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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Mil text reply. Aibu?

499 replies

Lalla525 · 17/04/2020 13:16

Bit of background here. We are having a difficult pregnancy. Started with IVF and continued with potential major complications which require an early cesarean.

We did not tell my in-laws any of that until quite recently, when the weekend before lockdown we decided to cancel their visit. We felt we didn't want to add more risk, and therefore wanted to avoid the visit, even if we were not in official lockdown.

To explain the reason, we went on great details about the shit experience we had so far and I made clear that I hate 'dismissive comments' like "all will be fine".

Fast forward today and we go in for the scan which confirms the problem and that we will need to have a premature birth via cesarean. Conversation in the pic attached.

I hate her reply. Feels dismissive. I would much rather have something like
I'm sorry. It's shit. What are next steps? Etc..

My partner think it's a fine answer.

What's your opinion?

Mil text reply. Aibu?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SandyY2K · 17/04/2020 13:39

I also think you shared too much detail with her. She was probably taken aback.

3xmother · 17/04/2020 13:39

Is just nothing wrong with her reply... I think you blessed to have a lovely mil and you can't see that, you just look for something negative about her. 🙄

callmeadoctor · 17/04/2020 13:39

Reading this all again, honestly the answer is perfect, hope that reassures you a bit OP

Umnoway · 17/04/2020 13:39

It isn’t a particularly helpful or productive reply, she’s definitely closed off the conversation and dismissed you. I wouldn’t be over the moon with it either but I wouldn’t dwell on it, sounds like you have much bigger things to worry about!

myusernamewastakenbyme · 17/04/2020 13:39

You sound like you are looking for a reason to fall out with her...poor woman whatever she'd have text you would have been wrong....

FabulouslyFab · 17/04/2020 13:40

If you type hug this pops up 🤗
Nothing wrong with that reply at all. It’s a text. She would probably have said something different (more supportive) if you had spoken to her.

Candyfloss99 · 17/04/2020 13:40

You are being so unreasonable I'm in shock. What on earth do you want her to say???

Jux · 17/04/2020 13:40

She knows you don't like "all will be well" type answers, so she's sent one which isn't that.

pictish · 17/04/2020 13:40

Think you’re a bit strung out atm and focusing more on niggles than is strictly sensible.
It’s a warm reply. Nothing wrong with it.

“ To explain the reason, we went on great details about the shit experience we had so far and I made clear that I hate 'dismissive comments' like "all will be fine". ”

Did you? Woopeedoo.

Kwim?

DobbyLovesSocks · 17/04/2020 13:41

My MIL would have replied 'OK'
What she was thinking was a whole lot more but she is not tech savvy and would have a proper conversation with me or DH when we phoned her later. There is not much your MIL can say right now to make you feel better but at least she is thinking of you and keeping her phone near so she can reply when you message her
You are reading too much into this reply

Scruffyoak · 17/04/2020 13:41

What has she done wrong?

LizzieAnt · 17/04/2020 13:41

I think the emoji means she's sending you a hug. Someone has mentioned they read it as jazz hands, but I certainly don't think that's the case, here at least. I think she's trying to be supportive.

mollibu · 17/04/2020 13:42

Sorry you're having a tough time OPThanks

But... YABVU, it's a perfectly acceptable reply and quite a kind one too. You've already told her the next steps and she's asked for you to keep her updated.

Fe2O3Girl · 17/04/2020 13:42

I think she is trying to be supportive. She probably isn't sure what to say.

That is a "hug" emoji, not a jazz hands emoji.

emojipedia.org/hugging-face/

1066vegan · 17/04/2020 13:42

I don't think it's a dismissive reply at all. It sounds like she's trying to be kind and supportive without becoming too intrusive. It's the sort of text that I would send and that I would want to receive.

HollowTalk · 17/04/2020 13:42

Her answer's fine. Why are you talking about eating chocolate if you're being tested for diabetes?

OneandTwenty · 17/04/2020 13:42

No.. just you, sorry OP, her reply is absolutely ok.

She didn't even say "all will be fine". Don't take it on your poor MIL because you have problems, it's not her fault and she is clearly tip-toeing around you already.

EnglishRain · 17/04/2020 13:43

I think her reply is fine.

Squirrelinatree · 17/04/2020 13:43

I’d love a message like that from my MIL. Rather than the ‘I’m not interested’ response my husband got when he told her we were expecting

3xmother · 17/04/2020 13:43

You act like a grumpy princess... Soon everyone will be fed up

Tonkerbea · 17/04/2020 13:43

It's seems like a well intended message. I think you're viewing this through the lens of your stress - neither of you are unreasonable

sufferingsandra · 17/04/2020 13:43

Aw come on cut your MIL some slack.

OneandTwenty · 17/04/2020 13:43

Why are you talking about eating chocolate if you're being tested for diabetes?
shhhhh!!!!

I bet that's exactly what MIL thought too and she took good care or not mentioning any of it. As most of us have done here!

HermanHermit · 17/04/2020 13:44

Her answer is fine. Your message to her is far too long on detail unless MIL is an OB/gyn. You wouldn’t share intimate details of an ingrowing toe infection with her and your detailed medical situation now isn’t as compelling to other people as it is to you. She’s trying to be nice. If she irritates you, don’t contact her and let your husband deal with her. For what it’s worth, once your baby is safely here, you’re also going to be far more interested in its poo than anyone else, so hold back on that too!

Bagelsandbrie · 17/04/2020 13:44

Her reply is absolutely fine! Lovely in fact.

What do you want her to say?!