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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Are we too old for another child ?

348 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 20:21

Got one DD 1 year old , absolute little beauty and I would love another baby
I'm 35 , DH is 55. DH very hands on with DD not your typical 55 year old fit and active and young at heart always laughing and playing with DD
Are we too old for another ? I don't want an only child although ideally would love another baby
Dh days he doent crave another child but in his words 'if you really want another of course I would '

OP posts:
Candleabra · 12/04/2020 22:44

If you want another baby, go for it. My husband died suddenly with no warning in his very early 40s leaving me with two teenagers. We married in our 20s, kids straight after...never in a million years did I think I'd be a widow at 40. You never know what's around the corner, even if you do things at the 'right' time.

BillieEilish · 12/04/2020 22:44

Perfect scenario Smile

Katie2017 · 12/04/2020 22:44

My friend had her daughter at 38. 2 weeks later her husband was killed in a car accident , she is a single parent but obviously not by choice
The relevance of this being that nobody is guaranteed their life no matter what age have children

Ok so given that logic you could go before DH so he would then have 2 kids to raise alone-at a very advanced age and they could end up being orphans.

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 22:47

@BillieEilish still dont understand your comment questioning that we met 3 years ago. explain please ??
Like said I read all the responses as I appreciate the time people have taken time respond
Some are nasty but who cares it's a public forum people can say what they want , I actually welcome these opinions also as I dont deal in bullshit , never have done not going to start doing in my 30s
You sound salty to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 22:49

@Katie2017 very true I could be killed before DH also I agree
But then in the absence of both DH and me they would have grandparents (early 60s ) and friends. I am one of four children also so aunties and uncles a plenty
Also I'm going to get a will in place stating arrangements for my childs care should both parents die

OP posts:
Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 22:51

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Doubletrouble99 · 12/04/2020 22:51

God, it all what if what if! Any of us could have tragedies in our lives but if we let them rule our lives we would never do anything. My Fil would never come to ours for Christmas just in case his son from Canada might come over! He never did so Pils missed all their Grand children's Christmases!

goldfinchfan · 12/04/2020 22:53

Why do so many women end up with much older men?

This didn't happen when I was younger.
Are these second family fathers? or have the men just waited until they are over middle aged to have a family?
Am curious because is this a recent thing? It is a big age gap and I have a close friend with an 11 year age gap which she finds harder as they both age.
Over 60 aging seems to accelerate sadly.

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 22:57

@goldfinchfan I didnt purposely seek out a large age gap relationship , all previous partners very similar age to me , it just happened with DH that we met and clicked and that was that really, I loved him and he had the qualities I wanted in a man and father
My two previous relationships were dominated with child like thinking and mind games. definitely not the right environment for a child , we are a happy home and solid family unit x

OP posts:
Katie2017 · 12/04/2020 22:58

*Smilebehappy123 I was going to ask what other family you have to support you. It's good your child/ren will have plenty of aunts and uncles. Good to get a will done too-my parents even though they were older were really late doing a will. Sounds like there's enough people to look after DCs if the worst should happen with fairly young grandparents as well so that's good.

goldfinchfan · 12/04/2020 22:59

I don't think 35 is too old for you OP
You love the man you are with so I would say it is fine to have another baby, but be mentally ready to make allowances as he gets older.

It can work out very well

SerenDippitty · 12/04/2020 22:59

I’m 58 and DH is 69. He’s on statins but apart from that has no health issues. I can’t say I noticed accelerated ageing when he hit 60. Is this accelerated ageing supposed to happen to women too?

Itwasntme1 · 12/04/2020 23:00

In these threads people always talk about specific examples of parents dying tragically young.

These are sad stories, but really the key here is the statistics. It is significancy more likely that a man who becomes a dad at 57 wont live to his child reach 21 than a man who becomes a dad at 37. It is also much more likely that the older dad will experience ill health.

I don’t think it is nasty to point this out - it’s just the reality of life. I assume oP is not in denial of this basic fact of life.

BillieEilish · 12/04/2020 23:02

@Smilebehappy123

Thank you. You sound like a very measured and well balanced, intelligent person and I am glad I took the time to give my advice.

My 11yr old DD chose my name, you'll have to get used to things like that, without swearing, preferably.

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 23:02

Iv also.saved enough money in DD first year to pay a deposit for her first home. Currently saving for her driving lessons and other bits she will need once older and iv got a good pension with In death work benefits so if I snuff it she getting another 100k there as well
She is well provided for and will want for nothing

OP posts:
RainMinusBow · 12/04/2020 23:03

@FreakStar Why would your opinion be different if it was the mum who was older?

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 23:03

@Itwasntme1 I agree with what you are saying nothing wrong with pointing that out I understand your view point completely

OP posts:
Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 23:04

@BillieEilish you keep letting your kid choose you name , congratulations Hmm

OP posts:
Peppafrig · 12/04/2020 23:06

Agree with other posters if 54 was ok for you then I don't see the problem with 55.

Peppafrig · 12/04/2020 23:09

If you husband nearly the same age as your children's grandparents . That's must be interesting .

goldfinchfan · 12/04/2020 23:12

smilebehappy123

I am pleased it is a good relationship for you.....perhaps men are taking even longer to mature these days!
Much better to be with the right person to have a family with for sure, I have seen lot of friends relationships break up because the man wasn't really ready for a family.

ironicname · 12/04/2020 23:15

Off the minimal information provided I would say that 55 is far too old and that 35 is penalties a good age.

GrumpyHoonMain · 12/04/2020 23:15

@Peppafrig - in all fairness in some areas OP would be nearly the same age as some grandparents.

TommyShelby · 12/04/2020 23:18

It really winds me up when people say ‘he’d be 60 when she’s 10’ or ‘oh he’d be 70+ at graduation’ or whatever. It’s ridiculous. My dad would have been 57 at my graduation. If he hadn’t died at 55 when I was 19. You never know what is coming around the corner and I really don’t think you should live your life terrified of what could be.

@Smilebehappy123 if it feels right for both of you, go for it.

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 23:18

@grumpy
I dont know any 35 year old grandparents Grin

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