Are we too old for another child ?

[Smilebehappy123]

Got one DD 1 year old , absolute little beauty and I would love another baby
I'm 35 , DH is 55. DH very hands on with DD not your typical 55 year old fit and active and young at heart always laughing and playing with DD
Are we too old for another ? I don't want an only child although ideally would love another baby
Dh days he doent crave another child but in his words 'if you really want another of course I would '

Oh apologies Josie for not having my crystal ball when I got married, it would have been a lot more damaging to stay with their abusive father I can assure you.
And also damaging to have not objectively considered maternal and paternal age when deciding to have a baby.
The OP didn't take my comments on her or her dh age as personally as you seem to have ...
And I was not directing comparing those things to IVF, but my moral stance on them. I would have adopted if I couldn't have had my own biological children.

This thread is mad!

OP have the baby, you sound like a brilliant mum. Ignore the batshittery on the thread.

My DH is 20 years older and I’ve never been happier. He’s 65 now and I haven’t noticed any drastic slowing down. In fact I wish he would.

I will get so flamed for this, but whatever. I do not understand why women go for men that or so much older than them. Just why? Its a real feminist thing imo. Society to women over 35 "youre getting old, are you sure you should have a baby?" To men at 55 "Oh youre a mature hunk, go on make babies, if it turns out wrong it couldnt possible be because of Your age! Only women have expiration dates!" Pisses me off so much.

@Lovesgood You're not wrong. Men age like fine wines women age like milk. That said I have dated my fair share of older men so I'm entirely complicit.

Definitely yes but I look at it from the point of view of you existing child.

Only children tend to look to parents for company and engagement in doing things, more than kids with siblings.

Sorry, that's too harsh. But considering that the average age of death for males in the UK is 79, a child who is born to a 56 year old is likely to lose his father by the age of 23. That's very sad for kids. They should be able to rely on their parents and have them as models of strength at that age, in my opinion. They shouldn't have to watch them decline and die.

Where does that stupid saying even come from? Last time I checked women were the ones taking care of themselves much better than men! Just look at all the old widowers dying shortly after their wives have died because they are too stupid to feed themselves properly! I have a 25 year old male work collegue who lives purely on tins and frozen ready meals! And Im being told by society that men age better!? Complete joke!
Well at least I have free will and know my worth, I am mid 20s myself so refuse to date a man older than his early 30s!
Maybe thats what it is, some women just have selfworth issues and dont believe they deserve a young guy. Sad, so sad.

I'm 39 and pregnant with my third baby. I'm still deemed as "low risk", the same as I was when I was 25, 26 and 29. I know this would change very slightly if I was 40.

@Lovesgood

Good question. I'm simply not attracted to mem my own age. Older men IME are more laid back and confident, they dont have that arrogant 'any woman is lucky to have me' attitude that younger men do. They're more interesting, have more life experience and arent as obsessed with climbing the career ladder as theyve usually reached a comfortable place.

I dated men my own age before and they were just so dull. Just wanted to get drunk on every date and had zero conversation. Plus men in their 20s and early 30s arent interested in having babies. You only need to check out the threads on here to see that. How many posts have you seen from anguished women undergoing IVF because their husband 'didnt feel ready' until he was 39?

I have found plenty of nice, interesting young men, and no they are not all arrogant, you get dull, arrogant men in all age groups, and good ones in all age groups.
Young men are more attractive, thats just fact. They are fit, musclier and wrinkle free. And I like that. I hate it when some 50 year old hits on me. What makes them think a 25 year old would want that!? It just gets my goad.

@Lovesgood 😂😂😂

So i'm with my DP who has a very very successful career, no baggage from before, in brilliant shape, lovely hair, passes for 30, excellent father, spoils me rotten, waits on me hand and foot and makes me laugh because I have low self confidence?

And my best friend is with a man her own age that calls her the most vile names, can't be bothered with their son, has an alcohol problem, forces her to be a SAHM to save money while withholding access to accounts, and cheats on OLD because she has high self confidence?

Oooooh kay.

Older men wanting younger woman is a trope as old as time itself. Each to their own and all that but its important to recognise where your preferences stem from. Think critically about things.

@Lovesgood

It isnt a fact though is it? What about Sam and Aaron Taylor Wood? He could have any woman and he chose her because he was more attracted to her. It is in the eye of the beholder.

Theres loads of weedy young men around here with dodgy tattoos, horrible teeth and thinning hair.

In general young men are more attractive than old men, that is fact and you cant deny that. Same goes for women. Thats why old men want young women, which makes those old men the arrogant ones to think they deserve that.
This is such an effed up part of patriarchy and it annoys me that women play along so willingly, thats all.

Wolfgirrl

What a strange take. It sounds like you've been pissed about by the wrong men and somehow just linked that to age.

Also just cos you've got a good guy who's older and your friend is with a POS that's younger has zero to do with their age.

Another point is;

How many threads do you see on here regarding husbands having a midlife crisis once they hit 40 and leaving their wife and children for a work colleague? Or just cheating?

I would rather have a man that is truly ready for parenthood and commitment than settling down with a younger man that isnt ready, only for him to run off and break the family up, usually leaving behind a financial mess.

So i'm with my DP who has a very very successful career, no baggage from before, in brilliant shape, lovely hair, passes for 30, excellent father, spoils me rotten, waits on me hand and foot and makes me laugh because I have low self confidence?

And my best friend is with a man her own age that calls her the most vile names, can't be bothered with their son, has an alcohol problem, forces her to be a SAHM to save money while withholding access to accounts, and cheats on OLD because she has high self confidence?

what has this gotta do with age???

@MissBax

Yeah I guess I have! But everyone reaches their own opinions somehow dont they?

Why does it have nothing to do with their age? There was a thread on here yesterday about men these days being of lower quality. The vast majority of posters agreed. I dont think young men are all that manly any more.

So Lovesgood, what are you going to do when your perfect specimen gets older a wrinkly? Are you going to stop fancying him? Because I think you have a very shallow view on what attracts women to men. Age should have little to do with it.

It’s obviously only you and your DH that can make that decision but in my opinion you are both too old, but controversially I would not have kids past 35 🤷🏼‍♀️

I dont think young men are all that manly any more.

What on earth does that mean?!

Just because you see posts on here of people going through cheating / midlife crises etc doesn't mean thats an accurate representation of the population as a whole. This is an advice forum site so you of course will see more about turmoil than happy stories. If people posted all their joyous news it just wouldn't work the same.

It sounds like you've been hurt in the past. Fair enough. But I've only ever had relationships with men around my own age and have never been cheated on, abused, suffered at their hands etc.

It sounds like you want to be mollycoddled and 'looked after' reading your previous comments, so having an older partner you may feel that is being fulfilled. Personally I don't need looking after or being spoiled, or a 'manly man' whatever that entails?! I expect a mutually respectful relationship with someone I have things in common with and who I've grown up during the same time as. Each to their own, but age has nothing to do with character.

Well for a start @doubletrouble99 (take it you mean me) I will be older too 😂

I dont think my DP will age badly at all. He has a very full head of dark hair, great teeth, really good shape. He will probably be a silver fox 😊 both his parents are incredibly active and have a jam packed social life in their 70s so it's looking good.

And if I do stop fancying him, well that fantastic personality will still be there he is well travelled and intelligent, he has many interests so at least i will never be bored in his company.

Some of the younger men I know have aged virtually overnight, I'm mid 20s but a lot of my contemporaries are losing their hair and basically just not growing into handsome men.

I find it funny you have said I'm shallow 😂😂 surely I'm the opposite of shallow, I see the whole of DP not just his age.

@misbax

I think you're right actually. I have been hurt in the past, and my family life was hell, so I probably am looking for stability and to be looked after. What's wrong with that?

If you dig deep enough everyone will have some psychological reason why they picked their DP. No choice is without bias or external factors.

As for younger men not being manly; they just seem more feminine. They wear more feminine clothes, dont have strong personalities, seem quite selfish and emotional. That's just my experience. And it just isnt what I want in a man.

I'm also so surprised at how many young women in their prime are with such older men!
What is it you truly believe older men want with younger women? Be honest...