Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

We serve ourselves from the pan in the kitchen. Best of both worlds

Plated. I was brought up with plated meals and hate family style - I actually end up eating less because I'm not sure how much I should take. Even Christmas is plated at my mum's! ILs are much more into family style but we rarely eat there anyway.

Haha, actually I'm loving this thread. So much more entertaining than the million coronavirus ones!
That's good! It looked the other way though

It is interesting to see how people eat. There is no right or wrong answer though. Some families work better with individual serving, some with sharing.

I'm so socially awkward I hate it when it's all in the middle to help yourself. In my head im like 'i dont want to take too much at once...don't want to take 2 sausages cos what if someone wants 3? I better not have the toast the others might want it...I've only had 1 sausage and a few beans but I won't take anything else in case it looks like I've had loads.."
I barely have anything at those kinds of meals cos I feel so awkward especially with in laws

BBQs are family-style though!

It's just two adults and one small child here so I plate up. If we have guests I do family style but find it incredibly stressful as the first people usually take too much and then I am panicking that the later people won't have enough.

My post relates to in my own house, so no issues with people being worried to take too much etc!

I do a mixture at home but when my mum has us all over for a Sunday roast I encourage my mum to plate up in the kitchen as sil takes all the crispiest potatoes!

@JungleGiraffe family style is the gold standard for reducing picky eating in children and giving them a chance to learn to self regulate food intake. Plated meals are generally considered the quick and easy way to create power struggles and food issues in children. If you want to learn more, read stuff from Ellyn Slatter.

We have a food box subscription and for those meals, I serve them plated because they are effectively pre portioned. For other meals I serve family style. We use cloth napkins, candles at suppertime in the winter, and my dc has used a knife and fork, crystal drinking glass, etc. since at 4. For us, mealtimes are about learning how to exist in a social situation.

In my experience family style means you have untouched leftovers that can be bunged into a soup at the end of the week - that's it, that's the meal plan, you just don't buy for Mondays because you'll make soup etc. Whereas plated means you tend to throw leftovers away because they've been pushed around with a saliva'ed fork etc and it's a bit minging. So, more waste with plated.

And there are always leftovers with plated or family style... children rarely eat everything that a parent dishes up... if they do, that's not a good sign, children should choose their own portions and learn to self regulate. Again, read Ellyn Slatter.

I grew up with a combination of the two. Usually food taken to the table, but my mother would plate food for us kids. We could have smaller seconds of what we liked best, if there was enough (and we'd eaten enough of our veg ).

In our house with two adults, it's a simplified family-style. Buffet style, maybe? We leave the food in the kitchen, each make our own plates, then take them at eat in front of the TV, most of the time. (That is itself a no-no in many circles, but we do what we want. )

I see the sense of plating up for younger children or when there might not be enough to go around, but if people have the manners to not take more than their share, I prefer family-style. Not everyone has the same tastes and appetite. It's so awkward when someone gives you a huge helping of something you hate!

I have a number of really lovely pasta serving bowls I was given when we got married. I hardly ever use them because if I put them on the table the kids would destroy the place serving themselves! Any opportunity to take a cold pasta salad or a big salad of any kind to a BBQ or something has be raising my hand in enthusiasm so I can get them out (although I lost one for ages and couldn't work i tout until at my sister's house one day she whipped it out during a dinner party and completely casually said to a friend who commented on it, "I know, it's great. Bling brought it over once and I stole it. I just wish she'd get me another one") Completely shameless!!!!

Yabu

You sound controlling and joyless.

Family style is so much more sociable, and leftovers the next day or frozen for another time are the best bit!

I also can’t stand ‘family style’ because, as a vegetarian, I can’t stand other people sticking their meaty forks straight into the veggie food (looking at you SIL!). It means I can’t eat any more of that particular food item.

I only plate up if its just me and DH, would never do it for guests. As people said I don't know everyone's favourites or how much they want and I'm not the misery diet police.

My MIL even plates up Christmas Dinner. She's a great cook but it always feels joyless.

Normal everyday life I plate up. When we have guests it’s family style.

The problem with family style is that some people take too much of one thing and there is not enough left for others. The fear of that would make me cook too much in the first place. I really think it depends on the dish that's being served though. If it was something like shepherd's pie or lasagne taken from a central dish I'd let people help themselves. If it was more 'individual' like steak and chips, I'd plate up.

Family style is my preferred option. Family should be allowed to help themselves, plated up seems too formal and restricted.

Everyday meals are plated in the kitchen special occasions or when catering for lots of people, family style.

I agree about the waste and the over eating, which is why I only do it for "feast" type meals. There wouldn't usually be any waste in this house though, everything would either be used to create something else next day, used for following day's lunch or go in the freezer.

I can't imagine creating all the extra work of serving dishes for an everyday meal. Plus some members of this family eat a far more balanced diet if it's put on their plate than they would given free choice everyday.

Depends what we eat and who cooks.....

Depends a bit what the meal is

It is interesting to see how people eat. There is no right or wrong answer though.

Yeah I agree. I'm not actually as emotionally invested in this as I probably came across haha. I am a little surprised that most people seem to prefer family-style though, probably because I've been watching a lot of Come Dine With Me and on there it's usually plated.

We only ever have food in dishes on the table at Christmas. I had no idea that it was even really a ‘thing’ to do it all the time. When I was a child if we were having something that could be counted (sausages, fish fingers etc) then my mum or dad would just ask how many fish fingers I would like, and if it was something like spaghetti bolognese it was always brought to the table on plates which just seems a far more logical way to do it! We never intentionally cooked more than we needed though as none of us ever took leftovers for lunch the next day, so maybe that’s got something to do with it.

The phrase ‘family style’ is making me go a bit though...

This isn't going to go down well but we only eat at a table at Christmas! So definitely plated at this house. Also allows for reheating due to shift work .

PS we don't have a separate dining room and putting up the table means moving other furniture.,

I hate being plated up for because I'm never usually given enough!

I'm petite (50kg, 5'1) and people always I assume I eat small portions. Nope!! I can quite easily out-eat my DH.

I've told MIL this but she refuses to listen and it feels rude/greedy to ask for more. I'd much prefer deciding what I want for myself!

@HalfTermHalfTerm I thought I'd be the only one!