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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Multiple children

423 replies

UnaCorda · 17/04/2020 21:03

I'll probably be accused of being goady for asking this, but I would genuinely like to hear people's thoughts and explanations.

What causes people to decide to have a large family? I mean, assuming it was planned, what did you expect to get out of having four, five or six children - or more - that you didn't get from the first one, two or three? Did it turn out how you imagined?

Obviously this will vary between couples, but do people dispassionately consider the impact on their finances, the available space in their home, demands on their time, the effect on existing children, the toll it takes on your body, and the ramifications for the planet?

Or is it simply a question of procreation being an instinctual drive which, for a lot of people, is too strong to ignore and overrides all practicalities?

Also, if you would have liked to have had a large family but decided against it, what influenced your decision?

Thanks for your thoughts.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnaCorda · 17/04/2020 21:38

My DH is one of 13, I am eldest of 7.

Wow! Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
UnaCorda · 17/04/2020 21:42

Thanks for the elucidating answers, and to the people who have also said they think it's an interesting question.

Personally I would have liked one or two children, but can't see the appeal of more than that as it seems to me that life would become purely about childcare and its associated drudgery for several years.

I can compare the lives of my two siblings (one has one child, the other has five under 10) and know whose life I'd choose.

OP posts:
OneandTwenty · 17/04/2020 21:43

UnaCorda
Most people I have spoken with have stopped to 1 or 2 for financial reasons.

I am not saying that it's the only reason, and that people are not happy with an only, or 2 children, but the money factor plays a huge part.
The age they had children too: many couldn't afford children when they were younger, and waited until they were financially secure. By that time, 1 baby or maybe 2 was more than enough.

As long as people have the family they want, who cares?

AMomHasNoName · 17/04/2020 21:43

I have 4. Debating on having another in the next few years. But that would be my last. I loved being pregnant and labour.
We can afford it , we would have to move house though at some point. I find it great and my children are all well looked after and get plenty of one on one time.
I gotta a lot of love to give :)

n00bMaster69 · 17/04/2020 21:44

Why do people only have one child? Why do some have none? Because they want to??

Some think of the environmental impact having a large family will have on an already over populated planet.

Healthyandhappy · 17/04/2020 21:44

I stopped at 2 hater been pregnant hated the cost prefer 5 year olds + hate newborn stage

OneandTwenty · 17/04/2020 21:47

it seems to me that life would become purely about childcare and its associated drudgery for several years.

whilst for me having 4 makes my life much easier and gives me more free time. Having babies and toddlers was a breeze as they had more than enough stimulation and entertainment. As the others can play or fight with each other, it is easier to have more 1-to-1.

I hate mess, so the house is as tidy as I feel happy with.

Bluewater1 · 17/04/2020 21:47

I think I'd have liked 4 tbh. But it wasn't to be and actually I think my two are more than enough for me. I was older when I had them and I have found that exhausting

mortforya · 17/04/2020 21:47

I think big families are much more fun, just my opinion, it's a strange post op, most people don't have more babies to see "what they will get from them that they don't get from their current kids", it's simply wanting another child in your family and their life evolving

OneandTwenty · 17/04/2020 21:50

I think big families are much more fun
it's less pressure for the parents! We still take the kids out, on holidays, on weekends away, parks and everything, but there's not the pressure on making sure a single child is not left alone and bored all weekend.

PlanDeRaccordement · 17/04/2020 21:50

“life would become purely about childcare and its associated drudgery for several years.”

I don’t view raising children as “drudgery”. It’s been the best fun of my life and gone by so fast and now my youngest is 16 I am getting a bit sad that those days are almost behind me now. Unless I am blessed with grandchildren.

funinthesun19 · 17/04/2020 21:51

What I don’t like is how people who stop at 1 or 2 think everyone else should do the same. People get so self righteous about it all and they think they’re amazing because they stopped at 2. They tend to be quite vocal about it as well.... (😴)

Original poster
UnaCorda · 17/04/2020 21:52

Of course having 4 or more is the same as having 1 or 2.

Really? So why not stop at two? Or one? Confused

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 17/04/2020 21:54

Thought I should add, SOME people who stopped at 1 or 2 Grin

Firecarrier · 17/04/2020 21:55

The planet is absolutely NOT overpopulated. I really wish people would stop spouting this nonsense. Hmm

OP the other reasons you mentioned helped me to make my decisions on this but 'ramifications to the environment' didn't feature at all.

Marlena1 · 17/04/2020 21:55

I would have loved 3/4 but didn't meet my DP until later/ I don't think we could afford it/environmental reasons (plus I found #2 really hard). Would love to foster in a few years. We have 2.

Legoandloldolls · 17/04/2020 21:56

4 kids here. It's just more rewarding than my corporate job was. Always wanted 3 but felt like I wasnt complete.

Money was well thought out and we have done things that most familieswouldnt because they need to. Like buying a detached 3 bed and extending it into a massive 5 five bed. I guess most people could do this, but as they dont need too, they dont dream so big. We have also the means to become mortgage free before 50, but again through hard work and sacrifices we wouldn't have thought about if we had two kids.

InArrears · 17/04/2020 21:56

I would have loved more children (have 2) but it didn't happen.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 17/04/2020 21:56

The planet is absolutely NOT overpopulated. I really wish people would stop spouting this nonsense.

What makes you think this? I am partly Hmm and partly genuinely intrigued.

Ikeameatballs · 17/04/2020 21:57

If I’d had a lot more money and a willing partner I’d have had more than two dc. In fact I wouldn’t really need a lot more money for 1 more but I would need dp to be willing.

For me relationships and finances combined for me to stop at two. If I’d had a lot more money then I’d have liked more. However I actually earn very well, just not enough for me to afford more children and the lifestyle I’d like. Many others would happily have more dc on my salary. I suspect time/money/resources/age are the reasons most people limit their family size.

soontobe6 · 17/04/2020 21:59

Yes your post is extremely goady.

As a mother of eight children I don’t have any interest in the size of anybody’s family other than my own. I question why the size of my family is of such interest to you?

We enjoy parenting our large brood. We believe children are a gift from God and are very thankful for each individual child.

I am not sure why you expect me to justify the existence of my family but please rest assured we are happy, healthy, financially secure and very content with our lot.

Hannah021 · 17/04/2020 21:59

We are 5 siblings, they only wanted two, the three are accidents... Thank god for having them all, its so nice to have many siblings... I dont want children, but if i do have, three, because they deserve to have simblings to support each other in the future

SerenDippitty · 17/04/2020 22:00

Would have loved a child but it didn’t happen. Four seems like a huge family to me.

Scotmummy1216 · 17/04/2020 22:00

Main reason for me was because im close to my sister and couldn't imagine growing up as an only child. I've got two girls and am im very lucky, at the moment no more but who knows what future holds.

Iggypoppie · 17/04/2020 22:00

My friend had 6 kids one on way my sister had 4. I have one and wish I had more because once you've adjusted there is definitely a lot of fun to be had with multiple children in the house, especially if you're not particularly sensitive to noise (which I am, unfortunately).