best right now.

This, really OP. IME friends will quite often say something that I don't entirely agree with, or do things I find really odd voting for Boris Johnson for example. If they're basically decent people I tend just to gloss over it. However, since lockdown my ability to think 'oh never mind' has been in very short supply. It doesn't help that in a 10 day period I will have worked 120 hours as I am a key worker and basically just tired.

Your friend said something stupid and judgemental. You're now angry - but how much of that anger is because you're just stretched so thin right now you don't have the capacity to deal with this shit? I'd let it go, cool the friendship for now and pick up again when things are more normal, or we find a new normal.

I'd tell her to fuck off.

It's a hard one, torn between ordering things to keep small businesses going and not ordering to try and minimise deliveries...who knows what the right answer is

What bollox. We're allowed to try and have fun. Some people are competing at giving up stuff etc. For instance the people (who aren't in the shielded group) boasting because they haven't been out of the house at all for days, acting as if that's a virtue, when we're allowed to go out. Anything that makes life more pleasant, go for it- lots of people are ordering stuff from online, to have a little 'present' or two arrive brightens things up. And cards aren't even particularly luxurious.

I’ve just done the same as you and ordered the next few months birthday cards online as when I have to go to the supermarket to food shop I don’t want to be in there any longer than I have to.

My chain of thought was that the postman is still delivering and as cards are usually letterbox size neither of us will come in contact with each other.

I do think that people are going a little bit mad at the moment in lockdown, just ignore her.

Delivering stuff is very low risk, in fact they aren't really risking their lives at all as they're tending to leave something on the doorstep then step back, so it's no more risk than walking down the street.

Right now the economy needs every business that can keep going to do so. That includes those businesses who’ve adapted to become online suppliers. You’re friend is a dick and should either quit her job to put her money where her mouth is or stop judging people for things that are actually helping the economy survive this nightmare.

Tell her to fuck off OP. I'm sick of all the sanctimonious arseholes IRL, on MN and in the gutter press shaming people for buying 'non essential items'. What is essential? Is the huge bag of crisps they buy when they go to the supermarket essential? The six bottles of wine? The chocolate? No, none of that is essential - we could all chicken, rice and salad - but we're actually we're keeping what's left of the economy afloat if we buy other stuff too. People ordering plants online or fencing panels or paint or god forbid birthday cards are not doing anything wrong. Delivery drivers are key workers and supermarkets are essential businesses, so IMO anything that they sell is fine for people to buy, whether it's bags of charcoal or underpants. Life is fucking miserable enough without people busybodies taking it upon themselves to berate their friends, family or total strangers for stuff that's none of their business.

Another vote for telling her to fuck off.

Agree with pp about keeping the economy going. The government are trying to balance what they have to do and minimise the economic impact. We need to not make up extra restrictions. We can choose what to do for ourselves but setting made up rules for other people isn't ok.

I'd be distancing myself in more ways than just socially. This crisis is shining a light on what insufferable, self-righteous prigs some people are behind a thinly-disguised veneer.

Your friend would hate me.

Since lockdown I have, ordered jigsaws , batteries for my bathroom radio, garden bird food, tomato plants, a new watering can, and a new squirrel buster bird feeder. None of them vital, but all adding to my wellbeing while I am isolating. I have also posted a bag of ground coffee to a desperate friend who had run out and a packet of dog food forks that I bought ages ago for someone and forgot to pass on.

As long as the postal service/couriers/warehouses/eBay sellers and other online retailers are in business then I am happy to buy.

She's very rude and frankly what you order is none of her business.

I think sending cards is a lovely thing to do and usually much appreciated.

OP, its not good for anyone to accept being someone's emotional punching bag...at any time.

You did nothing wrong.

She is rude.

Don't bother checking in on her again.

Let her move on to someone else to berate.

16 is a special birthday. I hope your daughter has a nice day.

I'd stop considering her a friend. For now, at least.

She wouldn't like us here. We have ordered books online for reading during lockdown. I had one delivered this morning.

I've also ordered myself a new bird table to put up in the garden, with a large bag of bird food too. I'm really looking forward to getting it next week and pottering around with it.

Anyone who says I shouldn't do this can bog off. Lockdown is unpleasant for us all. The economy has to keep going somehow and people will do what they are able to do to stay sane.

YNBU You did nothing wrong. You are supporting the economy. My friend sells things online and is grateful for people like you. Your friend's anxiety (self-righteousness?) is sending her over the top.

Many delivery drivers are happy that people are still ordering. A lot are self employed and need the money. It’s better to order birthday cards online compared to going into a shop and hovering by the card section. If anything like me I take forever to pick a card so doing it online is safer. I plan to do the same. I have birthdays coming up including my sons. I have ordered a load of cards myself . I have ordered all I need for a few months (birthdays, Father’s Day etc). Ive also ordered stuff for my sons birthday. This morning I had a delivery of Lego themed paper plates and party cups because we are having a party tea just the four of us at home.

Also ordering goods is keeping the economy going.

Some people seem to think we all have to be totally miserable during lockdown and anything that can bring someone the tiniest bit of joy is thus non-essential and evil. I think I’d be inclined to tell your friend to F off!

she works as a courier. So I completely get why she’s annoyed having to deliver lots of parcels everyday
Tell her to quit her job if she doesn't like it.

I came close to telling her to mind her own business but I just came off messenger in the end and left it at that
I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's projected her issues onto you - and you leave it be for the sake of 'peace'?

She doesn't seem to have much respect or consideration for you.
I'd order more stuff and be open about it - afterall, you're just doing your bit keeping someone in a job they need.........

It is more responsible to order a card online than it is to go to the supermarket just to buy one. Yes, pick one up with your usual weekly shop, but not a special trip just for a card.

I have ordered lots of books online as DD is reading her way through hundreds of them.

To show the other side of it though - my friend works in an online warehouse , they have been flooded with orders for items, which for some reason are on the essential list. (they really aren't essential). But the boss won't shut down while the orders are coming in. Some of the staff have health issues, some of the staff can't see their children whilst still working with others. and they have had to ban the delivery lorry drivers from coming in to use facilities, after one came in spluttering and coughing, and coughed a load of crap into a sink. (not envy). The lorries come from hubs up country in an area that is a CV hotspot. So I do feel sorry for those who are still working in areas that the rest of us could actually survive without.

We ARE allowed to buy non-essential items. Shopping bags are not being checked. Guildelines are that we should minimise shopping, but it's fine to buy stuff while in the supermarket.
It is also fine to buy anything at all over the internet. My DH has bought several items over the internet.
Re garding balloons etc, they may be rubbish (see an earlier post), but I personally think it very important to celebrate someone's birthday in the way we think we can. After all, they can hardly go out with a friend. It is important for your 16 year old to feel special with limited means available.

I don’t understand this. Is she cross she isn’t at home?

I’m ordering lots online. I don’t think I’m adding to the spread of covid 19. If I felt at risk as a courier I’d give up my job and go on benefits for a while. I wouldn’t risk my health. However it’s more likely that people who see a lot of people like bus drivers, shop workers, even bin men handling bins, they need to protect themselves.

What if drivers want the job and cant afford to be jobless? I think ppl are really shallow and only think of what works for them.

I feel guilty seeing companies i like closing down and on the risk of liquidation cuz i and many others arent shopping there anymore, so many jobs will be lost and many more ppl will be crying after.

The virus wont stop spreading, it is just under control to keep the nhs functioning

If she wants people to stop ordering stuff she must be happy to not have a job so tell her to quit if she doesn’t like it and then tell her to shove her judgment up her arse.

She's nuts!
I'm also laughing at the suggestion of sending her a card! A big head tilt.

I'd message her and tell you've just ordered something else online: a new, non-judgey friend.