Multiple children

[UnaCorda]

I'll probably be accused of being goady for asking this, but I would genuinely like to hear people's thoughts and explanations.

What causes people to decide to have a large family? I mean, assuming it was planned, what did you expect to get out of having four, five or six children - or more - that you didn't get from the first one, two or three? Did it turn out how you imagined?

Obviously this will vary between couples, but do people dispassionately consider the impact on their finances, the available space in their home, demands on their time, the effect on existing children, the toll it takes on your body, and the ramifications for the planet?

Or is it simply a question of procreation being an instinctual drive which, for a lot of people, is too strong to ignore and overrides all practicalities?

Also, if you would have liked to have had a large family but decided against it, what influenced your decision?

Thanks for your thoughts.

HalfTerm but you said that you did not think that the planet was overpopulated. It is.

As a mother of eight children I don’t have any interest in the size of anybody’s family other than my own. I question why the size of my family is of such interest to you?

It isn't. The size of your specific family is of very little interest.

I am not sure why you expect me to justify the existence of my family...

I don't.

I was one of 5.
I have 2.
One of my siblings is childless.
One has one child.
The other 2 have 3 each.
None of us would have ever wanted or considered having 5 kids.

Some people have easy pregnancies, followed by easy babies, and enjoy it all, plus they have enough money that they can either be SAHM parents or employ a nanny.
That’s why in many cases IMO.

I suspect that there are quite a few who’d love to have more if they could afford a big enough house and everything else that goes with big families.

I don’t think enough people consider their financial / health etc ability to take care of kids across 25 years before they decide to have one let alone more. I do think it’s biological instinct over anything else.z

All these peeps bleeting on about over population etc, wonder if you drive gas guzzlers and fly around the globe

I have one child, don't fly and don't own a car. I even buy most things second hand

Haven't learnt how to knit lentils yet though..

I've had 6, from two marriages, with a few years gap in between. It was difficult at times and very hard work but lovely now they are older. I didn't really have any family growing up, and was very lonely. I didn't want the same for my children, I wanted them to always have some one there for them. I have had a lot of judgement over the years for it, but it doesn't bother me what others think anymore. I have always worked and provided for them, and they have all turned into decent, hard working adults. I've no regrets and make no apologies for the choices I made.

If there environment concerns you OP maybe have no children, rather than questioning why others have more than two?

I don't have any children.

(Although I don't quite see why some people should have no children in order that others can have many.)

Everyone has their own story in life and i don't think anyone should have to justify it unless directly hurting someone for example. Everyone wants differnet things including different amounts of children or not wanting children at all and it shouldn't be questioned or judged.

I know of people that didn't what children and i fully support and understand why, i don't need to be asking them as its personal to them.

I am also fascinated. I mean I get that I have practically zero energy so my one dd is like having multiple children energy wise for the average person. But the thought of 4 children would fill me with dread. Even if we’ll, emotionally I don’t think I’d cope.

Lol at the comment that the planet isn’t overpopulated. If we went back to sustainable farming, I think a lot of people would starve. Estimates claim the planet can sustain 4-9 billion people. We are already at almost 8.

I have a two-year-old and every time I meet a large family I wonder this myself. As a child, I thought it must be fun to have lots of siblings and I imagined having four kids myself, or even eight. Now, I wonder what on earth I was thinking.

I’d like for DD to have a sibling, but I don’t know if I could ever put myself through pregnancy, childbirth and the baby stage again. I admire those of you who’ve done it multiple times, because I never could.

The planet is not yet over populated and probably won’t be. Birth rates are slowing world wide. The projections I’ve seen show that they will most likely level off to replacement rate.
There is enough agricultural land currently under cultivation to feed another 3 billion people.
We have easy cheap ways to convert sea water to fresh water.

I think because U.K. is overpopulated, British tend to think the rest of the world is also overpopulated.

it shouldn't be questioned or judged

Why not? Having many children is terrible for the environment. It impacts us all.

I have four. I enjoy the hustle and bustle of a big family (although it’s not that big to me, I was one of many mo siblings myself). The way I see it is that each sibling brings something extra to the lives of their brothers and sisters. My kids are begging me to have another. I don’t think we will but I would consider it - it’s a head over heart decision this time.

I understand the arguments about overpopulation and environmental impact but they usually come from people with two children. If you really thought the impact of overpopulation on the planet was unacceptable then surely you’d have no children.

I think it's interesting to know (I have 3). 3 is my limit. I feel done.

MiL had 5 and just loves family, babies, children and appears to have endless patience. It's actually really nice to be part of that as a adult and for my children to have lots of cousins.

Friends with 4 (by choice as far as I know) also seem to love babies and have endless patience. Also ability to not mind mess (or temporary mess). Also as they grow up to enjoy their children and be in the moment with them.

@koshkatt I don’t think that’s quite what I said . I don’t know for certain whether it’s currently overpopulated (a very quick google search throws up a mixture of opinions, from fairly sensible sources) but I think it is certainly going to get that way in the future. Which is pretty much what I said originally, I think...

What is more of a concern to me is the attitude of a huge percentage of the people on the planet, not the number of them. But then yes, I suppose if there were less people then their attitudes wouldn’t be such a problem.

Ok. So I only have two but my friend with 4..

So she had a boy first, then a girl. Perfect. But she wanted another boy. So had no 3...it was a girl. She was gutted..So she tried for no 4...and guess what another girl.

After a few drinks she did say to me she was gutted and she should have stopped at 2. She also confessed she loved being pregnant and getting the attention that comes with being pregnant and popping out a newborn.

She is finds 4 insanely tough and wishes she had just stopped at 2 .

I have another friend who also wanted to pop out a boy, but 4 girls later...

In my opinion though, I'll go with the one that I think people love the attention from being pregnant and having little ones. Very addictive. IF my body would have allowed me to have had more, I would definitely have done so. I loved being pregnant, loved that everyone cooed over me, and then cooed over the baby. No one is interested once they get to school age.

I agree Janice if someone feels so strongly about the planet there was no need for them to even have one child tbf.

I know of people that didn't what children and i fully support and understand why, i don't need to be asking them as its personal to them.

Of course it's personal, but most people on MN are under a pseudonym, and nobody is obliged to answer my question.

Women I know who had more than 3 DC liked the baby stage, so they kept recreating it.

Luckily when DC reached the less appealing stage to their parents, DC got lots of company and parenting from elder siblings. As in a lot of large families, eldest DC left home very young.

I didn’t stop being broody until after my 4th. We can afford them and do not claim benefits of any sort.

I come from a large family - I have a LOT of aunts, uncles and cousins! But DH doesn’t. We have the only children in each of our families - none of our siblings have children. Not because they haven’t wanted them but because of medical problems and opportunity.

In honesty, I can’t tell you why I have 4. It was what I’d always wanted, and I love having them around.

5? No thank you. I know I’m done now and I never, ever thought there would be a time where I wouldn’t want a pregnancy/ baby!

I question why the size of my family is of such interest to you?

Let’s face it, having 8 children is pretty unusual these days.

All these peeps bleating on about over population etc, wonder if you drive gas guzzlers and fly around the globe. I may have had more children than most people but i can argue one thing we don't fly or drive

Yawn. This gets trotted out every time someone gets defensive about having a large family. I know loads of small families and child free couples who aren’t globe trotters and don’t drive big cars.

The planet is overpopulated, but only by westerners. We are the ones with the unfairly large carbon/resource footprints.

I am vegan, only eat/wear organic, don't drive or fly, buy electronics secondhand, am not consumerist, and my footprint is still only just sustainable. I have one child.

So westerners need to address their lifestyles (and it takes a lot more addressing than you might assume) before they think about how many children to have. Even then, it isn't fair for us to have more than replacement value (i.e. one per adult) when the planet is in this state.

This calculator is quite detailed, so should be more accurate than some of the simpler ones: www.carbonfootprint.com/calculator.aspx

@StillCounting123 Having multiple kids is a manifestation of the love DH and I have for each other and having them has really opened our eyes to each other and our relationship and made it stronger.

Good Lord this has to be the most cringeworthy thing I've ever read on Mumsnet! Most people open their eyes to each other before dragging 5 kids into their lives Not as some kind of 'symbol!'
You're meant to have kids because you want them, it's not supposed to be all about your relationship!

For anyone interested in work population projections. Here is the lates UN paper on it. Here is excerpt
“This analysis concludes that, with a probability of 95 per cent (referred to hereafter as the 95 per cent prediction interval), the size of the global population will stand between 8.5 and 8.6 billion in 2030, between 9.4 and 10.1 billion in 2050, and between 9.4 and 12.7 billion in 2100 (figure 1; table 1).
Though the population will be increasing, projections point to a slowing rate of population growth through the end of the century. The medium variant anticipates that the rate of population growth will fall from just over 1 per cent annually in 2015-2020 to close to zero around the end of the century. The range of plausible trajectories indicates that there is roughly a 27 per cent chance that the growth rate could fall to or below zero and the world’s population could stabilize or even begin to decrease sometime before 2100.”
www.un.org/en/development/desa/population/publications/pdf/popfacts/PopFacts_2019-6.pdf