To have lost temper with 5 year old

[Awfulmum1304]

I've just lost my temper epically with 5 year old DD over hair brushing. Needed to comb her hair and she absolutely would not co-operate. Shouted at her and sat her between my legs with them wrapped round her. So she starts clawing and elbowing and biting me. I had her hair in my heads and she kept yanking her head away then screaming at me for hurting her. She carries on lashing out so I start yelling/screaming at her to stop. She is screaming at me and deliberately makes herself sick but manages to pull away at which point she is lying on the floor so I straddle over the top of her to get her hair brushed. My full weight wasn't on her but she wasn't able to get away. Was still shouting at her and had a very firm grip on her arm to stop her hitting and elbowing me so I'm paranoid I've bruised her and I have certainly psychologically wrecked her.

I feel utterly awful and was struggling with low mood anyway. How do I fix this? I hate losing my temper and i feel like I need to call SS to keep her safe from me 😭

@decisionsdecision

I was using that as an example.

There comes a point where some things are "non negotiable" (as MN likes to say) such as teeth brushing.
I'm not saying I know the answer in that situation.

What I am saying is that, if a child struggles every day with their long and tangled hair being brushed (or tying shoelaces) then there is an easier alternative.

The issue of when there is no alternative is not what this thread is talking about...

Ps in future op. Instead of coming on here. Take stock of your mistake and really do some self work to ensure you have tactics in place to not get physical again. So long as you recognise you've made a mistake you're horribly remorseful of it and you're making steps not to repeat it for gods sake forgive yourself and move on. You are NOT a child abuser and I'm confident SS would think you'd be wasting their time with this one off incident. They're not there to support you they care only that your children are safe and not at risk of abuse. This would trigger a cascade of paperwork and unnecessary investigation. They have so many abused and vulnerable families on their books already that they're struggling to prioritise. I'm aghast at some posters. My mum used to drag me up the stairs by my hair when I threw tantrums at 3 years old (wholly abusive by today's standards) if you asked her now she'd still say 'you bloody deserved it!' you have not shown that lack of remorse or purposeful intent

My social worker friend was really good with me a while back when I was struggling with my three year old and nothing seemed to work. She said to take the thing that matters to them the most (iPad in our case) and make them earn time on it instead of taking time away as a punishment (which caused huge temper tantrums and throwing things etc). . I’ve used that idea as my doctrine now and it’s worked beautifully.

So I would try and find a way to manage their hair to earn the thing they love the most. For example if I had a daughter i would put lots of conditioner on in the bath and use a wide toothed comb or similar to allow me to start combing it. Then I’d have a reward chart set up that earnEd her stars and perhaps each star would be the equivalent to 10 mins on the iPad (or whatever else the child loved doing). Reward charts are a bit of a pain to set up but honestly this has been a real game changer in our house.

Sometimes it takes someone completely outside of the situation to say something quite simple that makes a wonderful change. You basically want to avoid lighting the touch paper as putting the fire out when it’s raging is so much more difficult than preventing it from lighting in the first place.

So we're you just dry brushing her hair or what? You say her ringlets were tangled, did you use a detangler at least? No wonder she didn't want you in her hair.