Are we too old for another child ?

[Smilebehappy123]

Got one DD 1 year old , absolute little beauty and I would love another baby
I'm 35 , DH is 55. DH very hands on with DD not your typical 55 year old fit and active and young at heart always laughing and playing with DD
Are we too old for another ? I don't want an only child although ideally would love another baby
Dh days he doent crave another child but in his words 'if you really want another of course I would '

I've got a feeling some of the replies would be different if the mother was the older one of the couple? Obviously it would be highly unlikely she'd fall pregnant at 55, but say for example she said she was around 45 and hubby was 25?

I read a post on MN about a lady who was 40 asking if she was too old to consider another baby and a lot of the replies were yes!

Just find it interesting that opinions may be different depending on gender of older parent. I guess something to do with maternal age plus 40 being a higher risk factor? Although I believe there is evidence now to suggest dad's age may also play a part?

For the record, I'm 39 and pregnant with my third. OH is 44, first baby. Every factor low risk and having a home birth

Our youngest is 6 and dh was 51 when he was born. A fit, active 51. Now he’s struggling. Hand on heart we shouldn’t have, but I wasn’t going to abort an unplanned pregnancy.

You already had a child when he was 54 so why not now ? He will be 70 when your child completes GCSEs, 76 when your child likely graduates from uni and by the time your child is 27 he will be 81 and at his life expectancy.

But you knew that already so I see no reason to not have another tbh.

Go for it.

To be brutal - if kid will lose dad sooner, might be nicer to have a sibling too?

I find it odd that people are looking at this mainly from the parent’s POV and not the DC’s!

Oh definitely have another child, you're obviously not in the 'one and done' club. Go for it. Everyone saying how old your husband will be when the kids are teenagers - have they forgotten what they were like as teenagers? Teens think their parents are ancient and that's even if mum and dad are in their early 30's

I'm 32 dh is 57. We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old.

You’re not too old, your DH is. But I think you already know that.

Personally I think that 55 is too old, just because a man can, doesn’t mean he should. But you are not me and my life is not yours, so if you want another one, then have one and don’t worry about the opinion of others.

@MagnoliaJustice
The difference in the situation is that the parents will actually be ancient

I think your not to old your husband is to be honest I'm 33 and have 3 about to have 4 and knacked lol my husband is only 2 years older then me this is likely to be our last

You're not too old, your husband is a bit but think about Mick Jagger who manages to be a good father to children young enough to be his grand or greatgrandchildren :-). Not that I'm recommending Mick Jagger as a partner but there's no doubt he's a good dad.

At the moment it would not be right to try to become pregnant, please wait until this crisis is over and then reappraise everything. We don't know what the world will be like at the end of all this - it is worrying but I'm fairly optimistic.

The other thing is your little daughter is only one, I think a three year gap between children is ideal which would make you 37 - like many other mothers. As long as your husband has no health problems and is up for it.

Good luck.

Just sort out wills/finances etc thoroughly.

IMHO men around 70 become extremely self opinionated and can get a bit 'I know best'/stubborn. Personalities change. They really do.

Have a living will too.

Best of luck. Hopefully the next DC will arrive (realistically) by the time he is 57. It won't be 55 will it? He is 55 now! A baby takes at least a year, generally!

Best get moving asap and I wish you well. We all think we are invincible, but sadly, we are not.

Some people will think that 54 is too old to have a first child.

Some people will think that 56 is a perfectly reasonable age to have a second child.

It is fairly rare I suspect to believe that 54 is just fine for a first child but 56 shockingly old for a second child.

So my view is irrelevant. Either I effectively think you shouldn’t have had your dd (and so presumably you think I am wrong) or I think you should go ahead.

Why are PP's mentioning Billionaires and Millionaires in comparison to OP's DH?

Not helpful or relevant.

My dad was about that age when he became a grandfather for the first time. He is now 72, and is in very good health for his age. Still does parkruns every week.

But the grandkids tire him out, after a few hours he is happy to leave it to the younger ones. My nephew is 12 and there is not way my dad could do all the physical stuff with him that my brother does - bike rides and hikes etc.

I think there can a lot of denial about what a person - even a fit and healthy person - in their sixties and seventies can actually do.

Think about it from children’s Perspective. Will they feel cheated or embarrassed that their dad is in his sixties and seventies during their childhood? Will they miss out and always be worried about his health and mortality?

Well do bear in mind that maternity units are likley to be overloaded with all this 'ere lockdown malarky as most of the UK breeding population are also down and getting it on - then you'll be in good company.

Go for it and good luck:)

I think 55 is too old. A woman can't have a baby at 55 - why should a man?

A lot can happen from 55 to 75, when your second baby would be an adult. The risk of problems increases without paternal age too - see www.nhs.uk/news/genetics-and-stem-cells/dads-age-diet-and-lifestyle-may-cause-birth-defects/

I found there was quite a difference when raising 2 children compared to , particularly if close in age . it was harder and not something I would have wanted as a single parent or worse still with .an elderly partner to also factor in. Whilst your dh is only 55, it invariably becomes more tiring as you get older.

I would stick with what you have

There's a good chance he won't get to see them grow up, and you are likely to be a youngish widow.
A pp was correct, it's not up to strangers to tell you.
So if it's 50/50 and you make the decision, it could be the wrong one for you anyway.

My maternal grandparents had my mum when they were 43&52. Both died at 70, she lost both parents before she was 30. A man in his 50's shouldn't be having children.

It's only a year difference from your last baby so no it is clearly not too old. I wouldn't let strangers on the internet make such a huge decision for my family, though

My DC is 11 almost 12 and their Dad is 60. I am younger, mid thirties. I'm no longer with DCs Dad but we are good friends.
I\ve got to be honest and say I'm dismayed at how much of an old man he is seeming now he is 60, obviously it crept up slowly but he's slower, gets tired, doesn't want to play as much now and isn't super fit. DC seems embarrassed about this at times and clearly envies those with younger, fitter Dads. So I personally wouldn't no. But I appreciate you already have one child and are probably thinking 'what's one more??'
I would hold fire for now.

Go for it, better having an older dad than having a shitty younger selfish one. Of course not all younger dads are selfish, I was a single Mum to four children when I met my husband, I was 27 he was 18, he is now 34 and has been a rock to all of us, his best friend is the same, but 30 yrs older, and at 64 had his first child and sometimes he acts and looks younger than my husband lol.
You can have problems at any age, there is no right and wrong in my eyes, you just grab at happiness where you can, and I bet your child would love to have a sibling to moan about you and your husband with! (I wouldn;t cope without my daily moan to my baby brother! lol) x

I think the problem is that you don't choose who you fall in love with and many women end up with older men. So 35 is not old, but 55 is, but as previous posters have said this made no difference to your first, so shouldn't for a second. I've just had my second at 41 and 51. And whilst most people would say 41 is okay, 51 isn't apparently.

With that kind of age difference just focus on your age and what you want as it’s very likely your DP won’t really be able to parent teens very actively. If you are up for it then do it.