Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

bridgetreilly

Apologies I misworded. I should have said "you can't teach children to choose things they don't like.

parker231 If you are making children have 1 piece of broccoli etc isn't it the same as serving one up to them? You are still making that choice about what they need to eat.

Btw my children eat ALL vegetables and choose healthy options and I do think this is because they don't have a massive plate thrust upon them and get to choose , we also.choose a dinner each every week , my youngest is usually lasagne (we are vegan so this is full of veggies and Healthy) or broccoli and sausage pasta ,my middle child is usually tofu padthai or a noodle dish and my eldest is either tacos or any Mexican food or homemade pizza (we make homemade cashew mozzarella for this x I don't believe it makes fussy children at all x

Ps I agree that with adult guests sharing dishes can work where people will be polite/sensible.

It's what I would do having guests, but the majority of nights it's just family at home & plating up for us is easier with young children.

Fromthebirdsnest
If you are vegan you've already got a lot of restrictions on your kids food choices before you even get to the table.

My kid eats loads of veggies too. But if i put out a big dish of pasta, another of sausages & impose no rules, he will often fill up on those and eat no veg. By the time I've suggested rules as to what he needs for a balanced meal I may as well have just served it up to him.

I have fairly fussy dc.

My experience of handing them a filled plate - I used to when they were younger & xh was still on the scene - was lots of 'ugh, carrots!' or whatever. This led to arguments & waste.

Also, whilst I'll cheerfully eat almost any vegetable these days (I draw the line at molokheya), I was a fussy kid too, & would have eventually choked down those carrots then gone off to be sick - my parents were big believers in it being character forming for their dc to eat stuff they didn't like.

Lots of different vegetables on the table, if it's that sort of meal rather than something where everything is cooked together, means that we all muddle through happily these days with a vague rule that everyone eats a decent amount of At Least One Vegetable, & because I do know their tastes I make sure there are ample quantities of vegetables that are liked.

The leftover less popular veg ends up in a samosa or similar next day, so it's not like there's any waste & this also catches the Professional Veg Dodgers, mwahahah. Oddly, the dc will eat literally ANYTHING encased in any sort of pastry - I could absolutely feed them dog shit pasties.

So family style works for us re fussy eating, too.

Always plate up and so do my family and my dh’s family .
Occasionally for Boxing Day or bbq etc will have buffet style

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland - no because they are serving themselves, choosing the amount they want of a particular food. They also learn to consider others by not being greedy and taking too much of anything. They knew that they could always have more after everyone had served themselves.

As I said earlier, it worked for us. I just copied how my parents had served meals and luckily DH had grown up with the same approach.

I plate up unless it's a special dinner.

I hate having plated food

I have a small appetite and because of a bowel issue depending on how I’m feeling I may or may not be able to digest fibrous or protein rich foods

I then think that I will end up overeating or feeling bad that I didn’t finish everything

It puts me off eating if someone puts food on my plate for me. I absolutely hate it.

I tend to plate up but dont understand your argument. The serving style may be different but I would cook the same food either way. It's the extra washing up and the endless trips to and from the kitchen that puts me off family style.

I do both, depends how I'm feeling . Kids much prefer family style and I suppose I do really. Especially big roast dinners, I love to see my kids eat ( they can sometimes be quite picky!!)

Having no dining table and eating either on our laps or at my desk, we have no choice but to put food on plates in the kitchen.

I grew up with food put on the table and served at the table.

I don't for a second understand how 'family style' serving from dishes at the table means over eating or difficulty in working out how much food to make though?

Maybe thats because neither of us are greedy fuckers, nor are we trying to dictate how much anyone eats, we just make the right amount of food for us.

I’m confused how family style causes more washing up 🤣 If I make a curry or stew etc I put whatever it was cooked in on the table to take own amounts. If I ‘plate up’ it’s only if it’s me and 1 other person and I’ll just split food equally, I would find it weird dictating to a big group how much they can have.

I think it creates a lot more washing and tidying up but I do like family style at the weekend. For instance if I do a fajitas, there’s may be a couple of types of fillings, a bowl of wedges, a bowl of rice, bowl of grated cheese, nachos , various sauces etc.

Family style is easier when there’s a few of you. There’s 5 of us and some like sauce and some don’t, some like broccoli and 1 doesn’t, etc etc. Easier to just let people dish up what they want.

I only do the family style on special occasions, otherwise I plate up, after asking people how much and what they want. Less washing up and less waste.

We do family style but people help themselves from the cooking pots and then sit down, like a canteen or carvery 😂

I agree with @Bluntness100 that it is a difference of mindset. For me, it's the difference between sharing imposed by the person deciding how much to put on the individual plates and a sharing by mutual consent.

As always in life, coming to a fair consensus is more complicated and potentially requires more (more space on the table, and of course, a dining table in the first place).

Children have to be socialised to understand how it works by mutual consent.

Imposing appears to be simpler and 'easier' but there are drawbacks to not learning self regulation and self control around food as part of growing up.

Surely it must depend entirely on what is being served, the number of people eating etc?

Does anyone honestly serve ALL meals one way or the other?

@geranium I do a mix to be honest, Mac and cheese with garlic bread and corn on the cob - Mac and cheese goes on the plate. Garlic bread goes on the table. And I say ‘how many corn do you want’ ? To dp and dd. If dd says ‘ew none I hate it!’ It goes on a side plate. And she will mostly eat it ffs

If I’m doing a roast though and we have friends round and their kids, everything is in serving dishes. I’d hate to ruin someone’s meal by putting something on they don’t like.

If we do something like lasagna, cottage pie, pasta bake, frittata, at home, the dish goes from the oven to the table, with probably a bowl of veg or salad on the table too with bottle of dressing or sauce and we just have what we want.

Family style where I live in Australia at the in-laws means all the blokes help themselves to the best bits of the meat dishes while the women make do with the rest. Give me plated up any day.

@IjustbelieveinMe omg how do you not say anything ?!

I just sit there and observe, it's the same as soon as the meals over and the women commence to the kitchen to clean up while the men debate loudly about world issues.
I am leaving my partner as soon as COVID-19 allows me to.

@IjustbelieveinMe Ugh, make sure you do!! I couldn’t stand for that, I’d have to say something every time.