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Original poster

Are we too old for another child ?

348 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 12/04/2020 20:21

Got one DD 1 year old , absolute little beauty and I would love another baby
I'm 35 , DH is 55. DH very hands on with DD not your typical 55 year old fit and active and young at heart always laughing and playing with DD
Are we too old for another ? I don't want an only child although ideally would love another baby
Dh days he doent crave another child but in his words 'if you really want another of course I would '

OP posts:
ChrissieKeller61 · 13/04/2020 14:43

Well it’s the age old isn’t it... exchange her youth and beauty for his money and security 🙄

MissBax · 13/04/2020 14:44

I think you're right actually. I have been hurt in the past, and my family life was hell, so I probably am looking for stability and to be looked after. What's wrong with that?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, and I think the fact you recognise the reasons and are able to reflect is only a positive. My point is not to tarnish all men your age as being unreliable, non committal and likely to cheat, lie etc.

Just for the record, not that it matters, my DP is my age, hard working, a total family man, doesn't drink, definitely doesn't dress feminine (I despise the manscaping and skinny jeans look myself). He's so well rounded that hes the one that keeps me grounded, is amazing round the house, stands up for himself and is a strong thinker... He is none of these things because of his age, and I believe he will be all of these things no matter what his age.

Doubletrouble99 · 13/04/2020 14:47

No Wolfgirl, it was for Lovesgood!

Wolfgirrl · 13/04/2020 14:56

@misbax

Then lucky you. You have everything I have with the added bonus of your husband being younger. You should feel very lucky!

I can only speak for my own experience. Do I wish DP was younger? Of course I do. I am well aware that one day I could be caring for him. But I might not be. He might end up caring for me. Who knows?

But I count myself lucky to have found true love, especially when I think about my poor friend. Theres just no comparison in terms of our happiness.

emilybrontescorsett · 13/04/2020 14:57

wolfgirrl sigh you too.
You no nothing at all about my family or how fit and youthful looking we are !!
You are comparing a fit older man with a very unfit younger man.
I am not .
For the record people have mistaken my dd1 for my sister. I was not a young mum at all and my dd was a teenager!
Yep it’s true. Doesn’t mean I am to get pregnant just because I am fit and people mistake me for being younger.
I don’t think he op is too old I do think her dh is. I also wouldn’t risk it with what will be the huge detrimental affects of covid 19 unless she has good private health care.
But it’s up to them.

Itwasntme1 · 13/04/2020 14:58

This thread has become very confused. It’s not about people’s experience with cheating men of various ages, it’s not about all these god like older men who can pass for 21 and are much more sensitive and manly than every 30 year old on the plant.

There is far too much generalisation here which extrapolated up from very specific and personal experiences. A 60 year old man is just as likely to be a Wonderful man as a 30 year old man.

It’s about whether a man of 57 is too old to become a father.

kayakingmum · 13/04/2020 15:03

There is a 19 year age gap between me and my partner. I had my first at 34, second at 36. We're happy.

To be honest I think the mother's age is more important than the fathers.
My partner was happy for me the choose the number of children we had. I'm stopping at 2.

Wolfgirrl · 13/04/2020 15:04

@itwasntme1

Well if he can impregnate her then clearly not too old.

Do you mean a good father?

SerenDippitty · 13/04/2020 15:05

I met my DH when I was 28 and he was 39. I'd dated a few men my own age but none met my standards in terms of how I expect to be treated. DH did. Been married for 30 years.

Wolfgirrl · 13/04/2020 15:05

@emilybrontescorsett

And you know nothing about mine. Yet you feel entitled to comment so why cant I?

Wolfgirrl · 13/04/2020 15:06

@SerenDippitty

Lovely story! Many more to come hopefully.

What sort of standards if you dont mind my asking?

Wolfgirrl · 13/04/2020 15:08

I dont think all young men are awful.

I think the current dating climate is awful, it encourages younger men to treat women with contempt.

Older men were not part of the vile online dating scene growing up so maybe treating women like rubbish isnt as engrained into them.

So I dont really blame young men individually but today's culture just doesnt produce younger men that are of interest to me.

Purpleartichoke · 13/04/2020 15:10

35 is not too old, it’s average in many social groups. I would be concerned about 55. At the very least, make sure you have financials worked out just in case. Will he still be able to retire at a normal age? What if he needs care early in his senior years?

SerenDippitty · 13/04/2020 15:10

@Wolfgirrl I mean basic respect, courtesy, general attitude to women.

Itwasntme1 · 13/04/2020 15:10

@Wolfgirrl sorry, yes it’s about whether we think a 57 year old man should become a father.

Personally, I think he is too old. I think anything beyond 47 is probably too old for both parents. But that is simply my personal opinion.

ItsMsActually · 13/04/2020 15:11

My partner was happy for me the choose the number of children we had.

Why? I'm yet again surprised at how often I hear this. Do your partners have no opinion on it whatsoever? The lack of passion about what they want as parents and how many children they woild like would be such a red flag to me.

Wolfgirrl · 13/04/2020 15:18

@Itwasntme1

Ah. Well, before meeting DP I wouldve said 40 at a push! We have agreed that if we have a second child, I need to be pregnant within the next year or two max because otherwise he feels there needs to be a cut off somewhere. So that tallies with what you put.

Regarding OP, well they have a child already. Which changes things. I think a sibling would enrich the life of their current DD and being brutally honest, would provide DD with family other than her mother if she became widowed.

I dont know what I would say if they didnt already have children, I dont really have a strong opinion about that.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/04/2020 15:35

Look at Carrie Symonds, Melania Trump... young women with older men. These men wouldn't have a hope in hell were it not for their positions/power. Young men aren't dating men 20 years older than themselves for a public service. It's also for them. We can't deem these older men as perverts yet uphold the women who find themselves in these positions. It works both ways. Women aren't always naive idiots.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/04/2020 15:35

Young *women

fascinated · 13/04/2020 15:44

ItsMs — on the contrary, my husband trying to tell me how many pregnancies and births to put up with would be a massive red flag! Women have a bit more to deal with so should have the ultimate choice.

MsTSwift · 13/04/2020 16:10

It’s truly bonkers to say “old men are like this” “younger men are like that” makes no sense whatsoever.

Wolf girl you totally protesting too much. It’s a real shame if you meet someone you like but they 20 odd years older. I see no advantage to that age difference whatsoever. You just have to live with it. It’s shit though as likely in your 60s when your peers are enjoying retirement together you will be caring for a very elderly man or widowed. I wouldn’t envy anyone that.

The feminist side bugs me too. Perfect set up for the guy shagging round in his twenties and thirties then a young woman to care for him as he ages who is then left high and dry. Not what I would want for my daughters but if you go into it with your eyes open it’s your choice I guess. Not one i would make.

DangerCat01 · 13/04/2020 16:34

My relationship with a 20 year age gap happened by accident and I wrestled with it for about a year before I thought fuck it and went for it.

It was a complete surprise that 4 years in it is still the best relationship I’ve ever been in. It feels like nothing is too much trouble and there’s no angst.he treats me like I’m the most amazing woman in the world. In fact he actually thinks I am.

I think online porn has fucked up a lot of younger men.

Wolfgirrl · 13/04/2020 16:38

@MsTSwift

Wolf girl you totally protesting too much. It’s a real shame if you meet someone you like but they 20 odd years older. I see no advantage to that age difference whatsoever. You just have to live with it. It’s shit though as likely in your 60s when your peers are enjoying retirement together you will be caring for a very elderly man or widowed. I wouldn’t envy anyone that.

It sounds like you haven't met the love of your life yet. It will happen just don't be bitter to others Flowers

Wolfgirrl · 13/04/2020 16:40

For all the posters writing about ending up caring for an elderly man. What would be so much better about being very elderly together, both unable to help the other? Struggling together and watching the other grow more infirm. Burdening your children with your care. Why wouldn't I want to see for the man I love?

Wolfgirrl · 13/04/2020 16:40

*care for.