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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Multiple children

423 replies

UnaCorda · 17/04/2020 21:03

I'll probably be accused of being goady for asking this, but I would genuinely like to hear people's thoughts and explanations.

What causes people to decide to have a large family? I mean, assuming it was planned, what did you expect to get out of having four, five or six children - or more - that you didn't get from the first one, two or three? Did it turn out how you imagined?

Obviously this will vary between couples, but do people dispassionately consider the impact on their finances, the available space in their home, demands on their time, the effect on existing children, the toll it takes on your body, and the ramifications for the planet?

Or is it simply a question of procreation being an instinctual drive which, for a lot of people, is too strong to ignore and overrides all practicalities?

Also, if you would have liked to have had a large family but decided against it, what influenced your decision?

Thanks for your thoughts.

OP posts:

koshkatt · 17/04/2020 22:01

I wish people would think about the fucking mess that humans have made of the planet before they jump in to having huge numbers of children.

CanICelebrate · 17/04/2020 22:02

I have 3 and I’d have loved more but I have a great career now and enjoy that we can go abroad every year and not worry about money.
Money is the main factor for not having more as we also pay for school for 2 of our dc and couldn’t afford nursery for another without other things in our life changing drastically. My house is loud (we are all singers and instrumentalists!), lively (have a dog too!) and I wouldn’t have it any other way

formerbabe · 17/04/2020 22:02

Some people are very defensive. I don't know why the ops question is seen as goady. It's interesting.

Pinksunday1210 · 17/04/2020 22:02

I always wondered why people had loads of kids (I’m one of 2) it’s always been me and my brother and our parents. I always thought that it was better like that.

However DH is one of 7 and every Christmas we go to my parents in the morning and his in the evening. I started noticing each year how different each household was and how much I loved his big family.

Obviously I loved being with mine in the morning but it was such a small family unit compared to his. When we went to his there was him, 4 Dsis and 2 Dbro, a few brought their partners and kids, so there was around 20 of us! I loved it, I loved how busy it was and the noise and the closeness of them all. Started wishing my family was like that, I wish I’d had a few siblings, of course I love my brother but I always think of how much better it’d would have been if there were day two more of us at least.

CanICelebrate · 17/04/2020 22:03

Thankfully our house is also reasonably big so we all have our own space when we need it

Firecarrier · 17/04/2020 22:03

I am astonished that anyone believes the overpopulation myth, sorry to answer a question with a question but why do you believe the planet is overpopulated.

It is clearly a control mechanism.

putastrawunderbaby · 17/04/2020 22:03

I have 12 dc, all by the same man (I get asked a lot by total strangers, and no there are no twins and yes I gave birth to them all). When they were young, their father and I both worked and also ran a business together to support them all. We loved it, the dc were fully involved, they were homeschooled and they were - are - a close knit unit as a result even now. Sadly my xdh left me for a younger woman once I couldn't give him any more children and he now has one on the way with her. I never wanted or expected to be bringing a big family up alone. It takes a couple, financial security and total commitment imho and what was a beautiful life is now very hard work. Still wouldn't wish them away though - their love for each other makes it all worthwhile.

Pinksunday1210 · 17/04/2020 22:04

Apologies for the terrible grammar, DD is asleep on me

LegoBloodyHurts · 17/04/2020 22:04

If there environment concerns you OP maybe have no children, rather than questioning why others have more than two?

Namechanger0800 · 17/04/2020 22:06

We have 5 and i can't understand why anyone would choose to stop at 1 or 2 given the choice.

Jen435 · 17/04/2020 22:06

I was one of 3 and fortunate enough to have a nice upbringing; private school, foreign holidays etc. I would like to be able to give my kids the same I had and, despite us being good earners, I think realistically 2 is our limit in order to be able to afford that

koshkatt · 17/04/2020 22:06

I am astonished that anyone believes the overpopulation myth, sorry to answer a question with a question but why do you believe the planet is overpopulated
It is clearly a control mechanism

Actually speechless at this. Truly.

KickAssAngel · 17/04/2020 22:07

I wanted to have more than two kids, but several rounds of IVF, an awful pregnancy and horrific birth later, the second lot of IVF just didn't work, and was unlikely ever to work. So, I just have 1 kid.

I'm a teacher of teenagers. I find it easy & natural to look after groups of kids. I like being in that kind of situation. DD is 16 and wonderful, but I still wish I could have had a few more kids so that my home would be fun and lively and shouty and busy, just like work.

justmilknosugarplease · 17/04/2020 22:08

We've stopped at 2 for financial reasons. We can comfortably afford 2. I would love more. If we have more money and a bigger house then we would definitely have more.

Echobelly · 17/04/2020 22:09

The mums I know of multiple kids I think just really love having and bringing up kids basically, it's as simple as that!

My mum would have loved to have had four kids but she had a prolapsed womb after me (her third) and it wasn't safe for her to get pregnant again.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 17/04/2020 22:09

I don’t necessarily believe the planet is over populated (currently), but I think it might get that way in the future as medicine, technology etc advances. It’s not just about how many children I choose to have though (for me it’s not, anyway) if I choose to have 4 children, then they each have 3 or 4 children it continues on from there.

There are other environmental things that concern me more than over population though, especially in the shorter term.

formerbabe · 17/04/2020 22:10

I stopped at two..not for environmental or financial reasons but because I'm really knackered and fed up of housework.

BellatrixLestat · 17/04/2020 22:10

We have three. I'll go with my reasons for no. 3 who was planned (unlike no.2 )

I got broody again
We could afford it
We wanted another child

4. I didn't really like sleep anyway

Sennetti · 17/04/2020 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

koshkatt · 17/04/2020 22:11

There are other environmental things that concern me more than over population though, especially in the shorter term

Why do you think that there might be environmental issues? Have a think now...

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 17/04/2020 22:12

I have 3 and would’ve loved more if I had the space/money. The only thing I struggle with is not being able to give each one as much attention as I would like (I work part time) which would only get worse the more you have i think.

Wannabangbang · 17/04/2020 22:14

All these peeps bleeting on about over population etc, wonder if you drive gas guzzlers and fly around the globe. I may have had more children than most people but i can argue one thing we don't fly or drive so that's one thing we got right. Don't make out your some sort of green peace should you do either of those things because i can argue you are ruining the ozone layer lol

HalfTermHalfTerm · 17/04/2020 22:17

There are other environmental things that concern me more than over population though, especially in the shorter term

Why do you think that there might be environmental issues? Have a think now...

I’m not quite sure why you’re patronising me, I’m agreeing with you!

n00bMaster69 · 17/04/2020 22:18

Of course the world is overpopulated, look at the environment!

It is clearly a control mechanism

koshkatt · 17/04/2020 22:18

Wanna I have no children and never fly. I get the train to work. Having children is the worst thing you can do environmentally. I care about the planet and try to do my best.
Stop being so defensive FFS and own it.

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