Are we too old for another child ?

[Smilebehappy123]

Got one DD 1 year old , absolute little beauty and I would love another baby
I'm 35 , DH is 55. DH very hands on with DD not your typical 55 year old fit and active and young at heart always laughing and playing with DD
Are we too old for another ? I don't want an only child although ideally would love another baby
Dh days he doent crave another child but in his words 'if you really want another of course I would '

One thing does jump out at me from the OP

Dh says he doesn't crave another child but in his words 'if you really want another of course I would '

That's not exactly an enthusiastic statement from him is it? I think a second child deserves a father that is wholeheartedly committed to him or her regardless of that father's age. Maybe he is happy with things how they are now but would just go along to please you?

my husband trying to tell me how many pregnancies and births to put up with would be a massive red flag! Women have a bit more to deal with so should have the ultimate choice.

When did I see u advocate for men TELLING women how many kids to have?

I would think having a discussion and coming to an agreement together would be the most normal and sought after aim.

*When did I say I...

My DH is in his early 50s, I am mid 30s. We have 1 dc and am currently pg as well. He has children in their teens from a first marriage.

We talked about his age when we were dating and decided we could handle it. He has his own business, very flexible hours and I know all his children are completely provided for should anything happen to him health wise.

Regarding other posters that talk about caring for an older man later in life, I think it depends on how financially comfortable the family is. I know we can easily hire physical therapists, private doctors and in home aides should we need to down the line if it is needed. I think caring for an older family member with young(ish) children without those resources would be very difficult.

You say you've struggled to conceive for years and years, but also that you never tried for children with previous relationships, but you've only been with your DH for 3 years, and you didn't begin trying straight away?

@DareDevil223
Completely agree with this, but what I mean is DH is very laid back , he let's me take the lead with everything , he loves DD though that for sure , currently sat out in garden with a gin whilst he goes up and down the slide with her

No, go for it asap.

@penguins79

I dont know if you saw my post a bit further up. But I just dont understand the 'but you will be caring for an old man' arguments.

What would be so much better if you were the same age? You would be caring for an elderly man whilst elderly yourself. You would both have to watch the other grow elderly and infirm. Once it gets unmanageable your kids would probably have to give up a lot of their time to care for you (which is a stressful burden for many posters on here).

Obviously the main worry is being widowed at 60, but many couples of the same age split up after the kids are 18 and have to start again. So that isnt unique to age gap couples either.

@Smilebehappy123 There’s no perfect answer really. We had our DC late (me: 35, 38, 42; him: 38, 41, 45). We are both starting to feel the burden of the hard work on our aged bodies ...but the upside is having the family life we wanted and enjoy.

For you, I guess it’s about acknowledging the potential positives (sibling for DC, fuller family life if you want it etc) and potential problems (limits of an older father) and deciding what your deal breakers and makers are. For some, having more than one child might outweigh everything else, for others living through more of the baby years at that age might be unthinkable. It’s very individual. One thing for sure though, family life is a hell of a lot easier if you just stop paying any heed to other people’s judgements. This decision would be a good place to start!

My husband and I had our kids at similar ages, it's still early days (they're primary aged). I acknowledge it's probably too early for most of the issues discussed in here but he's a fantastic involved father.

Having children is fundamentally selfish. We create them for our own needs and if you were to ask any child they would probably not want an older parent, but they'd probably also want a parent who was comfortably off, attractive, engaged, endlessly patient, who is able to relate and share the world with them in way which makes them feel safe and valued. Many of us can't meet this wish list all the time and who's to say what's more important.

What I would say is I found having 2 children a lot harder than 1, and the exhaustion can fracture strong relationships.

Too old at 55 imo. Men seem to age suddenly and become less tolerant and grumpy. I’ve seen a change in my DH from early to late 40s. I’ve also seen it in friends children who have dads who at 50 with a newborn are fine, but 65 with a teenager not so fine.

This thread is bizarre, the OP is a total fantasist!
Not a single post of hers rings true.

Do you work? If you need childcare then costs are something to think about, two lots of nursery fees is more than many people earn.

I found pregnancy the second time round at 37 with a young child much harder, there is no chance to rest. Even if you were both in your 30s, I think most parents find two small children tiring. You know your own personality and circumstances best, so you are best placed to judge how you would cope as a family. Good luck whatever you decide.

@IHaveBrilloHair why is the op a fantasist?! 🙄

Wolf girl I am aged 46 sitting on the sofa ordering takeaway with the love of my life aged 43 and our gorgeous daughters in an extremely large house - don’t feel sorry for me!

You're not too old but he is.
But you already have a 1 year old so having another one right away won't make any difference so go for it.

Hi OP, child no2 will be a companion for Dd, so DH can relax in his old age! I'm 17 months younger than my sis and best friends 40yrs later😊 And Benie E is having one 'happily' at 89!!!

@MsTSwift

Ooooh get you Mrs! 😊

I might feel sorry for you anyway though as you've clearly got a nasty streak.

A man having a baby at 89 (Or 90 by the time it is born) is shockingly irresponsible.

He is an elderly man. Yes the child will be incredibly wealthy, but the child also with almost certainty lose its father before he or she hits ten.

What a horrible experience for a child and what a selfish arrogant man.

@Itwasntme1

I agree with you there. 89 it older than the average lifespan! But 53 is over 30 years younger than that. If he had had a child at 53, that child would be 36 now. Still young to lose a parent, but if their parents had been for example 38, they would be 74. So coming up to the point of needing care etc anyway.

But yeah at 89 the chance of him seeing the child through to adulthood is minuscule.

I'm still laughing at extremely large house 😂😂😂

Bizarre! Although it reminds me of a doco I saw on the Tudors a few days ago. Catherine of Aragon lived in a palace with Henry 8th. He very cruelly dumped her when she turned 40 as he considered her too old, and instead set his sights on Anne Boleyn who was much younger. Ah well at least Catherine of Aragon had a very large house to cry in.

Just wanted an excuse to talk about the documentary really 😉

Actually I am deserving of sympathy have been painting the extremely large house the 4 of us are exhausted.

Was responding to wolfgirl “sympathising” in a bitchy manner and hoping that I too one day might meet someone. Too funny!

I am not generally thought of as nasty though and have said nothing unkind just my subjective opinion

It didn’t end well for Anne thought did it?

Henry settled finally with an older lady Katharine Parr after beheading two younger wives. this scenario doesn’t help your case

@mrstswift

Mrs T you totally protesting too much, going on about your massive house. It’s a real shame if you meet someone you like but they are the same are as you. I see no advantage to that whatsoever. Your husband might run off with a younger woman and you just have to live with it. It’s shit though as likely in your 80s he will be in his 80s too (if still there) and both of you unable to look after each other. So either your daughters will have to care for an old man and an old lady or you might have to (shocker) sell your very massive house. I wouldn’t envy anyone that.

The feminist side bugs me too. Perfect set up for the guy shagging round in his forties when a young woman comes along that he knows will be able to care for him as he ages, the wife is then left high and dry.

See what I did there? I flipped your post back at you. And it makes for nasty reading.

As for Anne Boleyn I shall count myself lucky my fiance does not have access to the tower of london!